What should we do to help Mother?

[tonic]

Hi I'm new to all of this but I need a bit of advice and thought I may recieve it here.
Here goes.. my mom has been diagnosed with vascular dimentia about 12 months ago and we have seen a steady decline in her health, she lives on her own but we have managed to get a support group around her through family, carers, the medical team and social services.
The problem is my mom has started seeing her husband, although he passed a couple of years ago, she keeps saying that he is coming to collect her to take her away and has been found in her outdoor attire ready to go out, we are very concerned that she will go out of her home and start wandering..
The family realise that we have to face the enevitable and have started looking for a care home but what can we do in the meantime, selfish as it may seem we all work and have families to look after..

 

[SWMBO1950]

Welcome and I am sorry to hear of the circumstance that brought you here.

I have no experience of what you are going through with your mother (all demenitas affect people in different way) but I am sure someone who uses TP will be able to offer advice.

In the meantime best wishes

 

[towncrier]

towncrier

My partner still carried his keys on a keyring alhough he did not use them You could protect your home by putting useles keys on it. Have a tag engraved with a contact phone number asking anyone finding her wandering and/or evidently distressed to use it. Could be your number,GP, a neighbour and/or local police. An engraved bracelet or necklace if she wears one regularly could serve the same purpose.

 

[hollycat]

I would like to think that via a SS assessment, they could recognise her current needs and offer some form of support or advice ?

Telecare seems one possible solution, whereby, at least her movements can be monitored.

 

[cassie&rosie]

Hi tonic
Although my mother has AD we did not have the problem with wandering that you feel you may be about to encounter. My mum is chair/bed bound so no problem in that department!
Any way, it would be worth contacting your Mums CPN or social services with regard to an assessment for Telecare. Door sensors can be installed and a "Just Checking" system can also be installed to monitor movement around the house and outside doors. You could also contact your local Police station to have an "alert" raised against your mothers name & address so they are aware that she is a vulnerable adult. Do you have any neighbours/friends/family who could call in or keep an eye. It may be worth considering having carers calling 2/3 (upto 4) times daily. Once established they could re-enforce to her that some one will call to see her soon and hopefully establish a pattern. It would be reassurance for you aswell knowing that someone is checking on her and would alert you if there were any problems.
I hope this is of some help
P.s. If you are considering a care home please research very thoroughly (whether funded privately or through S/s). My parents had the most awful experience with 3 care homes who promised everything and delivered nothing. I ended up removing my parents from "care" after a long battle

 

[FifiMo]

We had this problem with my mother when she said my father, who had been dead for 10 years, had been resurrected and was living in the house and trying to steal her money from her. What started off as an occasional mention of him ended up with her living out her fantasy world which had in fact become her reality. She started buying copious amounts of food to feed all her visitors, phoned the police when she said he had locked her in the house and gone away with the keys, blamed him for all her clothing going missing, got to the stage that she wouldn't leave the house because he was going in there and moving things when she was out. At Christmas she'd had his suit dry cleaned and it was hanging in the lounge waiting for him to collect it because he'd be on duty at church. That and the two turkeys that she had bought for Christmas day to feed everyone with!

The advice we were given was that to her the situation was real and so there was no point in trying to convince her otherwise. We used diversion tactics to stop her doing things - like saying Oh you don't need to bother buying extra food because he is going away on holiday. You're safe to go out tonight with your friends because he is visiting me. All sorts of excuses to lessen the distress that she was going through. Interestingly though, no one did much about all this until she was in hospital and she was following my father down the corridors to see where he was going...only when it happened on their own patch did the authorities intervene and give her some medication. Since then there has been no mention of him or all the trauma that previously ensued.

I would get a diary and start making notes of these events so that you create a body of evidence as to what is happening over a period of time. This would be helpful to take with you to her GP or her consultant when you can talk about what can be done to help her.

In case she does go wandering, I would speak to the police and give them a photograph of her so that if she does wander one night then they at least will be able to step in and help very quickly. Another thing you could try is one of those charity bangles, say, a hope for hero's one. Tell her it is for all the men who died in the war ...get a permanent marker and write your mobile phone number on it in case she is found wandering.

Hope this helps...

Fiona

 

[tonic]

Many thanks

I don't know what I expected but I am overwhelmed with the response and advice that I have recieved.
I have printed off all of the comments to show my sisters and her care manager.. The engraved tag with contact details, the useless keys and Telecare are fantastic ideas which will be looked into.

We want to keep my mom in her own home because that is where she feels most comfortable but we also need to know that she is safe.
I will give you an update of the steps we have taken.
Once again many thanks to you all, I feel much more at ease...

 

[Pheath]

Hi - my friend's mother had a very similar problem to what you're describing and they found a live-in carer worked very well as an alternative to a care home, Pam

 

[tonic]

as promised I said I would give you an update on the actions we have taken to stop mom wandering and also actions put in place just incase she does, We have put a lock on the oposite side of my mom's garden gate out of her reach so she is able to go into her gardens but not go onto the street.
We've also bought her a Help for Heros' wrist band and have wrote her name and a contact phone number on it just in case..
We have upped her carers from 3 to 4 times a day and we call in to see her inbetween times so she is not on her own for too long.
we try to talk to her about moving into a warden controlled or similar but my mom is adament she is staying in her own home,
Today she has had a restful day, not eaten an awful lot but we try to encourage her to drink plenty...
Once again thank you for your advicehttp://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/images/icons/icon6.png