Night problems

[JackMac]

Hello

My dad is having major problems with mum at night. During the day, whilst she has deterioated, she is easier to manage.
For the last few months she has started getting up in the middle of the night and having a shower and getting dressed for the day. Got her on sleeping tablets which worked for a few weeks. Then it started again so the dose was doubled. That worked for 1 night! Since then she has got worse. The last 2 or 3 weeks she gets up 2-3 times a night. Last night, 6 times and stayed up in the end, fully dressed and having breakfast.......about 3am.

Dad gave up in the end, locked the doors, took the keys with him and went back to bed. He's exhausted though. He's 76 and I'm terrified something will happen to him.
He's turned the shower off at the mains and that worked for a few nights but now she just stayes up banging doors etc.

Have rang the CPN and she's referring mum back to her consultant.

Anyone got any tips with these problems?

I want my mum back

thanks
Jackmac

 

[SWMBO1950]

Hello Jack Mac

Sorry to hear of the problems your Dad is having with your Mum. Unfortunately I have nothing helpful to add except this could have been me describing what happened with my FIL. My MIL was exhausted also.

One night she rang me in a panic as she thought she had overdosed him. I went over and he was out for the count and could not be roused. Spoke to NHS direct but in the middle of the conversation - yes you guessed - up he got and we were off again. It went in 15-30 minute naps then he was up again. If she dosed off in the day as soon as he was awake he would wake her. She also locked the door as he was wander off - one day it was all day and it was 30 degrees, The police brought him back in the end.

In the end I had to get SS round (she had been waiting over 18 months for a first visit). He went into care sometime after that and has been there over 10 years now.

Just remind your Dad that his welfare is as important as your Mums.

Best wishes and I hope someone else has something more helpful for you.

Hello

My dad is having major problems with mum at night. During the day, whilst she has deterioated, she is easier to manage.
For the last few months she has started getting up in the middle of the night and having a shower and getting dressed for the day. Got her on sleeping tablets which worked for a few weeks. Then it started again so the dose was doubled. That worked for 1 night! Since then she has got worse. The last 2 or 3 weeks she gets up 2-3 times a night. Last night, 6 times and stayed up in the end, fully dressed and having breakfast.......about 3am.

Dad gave up in the end, locked the doors, took the keys with him and went back to bed. He's exhausted though. He's 76 and I'm terrified something will happen to him.
He's turned the shower off at the mains and that worked for a few nights but now she just stayes up banging doors etc.

Have rang the CPN and she's referring mum back to her consultant.

Anyone got any tips with these problems?

I want my mum back

thanks
Jackmac

 

[JackMac]

Thank you, that is helpful just to know someone else knows what it's like.

I do remind my dad all the time that his welfare is just as important. He even said he might cancel the holiday this year but I told him no way and that we could put mum in respite if she's not well enough. I feel so sorry for him. He looks so tired. He's good for 76 but he won't be soon if things carry on like this. If she's like this tonight I might spend a night over there and maybe get him to sleep at my house so he gets a good sleep.

thanks again
x

 

[chucky]

My dad used to be really bad at night time too. I tried everything i could think of, hot drinks, a walk before bed, whisky, you name it i tried it. He was a wanderer too and would open the door and be off into the night in the blink of an eye. Never found a solution but now hes in care apparently he sleeps all night.

 

[alicejude]

Hi Jackmac,

Mum was the same, tried her on different sleeping pills but after a week or two found they no longer worked. Her GP prescribed her Diazapan, 3 doses 3 times a day depending on how bad she was, it worked sometimes but not always. Myself and dad found that after a few days and nights without sleep she would finally give in to it and would therefore sleep for 30 hours. We just tried to sleep and relax when she did but when she woke she would certainly make up for it!

Sorry I can't give you any advice, just hope you have better luck than we did.

