Mum coming to live with us, Social Services asking questions?

[bigmama]

Mum is coming to live with us from next Tuesday. We have discussed it with her and she agrees she is not coping, forgetting to eat etc etc. I have told SS as the carers calls need to be stopped. Her SW came to see her today to make sure its what she wants. Mum was in quite a bad state, health wise, sweating and really tired. She does not have an infection, its been how she is for some time now and isnt helped by her terrible diet. At least if she is here I can be sure she is eating better and more regularly.
Thing is that when she comes we have told her the house will have to be sold as she is incapable of looking after it any more. If we cannot cope at any time she will go into a home, this is what she wants and is looking forward to it.
The SW is now wanting to visit again, before she moves in to ask her if she knows what is involved, selling up etc. I feel its a little intrusive but know they have her best interests at heart. Is this normal, for them to be so involved. Can they stop the sale? They want her to stay at home but she hates the carers coming into her 'space' and wants to live with us as she feels safe here. I want the best for her but feel they dont believe me.

 

[towncrier]

towncrier

Social workers do not know better than you do what is in your mother's best interest. Forgive my cynicism but they do not necessarily have her best interests at heart. My experience was that they go through administrative routines, some of them sympathetically, others just box-ticking and not interested in your point of view at all.
The time may come when you will need real help. If you are willing and able to help your mother yourself at this stage, it is your right to do so without intrusion. The best help you could have at this stage is to use the advice and support freely given here by people who care about you. Social care is extremely patchy.

 

[FifiMo]

The SW might have an interest from the point of view of potential deprivation of assets. They will want to make sure that you're not going to run off with the proceeds from the sale of the house and then find that she has to go into care and be fully funded by the state. This could all be dealt with very easily by you stating that any proceeds from the sale of the house will be properly accounted for and held in trust for your mum's personal use going forward or something like that.

If they thought something dodgy was going on then the could make an application to the court of protection to make sure that your mum is protected. How likely is this? I'm not sure as it would cost them money and time in order to apply.

Best thing to do is keep them on side, play their game with them, and give them the answers that they are obviously looking for.

Fiona

 

[ggma]

Sadly because there are people who take advantage of their relatives when they are old and vulnerable, SW have to be certain that the proposal for a change in someone's life is in their best interests.

You will also have rights as a Carer and can ask for a Carers assessment to see if there is any assistance you might need once your Mum is living with you.

I a sure you will be able to explain why you think the decision is in your mums interest and if she is able to say she is happy about the change then the SW should be able to accept this.

All the best, hope it all goes well.

 

[need more sleep]

Mum is coming to live with us [...] her the house will have to be sold [...] The SW is now wanting to visit again, [...] but know they [Adults' Services] have her best interests at heart. Is this normal, for them to be so involved. Can they stop the sale? They want her to stay at home [...]

In my experience, Adults' Services rank the financial interests of their local authority above all else. I suspect they are worried the proceeds from the sale of the house might be dissipated. So if your Mum enters long-term residential care they will be left to pick up the bill.

You might want to get advice from a solicitor experienced in this field about how risky s/he considers your arrangement is with regard to it being treated as a deliberate deprivation of assets.

 

[sussexsue]

I will be honest, I am shocked (I know I shouldnt be). Talk about Nanny State.

You have done the best for your mum, probably got SS involved and care in place on her behalf, and now the time has come that your mum needs more support and you have welcomed her into your home until the time comes that she needs residential care.

I agree with the others that money is the issue here, and not your mum's best interests. Have you considered renting her house out? which would provide her with an extra income towards shared costs in your home.

Good luck

 

[bigmama]

I have considered the rental option but the house is in need of some updating as far as the electrics are concerned and wouldnt pass the criteria we would need for the relevant certificates. If it werent for that it would be a great option. If we had the work done it would not reflect in the value for sale so it isnt worth it.
Mum really wants to come to us but the nature of the disease is that she seems to say what she thinks they want to hear and always says she is fine. I know te SW's are supposed to be trained not to believe everything a person with Dementia says but when Mum says something the SW has a strange puzzled look on her face as if I am lying and Mum is fully compus mentus.
Perhaps I am becoming paranoid??.....

 

[Witzend]

I have considered the rental option but the house is in need of some updating as far as the electrics are concerned and wouldnt pass the criteria we would need for the relevant certificates. If it werent for that it would be a great option. If we had the work done it would not reflect in the value for sale so it isnt worth it.

A bit off topic but re sale of houses in such circs.
In the past few yrs we've sold 2 in this family to pay CH fees. I wasn't directly involved with either of the sales, but one went v quickly, the other took over a year.

Both were nice enough houses, no negatives except that like many such houses they needed a lot of doing up to modernise, new K&Bs, complete redec, etc. Probably at least £30-40K each.

In 1st case, one estate agent of maybe 3 was v honest and gave 2 prices: one at which he could sell it in a week, the other maybe taking at least 2-3 months. Brother who was handling said go for the first and it did sell v quickly.

2nd case, handled by someone else: EA gave what I thought a wildly optimistic valuation - they sometimes do this just to get the business. But the person handling believed them, and turned down all offers that weren't v close to asking price. Which was all of them.

Meanwhile, empty house looking more and more sad and unloved, needing heating over winter, garden looked after, problems with insurance, etc.

Final outcome, after it eventually dawned that price was wildly optimistic, reduced the price and sold after over a year to someone who'd offered quite a bit more 6 months previously. (Good result for him, though!)

Moral, particularly if you need to sell in a hurry, you need an EA who will give a truly honest opinion and suggest a price accordingly, not one who will just say what they think you want to hear.

 

[bigmama]

I also need to invest the money wisely or put it in a trust? so the SS can see I am not using it. Does anyone have any idea on the best way to go about this?