Hygiene issues

[Maggs]

MUM HAS STOPPED SHOWERING,, BUT SHE INSISTS SHE SHOWERS EVERY MORNING, WHICH SHE DOES NOT. SHE WONT ALLOW ME OR HER CARER TO ASSIST HER, SHE THINKS SHE CAN DO IT HERSELF, BUT SHE IS GETTING THAT AWFUL SMELL OF URINE, SHE KEEPS FORGETTING TO PUT HER PADS ON ALSO.. SHE WAS SUCH AN IMMACULATE WOMAN B4 THE ONSET OF ALZHEIMERS, ITS SAD TO SEE HER THIS WAY. WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HER SHOWER AND ALLOW ME TO WASH HER CLOTHES? SHE GETS VERY AGGRESSIVE WITH ME IF I MENTION SHOWERING, PADS AND CLEAN CLOTHES, BUT THINGS CANT CONTINUE LIKE THIS..ITS GETTING SO BAD I DREAD GOING INTO THE HOUSE...WHAT CAN I DO ???

 

[FifiMo]

You could call her GP and ask them to send an incontinence nurse out to help and advise you perhaps? You could call the SW department and get them to come out and do an assessment of her needs with a view to making sure that she is kept clean. You could remove all normal underwear and replace it with pull ups where she can't forget to use a pad etc.

On the one hand most times it is best just to leave her be if she doesn't want to shower etc - this will be the path of least resistence for your mum and would prevent her from getting agitated etc when it is mentioned. On the other hand if the situation has gotten so bad that it is offensive for you to be around such odours etc, then she must also be at risk from infection and in particular UTI's etc. UTI's can then wreak havoc with dementia suffers which they don't always recover 100% from.

Fiona

 

[diablo]

Does she go to a day centre? The one my mum went to noticed that she kept wearing the same clothes all the time and suggested she had a shower there.

She used to wash herself at the kitchen sink as she didn't like going upstairs. Maybe that's a factor ?

She also seemed to forget how to use toilet paper and used some old rags instead, which she rinsed out in the sink and then left to dry - boy did the place stink. Phew, what a pong. Kept telling her and hiding the clothes but it was no good. I got one of those air fresheners which plug into the mains which helped a lot.

I got it all arranged for the showers at the day centre then suddenly SS demanded that she go into a home after a bout of wandering. When I went round to the care home after they'd given her the first bath she'd had for ages she was delighted !

Good luck.

 

[Maggs]

How can i get mum to shower?

THANK YOU FIONA FOR YOUR REPLY. MUM HAS BEEN ASSESSED BY SW, THE PROBLEM IS SHE WONT LET ANYONE SHOWER HER, OR CHECK HER PADS THE SW SAY THERE IS NOTHING MORE THAT CAN BE DONE IF SHE REFUSES ANY PERSONAL CARE. SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? THE SMELL OF URINE ON HER AND HER CLOTHES IS MAKING ME FEEL ILL...THE PADS I PUT DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER, ON THE OCCASIONAL DAY SHE USES THEM, SHE DOES NOT CHANGE THEM ALL DAY, SHE WEES CONSTANTLY, AND I FOUND A PAD UNDER HER BED THE OTHER DAY, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WRINGING WET WITH URINE..

 

[Maggs]

Day centre

Does she go to a day centre? The one my mum went to noticed that she kept wearing the same clothes all the time and suggested she had a shower there.

She used to wash herself at the kitchen sink as she didn't like going upstairs. Maybe that's a factor ?

She also seemed to forget how to use toilet paper and used some old rags instead, which she rinsed out in the sink and then left to dry - boy did the place stink. Phew, what a pong. Kept telling her and hiding the clothes but it was no good. I got one of those air fresheners which plug into the mains which helped a lot.

I got it all arranged for the showers at the day centre then suddenly SS demanded that she go into a home after a bout of wandering. When I went round to the care home after they'd given her the first bath she'd had for ages she was delighted !

