Remembering Grandad- A monolgue

Biiz

Registered User
Aug 15, 2009
6
0
Berkshire
A way of remembering Granddad- Monologue

Hi all, i'm 18 years old and lost my Grandfather to dementia in 2010, and i wanted to show a way that i have managed to deal with it. My Nana also passed away in June 2011, for my coursework piece for English i decided to write a monologue of the possibility of what my Nana felt about Alzheimer's and how it effected her. It has been difficult writing, but it is now finish and i feel a lot of weight has lifted off of my shoulders, and i feel a sense of relief. I wanted to share this to show that there are many ways that you can overcome loss and here is mine.


Just remember, you are not alone.
Please write any thoughts you have.

Memories..
To say things were easy is an understatement. There were times where I thought I was dreaming and that I would wake up and things would go back to the way they were before things took a turn for the worst.

Even at the beginning of us it was easy, I was engaged to another man when I met you, we played darts together in the pub when we first met, and I knew straightaway that you were the one. We got married and had two boys who I am extremely proud of. We have 4 wonderful grandchildren who are all so beautiful and achieving so much thanks to our sons and their wives. It was 2006 when you first showed signs of Alzheimer’s disease; you came into the house and told me you’d been bitten by a snake in the garden, now I was used to your sense of humour so I thought it was a joke so I laughed until I saw you were being incredibly serious.

It worried me, but I just thought that the heat had got to you; it didn’t occur to me that you had Alzheimer’s. In 2007 you were diagnosed with it and that was the moment, when my heart broke, but also the moment where everything began to make sense. All those nights where you woke up, got fully dressed and went downstairs, and when I woke up to ask you where you were going you told me that you were going out on the motorbike with the lads. You hadn’t ridden a motorbike for 40 years and yet I thought you were just sleep walking and sleep talking. Luckily I managed to get you back into bed and stopped you from walking out the house.

That couldn’t be said for after you’d been diagnosed. 8 months you’d managed to get out the house. Luckily you only got to the back garden, but you were there with only a vest on, you must have been freezing. The neighbours gave me some help to get you back inside; we put some clothes on you and warmed you by the fire.
Even after the problems we had been through I still loved you. You wouldn’t have known it but I loved you. Even through the difficult times when when) when you had forgotten who I was. You called me your nurse and asked me where your wife was. You wanted your wife. That was always the most difficult question, the most difficult situation I had to go through. Those were the times where I wanted to shake you and take you back in time to remind you that I am your wife, but I couldn’t. To shake you wouldn’t have helped, and to take you back through your past was a stupid and impossible wish.

I want you to understand that I wanted what’s best for you. I didn’t want you to leave me but I couldn’t cope with the) violence. It not only physically hurt, but mentally as well. My husband, my own husband turning on me, it was so out of character, you were one of the gentlest, kind and patient people that I knew. What it does to you. What that horrible, horrible disease does to you. It hurts, it not only hurts you, and it makes you forget everything in the past, all those memories. Not only does it hurt the sufferer but it kills the carer inside. I couldn’t cope, you must understand that what I did, I did because I Loved you okay?

I wanted you to be safe and want to keep myself safe as well; this is why I moved you into the home. It was only 5 minutes away and there was always a minibus that the home ran so I could come and see you when I wanted to. Which I did, as much as I could because I love you. I hated seeing you there in a chair not being yourself; you talked to no-one all alone. I felt like I did something wrong by putting you there. Although we did take you out on our 60th anniversary, we took you to your eldest son’s house with his family, and there you saw your other son with his family, and my niece and her husband. She was our bridesmaid, at our wedding, so it was lovely to have her there. It was a lovely day; we had a BBQ and cake which you were happy to have seconds of. Our eldest son got you to sign a card for me, you couldn’t write your name though, but you still put the pen to the card and there were lines written on the card, but that didn’t matter to me, it was from you, and the pen marks were by you and that was all that mattered to me. I loved you so much and you were there with me to hold my hand and celebrate with me.

