Constantly reminded.

hazytron

Registered User
Apr 4, 2008
1,166
0
SOUTH LAKES
I know it is early days, two weeks today since Mum passed from this life, but every minute of every day Mum is in my thoughts.

My sadness is immense, I look from my house into hers. I hear my phone and think it will be her, I know it can't be but still I expect to hear her voice.

I removed some hair from her hair brush and have kept it somewhere safe.

I am glad she is at peace, the torment of Dementia was unbearable for her and all concerned, have others felt this way, I ask myself. Yes, I am sure, so, if you would be so kind, please talk to me and assure me I am not crazy.

Hazel
 

larivy

Registered User
Apr 19, 2009
5,225
0
70
essex
Hi Hazel mum has been gone for ten weeks now and I still can't accept it I often get up in the night and go in her room because I'm sure I heard her call me:eek: when something happens or I'm shopping I still think mum would love that I have not slept. In my own room yet because I think of mum and can't sleep and te..cos is a no no for me so yes it's not just you mums are special and I know it will take time to adjust thinking of you love larivy:eek:
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear Hazel,

Well you are definitely not going crazy:) Just think how much of your energies over the last few years have been invested in things 'to do with mum and dementia'. You are used to this kind of investment and it can't just automatically stop. You will need time to get used to the idea that this level of investment is no longer necessary. Then you will need more time to think about how you are going to re-invest these energies.

Sending love and a (HUG)
 

together

Registered User
May 25, 2010
483
0
Derbyshire
Hazel, No you are certainly not going crazy. It's nearly a year for me and whenever I go back to visit Dad I hear Mum. I wake at the weekend (must be when my mind allows me to relax)and instantly think must ring Mumand tell her certain things. As Kassy says be kind to yourself,it will take time and moments will always hit you from nowhere.On the train on the way home from work tonight I suddenly found myself in tears as memories of Mum hit me. I did feel stupid but couldn't help it.
Take care of yourself, we all understand Katherine x
 

tre

Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
1,352
0
Herts
Dear Hazel,
My mum died on Feb 05 2011 and there is not a single day when I do not think of her. It is now mostly fondly remembering her when she was well but some sad memories still. I would not beat yourself up over this. As I said to dad this weekend we miss her so much because we loved her so much. I have regrets when I have gone through some of her things with dad to see how she managed to conceal the dementia in the early days and wish she could have confided in me then. But that was her choice- to carry on as if there was no problem for as long as possible. My only explanation for this was that she did it because she loved us. What an amazing lady.
It is so hard to lose your mum. My thoughts are with you
Tre
 

Coletta

Registered User
Jan 6, 2009
400
0
Souh East Essex
Hi Hazel,

I lost my mum in law nearly 2 months ago, and have been 'out of sorts' physically and mentally since. I can't bring myself to move the blue wrap Mum always had around her shoulders from her chair, a constant reminder every time I go into her room. There is also no reason to have to get up in the mornings now. I thought I would like that, but no, Ive realised the opposite. And I'm so tired all the time as well, and have to force myself to do things. I'm hoping this will improve when I start a little voluntary job next week.
I have also kept a lock of mum's hair, she had a most beautiful head of hair, even at 97.
No you're not crazy, it's just such early days yet Hazel.

Love
Coletta xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,994
0
72
Dundee
........
I can't bring myself to move the blue wrap Mum always had around her shoulders from her chair, a constant reminder every time I go into her room.


No you're not crazy, it's just such early days yet Hazel.

My mum died in July. Her travel rug is still sitting on the back of the chair she always sat on in the lounge. Nobody ever sits in that chair. I too think of my mum every single day - but not necessarily in a sad way. It's more like 'mum would have liked this'; 'when we were last here with mum ....'; etc etc

Last week I re-read the thread I posted on the morning she passed away. It's only now I've been able to do this.
 

larivy

Registered User
Apr 19, 2009
5,225
0
70
essex
I sleep ever night with mums fleece she used to have over her legs apart from her bed her room is still the same I keep going to clear her wardrobes then come across something and can't do it I'm hoping in time things will get better and easier
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,994
0
72
Dundee
I gave away almost all of mum's clothes apart from three cardigans we both loved. I've started to wear them - they've been much admired!
 

TriciaD

Registered User
Jan 9, 2012
75
0
Four weeks for me and feel so cold and rundown, I want to ask her things and can't :( When shopping see things she would have loved but can't buy them for her now :( Sure this is all perfectly "normal" and it helps to talk to others going through the same.
 

alicejude

Registered User
Nov 6, 2011
161
0
Yorkshire England
My Beautiful Mum passed away 5 weeks ago. I think of her constantly and cry for her everyday. I have been left with a gaping hole in my life and finding it hard to adjust with everyday living without her. I, like Colleta, have nothing to get up in the mornings for and feel tired all the time. I still haven't managed to go to the funeral directors to pick up her ashes. I have a brilliant GP though ( the same one who supported mum, me and dad when mum was receiving palliative care) and I will be having my first counselling session on Friday. I'm just hoping that speaking about Mum's dementia to a stranger will help me come to terms with why I am feel so guilty. x
 

Contrary Mary

Registered User
Jun 11, 2010
1,895
0
69
Greater London
Hello Hazel

I can reassure you that you are not crazy.