Good luck.[/

 

[FifiMo]

Maggs,

I'm sorry but I think the "if she won't accept care that's all we can do" approach is a cop out by SW. This whole argument gives SW Dept licence to ignore people's needs and this to me is a breach of their duty of care obligations in respect of your mother. If the SW won't help then I suggest you contact her GP and get them to intervene or suggest alternative approaches. Just keep at it. Those who shout the loudest are the ones that are heard, especially when there are shortages of money for everyone to get everything that they need.

The approach my mum's carer used was that there was no arguments. She would immediately go upstairs, run a bath, lay out towels and new clothes. She would then come down and declare it was bath day and that she needed to go now as she couldn't hang around as she had other clients to go bathe. My mother would protest but equally she would plod off and do as she was told. You often find that someone external has to do this kind of approach because they are more likely to get a positive outcome as oppose to family members who can be told where to go.

Fiona

 

[Maggs]

Maggs,

I'm sorry but I think the "if she won't accept care that's all we can do" approach is a cop out by SW. This whole argument gives SW Dept licence to ignore people's needs and this to me is a breach of their duty of care obligations in respect of your mother. If the SW won't help then I suggest you contact her GP and get them to intervene or suggest alternative approaches. Just keep at it. Those who shout the loudest are the ones that are heard, especially when there are shortages of money for everyone to get everything that they need.

The approach my mum's carer used was that there was no arguments. She would immediately go upstairs, run a bath, lay out towels and new clothes. She would then come down and declare it was bath day and that she needed to go now as she couldn't hang around as she had other clients to go bathe. My mother would protest but equally she would plod off and do as she was told. You often find that someone external has to do this kind of approach because they are more likely to get a positive outcome as oppose to family members who can be told where to go.

Fiona

Thank you Fiona , you know i have had arguments galore with SW and carers and the agency..i have been refered to as arrogant, rude etc etc, im fed up with meetings with SW and agency, sick to death of nothing changing, no matter how loud i shout !Even mums doctor, he has known her for years, said when he visited her, she seemed happy, not confused, able to have a good conversation etc etc..i cant believe what he was saying!is it me, or is this all an act from mum !!! talk about pulling your hair out!! im really, really, dreading going up to mum in the morning, and smelling that awful urine smell.....

 

[Kathphlox]

I agree with you FifiMo, sometimes outsiders can do what we loved ones can't

 

[diablo]

no matter how loud i shout !

Shouting at social workers will always give poor results. Put your points clearly and coldly, no matter how you feel.

Co-operation is better than confrontation.

 

[Maggs]

Thanx everyone

I agree with you FifiMo, sometimes outsiders can do what we loved ones can't

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT. WHAT DO I DO WHEN THE CARER WRITES IN THE BOOK EVERY DAY 'REFUSES ALL PERSONAL CARE'..THESE CARERS ARE IN MY OPINION, LAZY, THEY HAVE IT VERY EASY WITH MUM, SHE DEMANDS NOTHING, ALL THEY DO IS GIVE HER SOMETHING FOR BREAKFAST, AND OFF THEY GO,LEAVING HER STINKING TO HIGH HEAVEN !! I WAS THERE ONE DAY WHEN MUM SAID SHE HAD SHOWERED, THE CARER WAS QUITE HAPPY WITH THAT ANSWER, EVEN WHEN I SAID SHE HAD NOT. AND THE REPLY? WE CANT FORCE HER IF SHE DOES NOT WANT TO !!!!!
I AM RAPIDLY REACHING THE END OF MY TETHER, I WISH I COULD GO IN A HOME AND LET SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ME FOR A CHANGE !!!!!!NITE NITE EVERYONE,GOING TO TRY AND SLEEP, B4 IT ALL STARTS AGAIN TOMORROW !

 

[Petrina]

Random idea - does she come from the generation of the Saturday night bath? If so, what about not pushing for a wash every day but trying for Saturday and saying it's Saturday night and you've put the hot water on and it mustn't go to waste?

Are you there at night? If so, could you get the clothes washed and dried while she's asleep? Or could you buy more than one set of clothes the same so that she is less likely to notice that you've swapped them?

