Desperate for advice

[jeanierec]

I haven't been on here for a while. When mum was first diagnosed with Alzheimers I got a lot of good advice and support from you all but have just been quietly getting on with it until now.
My darling husband of 40 years has been diagnosed with a large oesophageal tumour which they are sure is cancer and I'm so frightened of whats to come and I don't think I can cope with mum as well , I know she can't help it but she's so demanding and physically draining and I'm an only child so its all on me .

I know there are lots of people with much worse things going on but if anyone has any thought on how I can get some help with mum to try to minimise my input. Social services are going to provide carers to heat her meals up but is there anyone who would shop. Also she has glaucoma and cataracts ,but manages in sheltered housing , and twice a day has to put her eyedrops in which I direct her to do over the phone but when Dannys needs become greater I need someone to take that over would that be something her Doctors could sort out I haven't been able to get hold of anyone at the surgery.

I feel all over the place at the moment so hope this post makes sense of a sort.
We are still waiting for a scan for Danny though the dr wasn't optimistic and he's now getting pain in shoulder and back which i'm scared suggests it may have spread.

I'm really trying to be strong for Danny but today I feel so low and I have to bounce back so if anyone can advice I'd be so grateful.

Jeanie

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Jeanie

Of course you can`t cope with your mother when you fear for your husband.

I do hope you have some contact with a social worker who might be able to advise what additional support is available for you.

Failing that please contact the Admiral Nurses. Even if you do not have one local to you, you can speak to someone on the phone. Admiral Nurses are there for carers.

http://www.dementiauk.org/what-we-do/admiral-nursing-direct/


Call 0845 257 9406 or email direct@dementiauk.org

Hours:
Tuesday 11:00 - 20:45

Thursday 11:00 - 20:45

Saturday 10:00 - 13:00

 

[judyri]

Deleted by member

 

[Chemmy]

Could you do an on-line shop and have it delivered?

 

[angelface]

Most care agencies will do shopping, but as a private arrangement, and not through the Council.
Gx

 

[banjan]

Sorry no advice Ican only send you lots of love
Jan

 

[sallyc]

Could the carers not do the eyedrops as well as the meals?

Grandad used to have carers just to give meds and prompt him to go to bed in the evening. When he had eye infections, they did the drops. Whe he needed drops in his ears, they did that, too.

I hope you manage to get some help sorted very soon. Your husband needs to be your main focus just now.

Thinking of you

 

[shells123]

Hi Jeanie when I need extra help for mum I phoned the local age concern branch and they were able to help. Good luck

 

[Biddy88]

Jeanie, sorry I've nothing useful to contribute here but my heart goes out to you. You need to think of yourselves now. I do hope you can get more support asap. x

Mel x

 

[damsel]

You'll get through

I haven't been on here for a while. When mum was first diagnosed with Alzheimers I got a lot of good advice and support from you all but have just been quietly getting on with it until now.
My darling husband of 40 years has been diagnosed with a large oesophageal tumour which they are sure is cancer and I'm so frightened of whats to come and I don't think I can cope with mum as well , I know she can't help it but she's so demanding and physically draining and I'm an only child so its all on me .

I know there are lots of people with much worse things going on but if anyone has any thought on how I can get some help with mum to try to minimise my input. Social services are going to provide carers to heat her meals up but is there anyone who would shop. Also she has glaucoma and cataracts ,but manages in sheltered housing , and twice a day has to put her eyedrops in which I direct her to do over the phone but when Dannys needs become greater I need someone to take that over would that be something her Doctors could sort out I haven't been able to get hold of anyone at the surgery.

I feel all over the place at the moment so hope this post makes sense of a sort.
We are still waiting for a scan for Danny though the dr wasn't optimistic and he's now getting pain in shoulder and back which i'm scared suggests it may have spread.

I'm really trying to be strong for Danny but today I feel so low and I have to bounce back so if anyone can advice I'd be so grateful.

Jeanie

Dear Jeanie,
Just take one day at a time. You'll get through.

 

[littlegem]

so sorry I cannot help with any advice but just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to your and your hubby.
Wishing you both all the best.

xxxxxx

 

[jeanierec]

Thank you

Thank you so much for your replies it means so much that friends you don't know are there for you.
I'll get in touch with Age uk and see if they can help.
With regards to social services administering drops they are not allowed to any more I'll try to get through to mums Drs again tomorrow.
Jeanie

 

[Aquamanda]

What a worry for you, Jeanie; I am so sorry. If you can direct your mother with the eyedrops over the phone, would the carers even consider just directing her to take them, even if you wrote a script out for them? Then they wouldn't actually be doing it but just guiding her?
Is there a warden in the sheltered housing who might take this on - or a kind neighbour, even if you paid them a few pounds a week?
Maybe the district nurses would help with the drops but if it is a twice daily permanent commitment that might be a lot to ask; I only say this because I work in the eye dept of a hospital where we carry out cataracts and the ward are very reluctant to ask the district nurses to do the drops even in the short-term post operatively.
However, in the circumstances, if your mother needs these drops daily then they surely must provide that service to her if no one else can?
So sorry to hear about your husband but my father had the same thing and there are some wonderful treatments and amazing operations that can be performed; it may be that your local hospital would not be able to do this and he might have to go somewhere like London if he needs an operation so that may be something you could also ask about once you have a firm diagnosis and plan of treatment.
sending big hugs xxx

 

[jeanierec]

thank you again

I'm overwhelmed by the kindness on this board and Sylvia I'm definitely going to ring the Admiral nurses so thank you for the suggestion.
Jeanie x