Tonight BBC2 9.00pm documentary " granny's moving in" about 83 yr old with dementia

[tre]

Do not know whether or not this will be worth watching. Apparently her daughter and husband move in with her and find she is "exhausting and abrasively cruel to her daughter Sue". Sounds realistic- at least they do not insist she does the crossword and this staves off dementia.
I am going to have a go at watching this but it might be too difficult to watch if it reminds me too much of my dear mum.
Tre

 

[bets daughter]

Thank you ,Tre may be i will watch it as long as it does not hurt to much .Had a worrying couple of days as Mum has suddenly become more sleepy and not eating , every thing seems to be all to much , almost afraid to ask Sister of CH if she thinks Mum is going down hill , hoping she will be not so tired tomorrow ,she has a heart problems i wonder if its that ? I must be braver tomorrow annd ask , i think im trying to hide my head in the sand as its a year ago my dear Dad started to decline and he died April 2011 .Felt really sad after visit today again , i feel Mum maybe slipping .She was peaceful and just kept sleeping, i must not be selfish it would be a wonderful way for Mum to go if its time.I sat and watched her and thought how wonderful she has been as a Mum and Granny and now Great Granny .Hope im wrong please stay a while longer Mum

 

[tre]

Dear Bet,
my mum died Feb2011 so I know where you are coming from. Also I noticed you are from Devon. I was born in North Devon and mum and dad moved back there to dad's home village when they retired. They had ten good years until mum started with Vascular Dementia when we relocated them back here to Herts where my brother and I live so as to offer more support. My brother who is younger and has always lived in this area does not feel the pull like I do. I understood completely their wanting to go back to Devon even though they had lived in Herts for 40 years. I used to go and visit them and when I got to the last bit of road where I could see the sea used to think I want to turn around. Dad is now on his own up here living in a retired persons flat and I am also full time carer for my husband with AD. however, I took dad and my husband back to dad,s home village in North Devon last September and it was the first thing he had looked forward to since mum's death. Since then my husband has gone downhill (MMSE now 6 )but I am taking the two of them again for a week mid May. I gave this to dad as a birthday present in January and he is so looking forward to it. Dad is 84, disabled ( full rate AA severe Rheumatoid Arthritis) so I will be the only able bodied one but I really want to do this as I do not know how much longer I shall have him. We had a good property which we are going back to which is a bungalow, in the village, with walk in shower and two bathrooms. I cannot get dad's mobility scooter in our car but the local mobility centre hired me a portable one for the week last time for £50 which I will look to doing again.
Tre

 

[scarletpauline]

I have set it to record and if you say it's not worth watching, I won't watch it. These days I am so tired by that time I can't concentrate anyway. Must admit it sounds interesting though.

 

[Izzy]

I don't know why but I can't watch anything about dementia - neither fact nor fiction. Having gone through the vascular dementia with mum and still living with Bill's Alzheimer's I don't want to watch it. I suppose that's a bit shallow. I've always half wanted to see the film about Iris Murdoch but couldn't bring myself to watch it.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I don't know why but I can't watch anything about dementia - neither fact nor fiction. Having gone through the vascular dementia with mum and still living with Bill's Alzheimer's I don't want to watch it. I suppose that's a bit shallow. I've always half wanted to see the film about Iris Murdoch but couldn't bring myself to watch it.

I know exactly how you feel Izzy. I don't think it's shallow at all. I can't bring myself to watch the Iris Murdoch film either and have a perfect prejudice against Terry Pratchett, although somehow I didn't feel the same about the Iron Lady film. When you are living and breathing dementia every day, it's perfectly understandable that you might want to keep a distance from dementia on TV as well.

Nevertheless, thank you to Tre for highlighting this programme. I do like to know what is going on even if I don't feel like rushing down to watch it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

 

[elaine n]

I watched it, wasn't sure if I could, it's the first thing I've watched about dementia since Gary died.

I was struck by the daughter's lack of understanding about the disease and it's effects - she seemed so challenging and judgemental of her mother - I found that hard to watch. There was no compassionate communication there, although she obviously loved her mum, she just seemed to meet her head on every time

 

[Nan2seven]

I've watched the programme and I was disappointed.
Anyone else like to give their opinion?
Love, Nan XXX

 

[nellbelles]

I have recorded it, I think I will watch it bit by bit if I can, if not I will hit the delete key, I like many others here do not need stressful TV.