Then you had to go back to the home. The days were lonely without you. I missed you all of the time when I wasn’t with you. I missed those days where we travelled together hand in hand, and those times where you could tell me that you loved me. I wished that I told you every day and every time I would have meant it.
6 months after that you took a turn for the worst again. You started to turn violent towards the people at the home which was run by all females. We needed to find somewhere that was also ran by males so that they could easily restrain you when you got angry. So we moved you to a nursing home about an hour away from where I lived. It seemed like such a long way, but luckily our eldest son doesn’t live to far from our home, so he gave me lifts to come and see you when he could. Most of the time you were laid on your bed, either awake, or sometimes asleep. We tried to make conversation too, which you made some sort of mumbles, but nothing that could really be answered with anything more than a “yes dear”. It was difficult seeing you like that, only on your bed whenever we saw you, and the fact that we couldn’t talk to you because you’d forgotten how to. You used to be so good at talking to people and making terrible jokes that you’ve passed down to your sons and grandchildren. People always used to stop you to speak in the street, well in a small village like Goring it wasn’t difficult to know everyone, but people used to stop to talk to you for a long while, and you’d always find time for others no matter how busy you were. Whatever it was you were there for people, doing DIY or gardening for our neighbours, and even building your elder granddaughters cupboard, and now you hardly moved an inch from your bed. You know what else was hard for me? Seeing you lose so much weight; you lost so much weight when you went into the care home, you lost over four stone, which I guess was good for your health, but to me, it looked like you were wasting away.

Which you did to me you passed away so quickly, too quickly. You passed away in March 2010, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t want you to leave me. I know I know that I sound selfish, but you meant the absolute world to me. You are my world.

My absolute world.

I know the pain has now gone, and you won’t suffer anymore, but I would do anything to have the real you back. Not the man who had been taken over by the disease. Just for you to say those three small words, just to hear “I love you” and so that I could tell you how much you meant to me, and for you to understand. Just to tell you all the positive qualities you’ve had, no negatives, no stern words. Just I love you, and to tell you everything about you that I love. The way you were so gentle, calm and caring. You always had a joke to tell, or a practical joke to play on me, which yes I got annoyed by but I still loved you, even though the practical jokes sometimes went too far.

I loved you.
No.
I still love you.
You’re still my lifetime love, my soul mate, my world, and my best friend.

I will always love you until my ending.

Forever.
 
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Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
i feel a lot of weight has lifted off of my shoulders, and i feel a sense of relief.

Hello Biiz, I am so sorry to read that you have lost your grandparents, but what a wonderful tribute to them. Your monologue is very moving, and I am pleased that it has helped you so much.

Very best wishes to you, and thank you for sharing it with us. xx
 

Biiz

Registered User
Aug 15, 2009
6
0
Berkshire
Thank you all, and sorry for bringing you to tears!
I continue to write at the moment, staring to write a book for small children to understand about Alzheimer's and Dementia, as my sister was and still is too young to understand what Alzheimer's and Demntia is.

I just hope this gives some hope to others that there are other ways to grieve, and it can really help.
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
0
West Midlands
A Budding Writer - We Read It Here First!!!

staring to write a book for small children to understand about Alzheimer's and Dementia,

Keep writing, you seem to have an amazing insight and understanding into this condition and a gift of putting it all down on paper.

What you have written here looks to me like an outline for a book, I am only an expert in reading books but in my opinion you should continue to write - I am sure you would be able to transfer your skills/gift to other subjects, not only about Dementia but I really think a book for children is an excellent idea to start with, as if it is only half as good as your first post, it will be more than brilliant.
 

Biiz

Registered User
Aug 15, 2009
6
0
Berkshire
Thank you 2jays, it is much appreciated, thank you everyone for your support, you're all my inspiration <3
 

shauna

Registered User
Sep 10, 2010
240
0
That was lovely thank you for sharing it with us. You will make a brilliant writer.


Shauna