Take care xx

 

[Pheath]

Jackmac - sorry your dad is going through such a hellish time at night, it's an awful problem to come up against as nobody can function sleep deprived for v long especially when they have to care all day long too. If you've tried sleeping pills the only other thing I can think of is employing a night-time carer to stay some nights enabling your dad to sleep undisturbed. We've come up against this problem also and have a carer we can call on an ad hoc basis who only charges £30 per night. Our local carers centre also offers night-time respite at a reduced rate through the Princess Royal Trust for Carers, there are centres in many parts of the country. Otherwise if you need someone in a great rush an agency is best although charges are considerably more. Very best of luck, my mum is the same age as your dad and always worry about her greatly at night as she's alone with dad in the house.

 

[Ephraim]

Hi. My Mum is going through the same problem with my Dad. We have found that doing something during the day to tire him out helps. This may be a simple walk or going out shopping.
Not allowing him to dose all day also helps although it seems cruel to wake him every time he begins to nap.
I have found that by talking about the problem with Dad repeatedly and explaining the negative effect it is having on Mum, he is actually beginning to become aware of the problem and will ask if he was up and about during the night each morning. For the past few nights he has slept right through the night, or at least has not got up.
No point in scolding him in the mornings. That only serves to upset him and make him feel even more suicidal.
More proactive action is to ask family members to stay over, albeit on an inflatable bed if necessary, to take care of your Mum during the night. This will give your Dad the opportunity to sleep, knowing that someone else is there to deal with any problems. It is difficult and requires effort of a whole family. Do not try to sort out the problem alone. Everyone in the family needs to help out! Don't be afraid to remind them of that. I have been there!
best wishes,
Ephraim.

 

[JackMac]

Thanks everyone.

I'm going to try what you suggested Ephraim. I do this with my 5 year old son when he gets up too early and if I talk to him about it he sleeps in the next day!
My mum does take some things in. For example she refused to take the sleeping pills at first. I explained the effect on dad of not taking them and said we'd have to speak to the doctors if it continued and she took them after that.
I'll try the same tactic again!

xx

 

[Ephraim]

Hi,

just one more thought.
It may be helpful if your Mum and Dad sleep in separate rooms. That way. if your Mum is happy to be awake during the night, she may be able to spend time in her room perhaps looking at interesting or personal items you place in there.
Disruption of sleep will take a toll on your poor Dad as you know.
I hope some of my advice works.
best wishes,
Ephraim

 

[JackMac]

they have slept in separate rooms for years due to both snoring and dad twitching due to leg injury from a car accident years ago.

I talked to mum last night about not getting up until she heard the alarm clock or dad telling her to get up. She still got up twice. I really thought that might work too as some things register this way.
never mind, as we said was worth a try.

We are seeing the consultant monday. wish us luck. Her docs are a little patronising but we should not complain as they have done as we have asked in the past. Only this time I need them to tell us what to do!
I'm taking my sister along too as the mood I'm in at the moment I keep bawling!

jackmac

 

[Margaret W]

My mum was a night bird, out on the streets at 2 a.m getting the bus to the Old People's Centre. Or banging on the door of the Late Shop wanting a loaf of bread. Or looking for my late father. Or off to church for Sunday Mass at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday morning. Or hoovering at 3 a.m. and telly on full blast (without her hearing aids), so the next door neighbours in her little terraced house had fun with that!

Whilst your mum is living with your dad,she is manageable, but it isn't good for him, and maybe the time has come to think of a care home. It is what you would be planning if she lived on her own, isn't it? And you have to think of your dad's wellbeing too.

Do some serious thinking about it.

It ain't easy, I know.

Love

Margaret

 

[JackMac]

Hi Margaret

Thanks for your reply. Mum is not at the stage for a care home yet. During the day is actually more manageable as she deterioates dad says because she isn't trying to 'escape' anymore. She is with it enough that I think she would be devastated if we put her in a home and we'd be devastated too.
Honestly, it's not just us kidding ourselves, she really isn't at that stage yet. Yes you are right though that if dad wasn't around it may be different as she would not be safe alone. My sister and I have young children.

