Dear Forum,
In looking for advice, understanding and information concerning my father's situation I have been reading different posts in different topics. I have surfed the jungle of the World Wide Web reading laws, printing, thinking, and calling different organizations and authorities trying to make sense of it all. And then I found this Forum of superhuman beings who have far worse situations than what I am dealing with; People, who have already been down the roads of pain and turmoil again and again and again. So I am appealing to your expertise and knowledge. My aim is to protect and respect my Father’s rights and welfare.
My father who lives in Scotland was admitted to Hospital 18 months ago and was declared mentally incapacitated in March 2011. He was moved to a nursing home in May 2011.
I live in Europe and visit him on a regular basis every two months and stay for 2 -4 weeks and can fortunately spend quality time with him because he is in a wonderful nursing home. I have adapted emotionally and found ways to communicate with him, I observe what he can and cannot do. We always played cards together, our only card game now is who has the highest card and we can play for hours. The winner gets a biscuit or a chocolate. He has not lost his humor and sometimes says laughing, “I know you let me win?” And I know, he is still in there, somewhere. I cry for joy. Even though he lives in a different time, I adapt. When he asks, “When do we take the plane? When do we take the bus?, When do we take the boat?” I know which time period he is in.
My Dad was a “Flying Grandpa”. I am a single parent living and working in Europe and for 20 years he was always there. For one city he took the boat, for another he took the bus and eventually he overcame his fear of flying that he took the plane. He stayed with us for months and had his own life and friends in each city. He tried to learn French, German even Spanish. The most important was to be able to order a beer, in any language. I know my Dad, his likes and dislikes, the clothes he would and would never wear, his favorite food, the songs he likes, that he doesn’t like tight socks, would never wear his hair parted, only combed back and never went anywhere without his brill-cream. Even at 70 he was still a rock and roller ready to sing a song with his guitar.
It was decided that in my Dad’s best interests my oldest Brother would become his legal welfare and financial guardian and would first apply for an appointeeship to deal with pensions tax etc.
From the very beginning of my fathers’ illness we have had arguments and he has refused to speak or inform me of anything. It got so bad that I went to the Citizen’s Advice Bureau on behalf of my Father to ask for help and advice. They arranged an immediate meeting with the social Welfare.
I reported that the nurses and doctors refused to tell me anything.
I reported that when I went to my Father’s house I found a dump. My brother was angry that I had entered the house and wanted my key. (I refused, and my daughter and I cleaned the house from top to bottom.)I reported with worry the unpaid bills, the swarms of flies, that his home was being neglected while he was in hospital, the lack of communication and that still no one (Gas board, electricity, etc)had been informed of my Fathers situation. They took notes.
In July 2011, the social services made an emergency meeting and said because I live abroad it is still within my Dad’s best interests for my Brother to become his legal and Welfare Guardian. To keep peace I never argued, I bit my tongue. My brother promised he would keep me involved and informed.
Nothing changed, my brother continued not to take my calls or return my calls or emails.
I decided to let him do his thing. No war.
When I am there I am there for my Father. I buy what he needs without giving it a second thought, thermal underwear, winter coat, slippers, I order new glasses, I stock up his room with things he likes.
But now the situation is worse as I found out the following last week:
The nursing home has not received any money;11 months unpaid. His place is in jeopardy.
The nursing home has never received a personal allowance, for my father.
The money, which I gave my brother, last year, to pay my fathers Bills have not been paid. They are now at creditors.
My brother took away his winter coat, so the nurses had to borrow one from another patient to take him for a doctor’s appointment.
From outside Scotland, I took the bull by the horns. I turned into a tiger and decided I will fight with all my might to protect my father and his rights as an individual human being.
I have written, faxed, called, emailed, every family member, every organization, social services, DWP, Court of protection, I have told every one who loves my father, wake up, stand up and lets find a plan together.
My Father has no property and has/had only a small amount of savings for his funeral costs. I have organized an emergency check from his bank to pay the nursing home via the legal services of his bank. Something my brother could have done a long time ago.
Most of the family are also old age pensioners and are afraid of my older brother, I have another younger brother (with a gambling problem) and not really anyone who wants to apply for Guardianship.
The social services still think I have no chance of becoming my father’s Guardian and I also wonder can my love for my Dad conquer the courts?
Has anybody any knowledge or advice?
