the silly things that upset you

[eastiesgir]

Called in to see mum today on the way home from work, and she had a new calendar up on her wall. on todays date she had wrote Gills coming (that's me)..........only I spell my (or rather my Mum spelt my name!!) with a J not a G.
I know it's just a little thing, but it's just a reminder that she is forgetting personal/family things.
I had to go and stare out of the window because I felt like crying!
I suppose on the upside she did remember my name!

 

[Dazmum]

My mum signed my last birthday card, 'love from June and the family'. She'd forgotten about dad and I'm the only other 'family'. Still, at least she was able to write in the card, and she was able to choose it herself

 

[MaiSarah]

You are not alone, my step daughter gets so upset when her dad (who has dementia) calls her by my daughters name...... No point in correcting him, he apologises when corrected, but a minute or so later he is back to the same.

 

[ellejay]

It used to upset me when I would buy the cards for mums greatgrandchildren and she would refuse to even try to sign them. She would say "Oh you do it,they won't know" I suppose thats the lack of empathy problem.

For the last 2yrs my BIL has bought a card for me & signed it from mum,it's nice of him, but to be honest, I'd as soon not have one at all.
Lin x

 

[piedwarbler]

I can imagine how that felt Jill. My mum asked me who I was yesterday. She was quite accusing as though I was deceiving her on purpose.
Sending you a hug xx

 

[optocarol]

I can understand your upset in all above cases. My step-daughter gets called by her mother's name at times and husband still in "grey area" as far as hospital nurse practitioner is concerned. (GP must have thought he did since he prescribed.) I get upset (as now) when I get accused of coming up with this dementia, as if it's all my idea. Obviously he has no idea how hurtful it is to be thought I want him to have it!

 

[eastiesgir]

it's such a cruel, cruel illness. It robs people of their loved ones while still leaving them here with us. What I find the worst bit is seeing Mum but knowing that her 'essence' isn't there anymore, if that makes any sense?!

 

[Dottie]

Hello eastiesgir,

Yes that makes perfect sense to me, could not have put it better myself. I feel exactly the same with my Mum at the moment & it breaks my heart.

Stay strong, this is such a hard path we are on but there are lots of us treading it,

love & a big ((HUG))

Dottie xx

 

[FifiMo]

Easties,

My mother is not unlike yours with writing cards. I have to accept she can't do this any more. Sooooooo I came up with an alternative to help her. I printed her messages out on to labels and she had a good time sticking them on the cards and I got her to do the XXX's on them. Might not have been as good as before but it passed an afternoon and she had some fun. Not even sure she fully understood about the cards but hey ho her friends appreciated it when i put a note in telling them the card was all her own work.

Fiona

 

[Butter]

I don't think these are silly things. These are things that are at the heart of who we are - our names - cards to acknowledge and celebrate our births - when these things are not there any more the loss is great. It really hurts.

 

[CathT]

I miss not being able to ring mum for a chat. Sometimes I even go as far as picking the phone up before realising mum is now in a care home and most of the time doesnt understand who I am any more. The sadness never leaves me.

 

[The DIL]

Went to visit MIL this evening with my OH. MIL told us her son J*** had been to visit her. My OH is an only child and when he said that's me - she just looked at him as if he was mad. This is the first time that she didn't know who he was. God knows who she thought I was!!