Helen x

 

[Kathphlox]

Just finished watching it.. it was ok.. early stages of VasD as far as I can detect. Not upsetting to watch at all.. I saw the same mistakes we all made like challenging what mum said and confrontational stuff... heh, I had a little laugh to myself...The shock will be when her independance leads to danger.

Poor things, they think they will have a life again now that Granny has moved in, I hope they keep a closer eye on her than they are doing on her jaunts.

I'm sad to see their expectations when most of us know they are unfounded.

 

[Chemmy]

What struck me was their comment at the end - "That has to be better than a care home".

What? Stuck in the 'annexe' - a converted garage - with a resentful son-in-law and a stressed out daughter living in the main house. I don't think so.

Peggy would have been in her element is an easy going sociable residential care home. She'd have loved the company and activities they could have provided and she would have been safe.

 

[elaine n]

I think you're right chemmy, she's such a sociable soul!

I didn't find the dementia aspect difficult to watch but the family's expectations wre worrying knowing how much harder it's going to get

 

[Helen33]

I watched it and felt so sorry for the mum. The film highlighted for me 'how not to do it' on so many levels. No wonder the mum was angry. I don't think that anger should be blamed on alzheimers disease but anger anyone would feel at not being understood.

When they were at the doctor's and the daughter was talking about her mum as if she wasn't there. The look on her mum's face showed just how she felt.

 

[Chemmy]

I find this desire to 'keep their independence' baffling (albeit with the benefit of hindsight).

The one thing to come out of the programme for me was how bewildering the world must seem to someone like Peggy. No wonder she stuck her fingers in her ears when her daughter (understandably frustrated) was having yet another go at her. I felt like doing the same.

 

[florence43]

Awwww, I'm watching it with the laptop on my lap! Only 7 minutes in so we're just meeting the family, and I knew I shouldn't have looked at this thread until I'd finished watching. Bit like skipping to the end chapter at the start of a book! But I'm not good with temptation...!

Shame, really, because the first 7 minutes (I've paused it!) have got me smiling fondly at the lovely mother as she bursts into song and laughs a lot! She's so sweet. Already, I feel protective of her and, at least I'm prepared now...

OK, back to the film and I'll update later with the verdict. I'm surprised I can watch this so soon after losing mum, but I find I'm drawn to anything dementia-related...suppose I always will be?

xx

 

[Onlyme]

It may just be my take having looked after someone with dementia and now AD but I found that it seemed so early on as not to be much of a problem. We all know what is coming and there can't be one of us that didn't think just you wait dear when the daughter said that they could get on with their lives. The daughter kept on trying to explain - surely she must have worked out by now that doesn't work.

I felt it still had a glow of rose tinted spectacles about it. The general public will think that this programme shows the maximum of how bad it will get rather than realising this is just the beginning. I can see Mum going dancing any time of the day or night, over boiling the kettle, tipping hot water everywhere, leaving the shed unlocked. She was having trouble with the lock already let alone after a downturn. They are going to have to get a GPS on her handbag and keys asap as they will need it.

 

[reno]

Very mixed feelings here. Can't help but feel that it was dangerously misleading. If that's Alzheimers, then as far as that programme goes it looks quite jolly - as if it turns the sufferer into a mischeivous child, no worse. I could have slapped the daughter with her constant challenging of her mum and her attempts, with a pained expression, to attempt to explain explain explain everything (again) as if to a child. And yes, the self-satisfied wish to give her independence (ie lock her in the garage! OK - she had her own key). I'd like to hear from someone on this forum for whom this was a recognisable depiction of having a relative with dementia live at home with them

 

[elaine n]

I think it made me feel angry really at how they treated her, albeit with the best intentions - I hate feeling judgemental, it's not fair when people are doing the best they can but it was painful to watch someone with dementia being challenged so much

 

[reno]

What would be interesting - and what they really SHOULD do - is to make a follow-up programme a year on. Now that would be good TV ...

 

[dovey]

What a sweet lady .
my OH and i have just watched it (though OH missed last bit as he had to sort his dad out ,no bowel control ) and we laughed with Peggy .She is such a spirited lady .
You could see her SIL wasnt 100% happy with her being there .And the daughter has def not logged on to TP !! the first thing i learned on here was to have patience and not be argumentetive