With all my respect,
NellieBelly
In looking for advice, understanding and information concerning my father's situation I have been reading different posts in different topics. I have surfed the jungle of the World Wide Web reading laws, printing, thinking, and calling different organizations and authorities trying to make sense of it all. And then I found this Forum of superhuman beings who have far worse situations than what I am dealing with; People, who have already been down the roads of pain and turmoil again and again and again. So I am appealing to your expertise and knowledge. My aim is to protect and respect my Father’s rights and welfare.
My father who lives in Scotland was admitted to Hospital 18 months ago and was declared mentally incapacitated in March 2011. He was moved to a nursing home in May 2011.
I live in Europe and visit him on a regular basis every two months and stay for 2 -4 weeks and can fortunately spend quality time with him because he is in a wonderful nursing home. I have adapted emotionally and found ways to communicate with him, I observe what he can and cannot do. We always played cards together, our only card game now is who has the highest card and we can play for hours. The winner gets a biscuit or a chocolate. He has not lost his humor and sometimes says laughing, “I know you let me win?” And I know, he is still in there, somewhere. I cry for joy. Even though he lives in a different time, I adapt. When he asks, “When do we take the plane? When do we take the bus?, When do we take the boat?” I know which time period he is in.
My Dad was a “Flying Grandpa”. I am a single parent living and working in Europe and for 20 years he was always there. For one city he took the boat, for another he took the bus and eventually he overcame his fear of flying that he took the plane. He stayed with us for months and had his own life and friends in each city. He tried to learn French, German even Spanish. The most important was to be able to order a beer, in any language. I know my Dad, his likes and dislikes, the clothes he would and would never wear, his favorite food, the songs he likes, that he doesn’t like tight socks, would never wear his hair parted, only combed back and never went anywhere without his brill-cream. Even at 70 he was still a rock and roller ready to sing a song with his guitar.
It was decided that in my Dad’s best interests my oldest Brother would become his legal welfare and financial guardian and would first apply for an appointeeship to deal with pensions tax etc.
From the very beginning of my fathers’ illness we have had arguments and he has refused to speak or inform me of anything. It got so bad that I went to the Citizen’s Advice Bureau on behalf of my Father to ask for help and advice. They arranged an immediate meeting with the social Welfare.
I reported that the nurses and doctors refused to tell me anything.
I reported that when I went to my Father’s house I found a dump. My brother was angry that I had entered the house and wanted my key. (I refused, and my daughter and I cleaned the house from top to bottom.)I reported with worry the unpaid bills, the swarms of flies, that his home was being neglected while he was in hospital, the lack of communication and that still no one (Gas board, electricity, etc)had been informed of my Fathers situation. They took notes.
In July 2011, the social services made an emergency meeting and said because I live abroad it is still within my Dad’s best interests for my Brother to become his legal and Welfare Guardian. To keep peace I never argued, I bit my tongue. My brother promised he would keep me involved and informed.
Nothing changed, my brother continued not to take my calls or return my calls or emails.
I decided to let him do his thing. No war.
When I am there I am there for my Father. I buy what he needs without giving it a second thought, thermal underwear, winter coat, slippers, I order new glasses, I stock up his room with things he likes.
But now the situation is worse as I found out the following last week:
The nursing home has not received any money;11 months unpaid. His place is in jeopardy.
The nursing home has never received a personal allowance, for my father.
The money, which I gave my brother, last year, to pay my fathers Bills have not been paid. They are now at creditors.
My brother took away his winter coat, so the nurses had to borrow one from another patient to take him for a doctor’s appointment.
From outside Scotland, I took the bull by the horns. I turned into a tiger and decided I will fight with all my might to protect my father and his rights as an individual human being.
I have written, faxed, called, emailed, every family member, every organization, social services, DWP, Court of protection, I have told every one who loves my father, wake up, stand up and lets find a plan together.
My Father has no property and has/had only a small amount of savings for his funeral costs. I have organized an emergency check from his bank to pay the nursing home via the legal services of his bank. Something my brother could have done a long time ago.
Most of the family are also old age pensioners and are afraid of my older brother, I have another younger brother (with a gambling problem) and not really anyone who wants to apply for Guardianship.
The social services still think I have no chance of becoming my father’s Guardian and I also wonder can my love for my Dad conquer the courts?
Has anybody any knowledge or advice?
With all my respect,
NellieBelly
