Stop - think - listen - think
Welcome Foxglove to Talking Point.
I echo all the above posts, infused with experience, reality check and practicality in their warmth.
I was due to get married to my partner this year...
The past tense speaks volumes - you wrote those words yourself...
My instinctive reaction is two points:
ever heard the one of young children desperate for a puppy and the adult relents? In spite of the children's adamant promise to take the puppy for a walk, clean up the dog mess and love the dog for life? and WHO ends up doing all that? The children's (partner's) honeymoon period does not last long... and you'll end up exhausted, resenting the damn dog for all the extra work, walks and vet bills, long beyond "they" just about remember the animal's name. Had you wished for the dog and asked them to support you in caring for a family pet, the terms and conditions would have been very different: you would have been PREPARED, would have CHOSEN to look after the dog, nurture the dog and grow old with your furry friend whom you'd love to see when you came home, tired at the end of a day's work...
You have discreetly slipped in alcoholism... even if in abeyance, it can rear its ugly head. If the menfolk are lazy now, rest assured they will be lazy then... They are not even supporting you now. You are cinderella...
You may love your OH's parents, you seem to care more about them than actually your OH.
GET OUT - NOW.
the pattern is repeating itself: you are a victim of abuse and additionally as an adoptee, you are looking for LOVE and from your warm words no doubt have plenty to give. The problem is that your OH and his son appear to "grab" and not even say please or thank you. You will never be free from the former abuse circle if you go along with the scenario now. I know - I have been there. It takes superpowers to emerge from that abyss. You are clear, concise, realistic and have exposed on TP so eloquently your head awareness. We need to support you in the weakness of the soul you are faced with here.
I believe in the art of compromise. That your partner (and his son) move to mother for a while to help and also evaluate their situation through their hands on experience - without you there. You detach but continue to offer regular support from the outside on a regular but distanced basis.
This illness is so hard and cruel. You are not the lucky draw Lottery Ticket for your OH and his son, you are "supposed" to be companions and united...
Sending you my best wishes for strength and courage,
Martina
Welcome Foxglove to Talking Point.
I echo all the above posts, infused with experience, reality check and practicality in their warmth.
I was due to get married to my partner this year...
The past tense speaks volumes - you wrote those words yourself...
My instinctive reaction is two points:
ever heard the one of young children desperate for a puppy and the adult relents? In spite of the children's adamant promise to take the puppy for a walk, clean up the dog mess and love the dog for life? and WHO ends up doing all that? The children's (partner's) honeymoon period does not last long... and you'll end up exhausted, resenting the damn dog for all the extra work, walks and vet bills, long beyond "they" just about remember the animal's name. Had you wished for the dog and asked them to support you in caring for a family pet, the terms and conditions would have been very different: you would have been PREPARED, would have CHOSEN to look after the dog, nurture the dog and grow old with your furry friend whom you'd love to see when you came home, tired at the end of a day's work...
You have discreetly slipped in alcoholism... even if in abeyance, it can rear its ugly head. If the menfolk are lazy now, rest assured they will be lazy then... They are not even supporting you now. You are cinderella...
You may love your OH's parents, you seem to care more about them than actually your OH.
GET OUT - NOW.
the pattern is repeating itself: you are a victim of abuse and additionally as an adoptee, you are looking for LOVE and from your warm words no doubt have plenty to give. The problem is that your OH and his son appear to "grab" and not even say please or thank you. You will never be free from the former abuse circle if you go along with the scenario now. I know - I have been there. It takes superpowers to emerge from that abyss. You are clear, concise, realistic and have exposed on TP so eloquently your head awareness. We need to support you in the weakness of the soul you are faced with here.
I believe in the art of compromise. That your partner (and his son) move to mother for a while to help and also evaluate their situation through their hands on experience - without you there. You detach but continue to offer regular support from the outside on a regular but distanced basis.
This illness is so hard and cruel. You are not the lucky draw Lottery Ticket for your OH and his son, you are "supposed" to be companions and united...
Sending you my best wishes for strength and courage,
Martina