We see her doctor tomorrow but I have no idea what he will suggest. No doubt it will become a social worker problem that will end up costing mum and dad a fortune...i.e. for night sitters.

She is deterioating at a faster rate than we expected so I am realistic that a care home may be the answer sooner than we think. I hope not though as I dread that day, I really do. It will kill us all.

 

[Margaret W]

Hi Jackmack

I was probably a bit premature with my suggestion of a care home, cos thinking about it, if my dad had been alive, he'd have sorted mum out for as long as he could, and he'd have done a great job of it.

So bear in mind my comments, but good luck with how you proceed.

Love

Margaret

 

[nmintueo]

I talked to mum last night about not getting up until she heard the alarm clock or dad telling her to get up. She still got up twice. I really thought that might work too as some things register this way.
never mind, as we said was worth a try.

Certainly was worth a try. Difficult to know whether she can't remember to wait for the alarm, or whether she can't remember whether the alarm has gone off, or both.

It might be that blackout curtains or some continuous visible day/night indication would help. I suppose the only way to find out is to try and see.

Doesn't sound very hopeful, though, if she's getting up at all hours - i.e. not just as soon as it gets light.
See also this thread:
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?42454-Dementia-clocks

There are nightlights designed for children that might be useful for some people for day/night indication:



You set them to show 'day' or 'night' at the times you choose.

Maybe an audio reminder on the door to her room:

... a device that activates when the front door is opened. It will play a message recorded by hubby (so its a familar voice) appropriate to the time of day either telling for example that its day its night time and to not go out or to remember his coat (big problem at the moment).

 

[JackMac]

Thanks Margaret. We saw the registrar today and he was really nice actually....better than I was expecting! He is referring mum to the community mental health team for them to assess dad for night sitters................so no doubt here comes a nice big bill for them to pay!
He had no other answers which did not surprise us. I knew from what he was saying that he also thought down the track we'd have to think of care homes. But not just yet.

nmintueo, thanks for that info. I have never seen those clocks and I'm going to have a look now. As for the audio reminder on the door, never heard of them either and really made me laugh at the thought of my dad's voice telling her to go back to bed. sounds like something I should check out for sure!

jackmac

 

[Margaret W]

I wish someone had told me about all these clever things when my mum was going through it all. There was nothing. It was Care Home or be in a mess at home. I'm sure some of these things were available then, I just didn't know about them. Makes me feel a little guilty for not finding out.

I can now hear my dad on the voice system saying "Marian, it's too early. go back to bed". Magnificent.

Good luck

Love

Margaret

 

[aitch7918]

we used to set a radio alarm clock for my dad, told him it was time to get up after the radio came on, took a week or so for him to get it, it then worked well for about six months! dont know why it suddenly stopped working though, was working so well one weekend (luckily!) we had a power cut and radio did not come on, and whole house had a lie in till 9.30 am, we were so used to him waking us we didnt bother setting our own alarms lol
Another idea we heard about was the sunrise lamps, apparently then can work well with blackout curtains/blinds, good for people who have always been early risers!!

 

[nmintueo]

the registrar ... is referring mum to the community mental health team for them to assess dad for night sitters. ... He had no other answers which did not surprise us.

Good luck with that. It could be that kind of intervention that's needed.

As for the audio reminder on the door, never heard of them either and really made me laugh at the thought of my dad's voice telling her to go back to bed. sounds like something I should check out for sure!

Don't know exactly what device they had, but there's a similar sort of thing (perhaps less versatile) in the online store here:
Walking Reminder
http://shop.alzheimers.org.uk/product/walking-reminder/

we used to set a radio alarm clock for my dad, told him it was time to get up after the radio came on, took a week or so for him to get it, it then worked well for about six months!

Aitch: genius! A simple and effective solution for your dad for a time.

 

[JackMac]

thank you. I'll check that out.

Aitch I might persist then with the alarm clock. Maybe we did not try hard enough. Dad said she slept better last night after he reduced the sleeping tablet. Sedation seems to make people more confused.

jackmac