Happy Christmas

[RobK]

I travel to my Dad’s every week to provide general care support to him, sleeping over some two or three nights before returning home to my wife and family. They stopped coming with me on stop overs after his condition began to seriously deteriorate 12 months ago.

Whilst I’m there I have to spend most of my time in my bedroom out of his way otherwise he gets aggressive and abusive. Now Christmas is approaching and the thought of spending it away from my family practically in solitary confinement is not one I’m relishing.

I would feel guilty leaving him home alone at Christmas but since he won’t come to us should I pack my bags as usual and go and spend a miserable time with him or leave him to it and hope that it’s ‘just another day’ to him?

 

[cathy]

Hi Rob

Is there a respite centre available to you in your area that covers the Xmas period, I know your dad would probably kick up a fuss but i am sure the carers within these centres have seen it all before and would know how to handle him. I am not speaking from experience as i have not ventured into the respite services yet, but if it is available at xmas it could be a choice worth considering bearing in mind that all other options will make all of you unhappy including dad and you never know he might even like it and at least you know he is not alone and will be safe. i have come to realise with mum that there are times when i cant give in to her demands and anger outbursts because not only would it make me ill and resentful of her but it would make her too dependent on me as i sometimes think she "understands" that throwing an anger outburst works! We as a family are still on the learning curve with this illness but through trial and i am sure many errors we will become aware of what to do with each situation that arises even if it seems cruel,selfish or heartbreaking.

Good Luck

Cathy