Having just lost Mum only a few days after her sister, I think perhaps I am still rather numb. But I can relate a bit regards the house. Aunt lived literally around the corner from us and I can see her house from my window. And I do find that difficult, because at some point in the future another family will live in the home where Mum and Aunt grew up.:(
 

Suzy67

Registered User
Oct 31, 2011
10
0
East yorkshire
Hazel you are not crazy far from it, I lost my mum 5 days ago and every minute is filled with thoughts of her, even when I'm trying to sleep she is there in my mind. And in some respects I'm glad she is there as I know she will never be forgotten.
Take care
Sue x
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
I am wondering how you are Hazel? A couple more weeks have passed since you posted.

Thinking of you and sending a (HUG)
 

hazytron

Registered User
Apr 4, 2008
1,166
0
SOUTH LAKES
Have had a week away, skiing in Austria, an activity that does not allow me to dwell on anything other than self preservation!

However, Mum was still in my thoughts, I always look for things to bring home for her and I would see things that I thought she would have liked.

I cancelled Mums phone before I left and today I deleted her number from mine. Not nice.

I was chatting to one of Mums neighbours today who was saying how she didn't see much of Mum and had thought Mum was not one for going in and out of others houses.
I felt so sad, Mum was so very lonely and would have loved to have had her pop in.

Not for a minute do I forget the trauma of our Dementia journey and the verbal batterings I took from Mum but I will treasure the memories of her guidance and love, so freely given when I needed it most.

l look across to her house and still can hardly believe that she is not there.

Whilst away, a message was left for me from the vicar who conducted Mums funeral, offering to have a chat if I felt in need. I think I will accept her offer, I am not in any way religious but she is a super lady and very easy to talk to. I have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

I know my grief is to be expected and in time my feelings of loss will ease but for now I am a little lost soul missing my pre Dementia Mum.

Hazel.
 

jan.s

Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
7,353
0
72
Dear Hazel,

How hard this time is - I do understand. I lost my mum some 20 years ago, but I still hold so many happy memories; I will never forget her, but slowly, I have got used to being without her.

It is so good to read that you are thinking about the pre-dementia days, remembering the lovely things about your life with Mum. The special days, the laughter you shared etc. I am sure she was very proud of you, and felt safe with you looking after her.

Nobody can lessen the pain, but with time, it will get easier. I still think "I must phone mum", or "My mum would like that!" but it doesn't hurt anymore.

Thinking of you.
Loveand hugs
Jan xx
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Hi Hazel,

I imagined you being away - I hoped you were away:) I knew you missed that last little break away and this seemed more timely:)

It touched me deeply reading your post cos you have a way of getting your feelings across so well. It felt like it was perfect timing when the vicar rang and I hope that you will gain much from spending some time together.

I hope the week is kind to you.

Love
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,443
0
Kent
Hello Hazel

It`s so good to hear from you, to know you have had a holiday even though you knew it wouldn`t be a `cure all`.

It`s sad to hear how much you are missing your mum and reflecting on the lonely life she made for herself.

The vicar`s invitation is well timed and very considerate. I do hope she is able to give you some comfort.
.
 

frankie10

Registered User
Dec 12, 2011
13
0
still chatting

It`s so good to hear from you, to know you have had a holiday even though you knew it wouldn`t be a `cure all`.

It`s sad to hear how much you are missing your mum and reflecting on the lonely life she made for herself.

The vicar`s invitation is well timed and very considerate. I do hope she is able to give you some comfort.
.

Dear Hazel,
You are absolutely not crazy. It is 4 months since my dad who had dementia died and 4 years since my mum his carer died. I was just upstairs chatting to mum and I think about them both and miss them so often. It does get easier though and I keep in my mind that they gave me life to live and be happy with - that is what they always wanted and I am sure it still is. How lucky we are to have had such lovely parents, even though my dad could be very difficult even before the dreaded dementia- to say the least, I always knew he loved me.
Skiing sounded good - I am sure they are watching over you being happy and wouldn't want you to be too sad.
Be kind to your self

xxx
 

Heather777

Registered User
Jul 24, 2008
267
0
Bristol
Hazel, perhaps we are all a bit crazy!! My mum died nearly three years ago and I still haven't been able to look into the bag of clothes that I bought back from the funeral home. I always think I must tell mum this or that before I remember I can't. Now planning my dads funeral I constantly ask her what I should do is this right or that!!

Caring for dementia is a very tough journey-it demands every fibre of your being, physically and emotionally. You see your loved ones changing and dying to who they are on a constant basis. You think that the end is a relief but the grief is not the same feeling as you have experienced through this journey. Due to the change in person you can't really ever say goodbye-there is no one moment when you can really let go because you are battling the next stage of this disease. I am not sure when I will ever get used to losing my mum but I know that you have to be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for those conversations that you wish you could have or forgot you couldn't.

Heather