Statistics to some... My beloved cousin to me...

[PostTenebrasLux]

... comfort...

Dear Jancis, Nanak, Tre, Nicoise and Friends,

I am very grateful for your kind sharing at the loss of my dearest cousin. Receiving marks of sympathy and condolences is an interesting experience: I have always known it is important to give, but I had not realised how important it is to "receive" marks of respect - especially as my cousin is my second cousin, hence not a "close" member of family such as a parent or sister-in-law. Nonetheless, my second cousin and I have been extremely close emotionally and all the more in my care for her. I for one, but I suspect the human race, appreciates "acknowledgement" of pain, in whatever form. It goes to prove the importance of acknowledgement of friends and however simple, the receiving of support far exceeds the little effort we make in bestowing it. Interesting too that certain cultures have their "criers" to assist the mourners. Thank you for being here for me now - I feel humbled and strengthened by all your support.

Martina

 

[Soobee]

Sorry to hear about your cousin. She was obviously an amazing woman.

 

[Helen33]

Dear Martina,

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear cousin. I am glad though that she was offered 'life' by you and other friends and family.

I wish you peace and continued strength as you travel your personal journey without your cousin. It certainly was another learning curve for me but I like learning and I'm sure you do.

Love and my sincere condolences

 

[PostTenebrasLux]

Thank you Soobee - yes, my cousin was amazing both pre-and during her Posterior Cortical Atrophy dementia. She also taught her immediate family to be be amazing too!

Helen, you are always in the right place at the right time. Thank you for your kind words. I think reading Elisabeth Kubler-Ross helped our perceptions, did it not? We feel strong and confident, all of us though we are "dreading" the emotionally charged funeral on Friday - not so much for us as it is to face the non-comprehenders and The Invisibles... This does not apply to the true friends who have walked our path with us, but I have been to other funerals and seen the "guilt" squirm out of people - not a nice sight to behold. But, hey, Alzheimer's has thrown us cards we have learned to catch.
There IS a new life ahead, a birth due this Summer and a wedding...
So nice to see you on TP

Thank you so much,

Martina

 

[nellbelles]

Martina

I would like to add my condolences on the loss of what sounds like an amazing lady, and to wish you strength for dealing with the funeral and those people whom have no insight into AD..

Love and Hugs Helen x x

 

[PostTenebrasLux]

Thank you Helen.

Yes, funeral... With Alzheimer's we have had years to mourn the changing of our sufferer into someone totally different. Though we too have changed, and without wishing to "change the world" (how could we now if we never managed to stimulate the social services etc?!)" a funeral is an ideal opportunity to "teach". We can put our sorrow aside for a few more hours, show the strength that we have absorbed throughout our care for and turn to a collected congregation and quietly impart a few words of wisdom, without judgement. Diminish the taboo of Alzheimer's and deliver the poignant moments with as much humour as we can muster. "Never a truer word spoken in jest"... Gently though, many people are frightened by the unknown...

Martina

 

[Loopiloo]

Dear Martina

Sad to read of your dear cousin's death, she sounded a remarkable woman. As you are. I have read many of your posts, you write such wisdom.

I hope the funeral goes as you would wish.

Diminish the taboo of Alzheimer's and deliver the poignant moments with as much humour as we can muster. "Never a truer word spoken in jest"... Gently though, many people are frightened by the unknown...

How true, frightened by the unknown.... Oh that the taboo could be banished.

My sympathy and condolences.

Loo xx

 

[Helen33]

Morning Martina,

I know what you mean about the guilt and sorrow of those people that weren't involved in care whether with someone with a dementia or other illness. I remember my sister's utter despair and guilt over our mother and I have to admit feeling true compassion for her because she had become 'poorer'. I didn't feel a need to teach her anything because she was on her own journey and her poverty of spirit (so to speak) taught me something Someone once said to me "Helen you don't even know what the word 'humility' means" but I think that person was wrong.

I think caring and loving the invisibles is as important as caring and loving the person with the illness. The combined love and strength that the caring family and friends have must be a force very powerful. A smile and a gentle stroke from such a force could pierce even the hardest heart.

I have no doubt that the final 'goodbye' to your cousin will be as wonderful as you made her life and I do hope that you will be able to share some of it with us.

Love to you and yours

 

[sistermillicent]

Although I didn't know your cousin, Martina, she isn't, wasn't a statistic as far as I am concerned. She lived for me through your posts and though I probably rarely commented on your threads I sometimes thought of you and of her as I went about day to day things.

My sympathies, I think you have been a marvellous cousin and doubtless there will be thoughts of you and your family in my head over the coming days.

Love Pippa

 

[susiesue]

Sending my condolences to you and your family - I was very sorry to hear of the death of your cousin.

Love