My dad died yesterday and i am devastated.
I do feel he is now in a better place and free from his tortured mind. My friend mad ethe comment that dementia is a life stealer, how true is that?
I cannot help but beat myself up that I have not seen him since the 18th December with all the health issues I have had to deal with.
Cannot go into all the issues because it is too painful, but the upshot is that there has been a huge family row
There was a family meeting to discuss the funeral arrangements this afternoon and that was held local to where my sisters and stepmom live.Prior to that I was asked by phone if there was anything I wanted brought up at the meeting. My only request was that stepmoms son in law respectfully stayed away from the funeral.
This was because dad and him had never got on, and dad finally said he was no longer welcome at their home.
You might possibly have guessed that the real reason behind all this was money! My stepmom had previously owned a house that they (SIL and daughter) expected to inherit before dad came on the scene some 13 years ago.
I will always be grateful to stepmom for looking after my father as before he died he was suffering with vascular dementia, but they constantly rowed and she called him Satan!Eighteen months ago she walked out on him but returned after Dad had spent some time in a nursing home and stayed with him until 5 weeks ago when she left with her daughter to live at their house. Dad was left on his own with no means of contacting anyone only the police. He is nearly blind, could not remember our telephone numbers because of his dementia and social services had to put him in emergency care. Why my step mom and her family not tell us what they were going to do, why leave him in the house on his own?Since then he has gonedown hill so fast. My sisters and I found him a good EMI nursing home for the last three weeks of his life, but not once has my stepmom phoned or enquired or visited him....the care home is only five minutes from their home by car.
Am I being to judgemental in my grief?
All I want to do is attend my dads funeral without any arguments BUT I dont want the SIL there as to me that is being hypocritical. If stepmom wants support and wants her own family her daughter will be there and they could send a grandson or another member of the family Dad did not object to.
You would have thought that was enough to cope with? But my younger sister is going on holiday abroad and so the funeral will not take place until she returns some 12 days after his death. They want the coffin closed but I have still not seen my Dad but I think I should not be expected to see him some 12 days after his death.
So I have decided that tomorrow I shall travel to see my dad in the funeral home and say my good byes there. I feel as if I have let Dad down and my sisters have not considered the only wish I requested.
I shall not be attending the funeral, because there is no way I could stand in a house of God with all the bad feelings I have inside me. Better to say a quiet goodbye to Dad myself and let them get on with it. They are blaming me now because they say I caused a major family row, even though I was not there, just by trying to consider dads wishes.
I apologise for the vent but feel there is no where else I can turn.
I do feel he is now in a better place and free from his tortured mind. My friend mad ethe comment that dementia is a life stealer, how true is that?
I cannot help but beat myself up that I have not seen him since the 18th December with all the health issues I have had to deal with.
Cannot go into all the issues because it is too painful, but the upshot is that there has been a huge family row
There was a family meeting to discuss the funeral arrangements this afternoon and that was held local to where my sisters and stepmom live.Prior to that I was asked by phone if there was anything I wanted brought up at the meeting. My only request was that stepmoms son in law respectfully stayed away from the funeral.
This was because dad and him had never got on, and dad finally said he was no longer welcome at their home.
You might possibly have guessed that the real reason behind all this was money! My stepmom had previously owned a house that they (SIL and daughter) expected to inherit before dad came on the scene some 13 years ago.
I will always be grateful to stepmom for looking after my father as before he died he was suffering with vascular dementia, but they constantly rowed and she called him Satan!Eighteen months ago she walked out on him but returned after Dad had spent some time in a nursing home and stayed with him until 5 weeks ago when she left with her daughter to live at their house. Dad was left on his own with no means of contacting anyone only the police. He is nearly blind, could not remember our telephone numbers because of his dementia and social services had to put him in emergency care. Why my step mom and her family not tell us what they were going to do, why leave him in the house on his own?Since then he has gonedown hill so fast. My sisters and I found him a good EMI nursing home for the last three weeks of his life, but not once has my stepmom phoned or enquired or visited him....the care home is only five minutes from their home by car.
Am I being to judgemental in my grief?
All I want to do is attend my dads funeral without any arguments BUT I dont want the SIL there as to me that is being hypocritical. If stepmom wants support and wants her own family her daughter will be there and they could send a grandson or another member of the family Dad did not object to.
You would have thought that was enough to cope with? But my younger sister is going on holiday abroad and so the funeral will not take place until she returns some 12 days after his death. They want the coffin closed but I have still not seen my Dad but I think I should not be expected to see him some 12 days after his death.
So I have decided that tomorrow I shall travel to see my dad in the funeral home and say my good byes there. I feel as if I have let Dad down and my sisters have not considered the only wish I requested.
I shall not be attending the funeral, because there is no way I could stand in a house of God with all the bad feelings I have inside me. Better to say a quiet goodbye to Dad myself and let them get on with it. They are blaming me now because they say I caused a major family row, even though I was not there, just by trying to consider dads wishes.
I apologise for the vent but feel there is no where else I can turn.