Also, picking up on the loopaper thing - if anyone's having trouble with that, what about hanging up pieces of newspaper on a string? It may make more sense to them when they regress to childhood. Or if they come from a posher background, Izal paper sheets (you know, the ones like tracing paper).

 

[Jess26]

I do empathise, my mum insists to the carers she has showered when it's obvious she hasn't. She will randomly decide about 1 day in 10-15 that she is going to shower. Yes she smells sometimes too. BO rather than urine.
The carers try their best to get her into the shower but they say the same "If she refuses we can't force her" no of course they can't and I certainly wouldn't want them too.

How would they go about it, by man-handling her ?? I'm sure we would all be furious if anyone tried that with our loved ones.

It's a catch 22 situation

 

[angelface]

This not washing thing is horrid, and I find it really bad when I have to get my aunt in the car.
I have been using the spray freshener that you use for smells in clothes and upholstery (can't name it here I don't think), sprayed round the car before she gets in. Might help if you sprayed on carpets and chairs etc. where she lives.
Plug in air fresheners also help, and keeping the windows open. All these might take the edge off the pong a little.
We also suffer from carers who can't get my aunt to wash!
Gill

 

[Petrina]

There's also spray available for when pets urinate on soft furnishings. It's quite effective, although it depends a bit on the brand.

 

[Maggs]

Hygeine issues

THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND SUPPORT. I FEEL BETTER KNOWING MUMS NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH HYGIENE ISSUES.,I SHALL TRY YOUR ADVICE, EVEN THOUGH MUM SAYS 'IT'S EASIER TO SHOWER, SO I DONT NEED TO WASH' (WHICH SHE DOES NOT DO EITHER ) I DON'T LIVE WITH MUM, BUT IM ONLY 12 HOUSES AWAY,IM GOING TO TRY YOUR SUGGESTION AND SNEAK MUMS CLOTHES OUT IN THE EVENING AND WASH THEM, AND ALSO GET SOME SPRAY FOR HER CHAIR (FEBREEZE)I'M ON MY WAY NOW TO MUMS,MY STOMACH IS CHURNING....I NEVER KNOW WHAT MOOD SHE WILL BE IN !!

 

[SWMBO1950]

I know the feeling...............................

Oh I so understand (see my post today God Hates Me). Fortuntely my mother is far enough down the line to be pliable in clothes changing, bathing etc but I have the problem of soiling. She then puts her underwear (disposable - which she often tries to wash) in the bath! The smell takes your breath away and permiates around her flat until I can deal with it. Her carers (private) are very good though and clear up ready for me to go any get the washing.

The 'professionals' will use the abuse card and say they cannot force anyone to do anything against her will (had this when my mum refused to wash in hospital). However you cannot hold them down and the sense of reasoning is just not there. I honest dont have an answer for that one.

On the wrong page now but I see (I think) you are in Essex (like me) - has she been referred to the Memory Service ? There is a Trust in the North & South of Essex (let me know if you need contact details).

Happy to help & my thoughts are with you - dreading later today too.

THANK YOU FIONA FOR YOUR REPLY. MUM HAS BEEN ASSESSED BY SW, THE PROBLEM IS SHE WONT LET ANYONE SHOWER HER, OR CHECK HER PADS THE SW SAY THERE IS NOTHING MORE THAT CAN BE DONE IF SHE REFUSES ANY PERSONAL CARE. SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? THE SMELL OF URINE ON HER AND HER CLOTHES IS MAKING ME FEEL ILL...THE PADS I PUT DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER, ON THE OCCASIONAL DAY SHE USES THEM, SHE DOES NOT CHANGE THEM ALL DAY, SHE WEES CONSTANTLY, AND I FOUND A PAD UNDER HER BED THE OTHER DAY, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WRINGING WET WITH URINE..

 

[Donnadoobie]

Hi Maggs
I'm having the same problems with my mum at the moment, doesn't wear pads as she doesn't think there is a problem. Heaven help us and the anger if anyone should suggest a change of clothes or a shower, so we don't say anything but I have stopped taking her out to public places as the smell can be quite offensive for others.

I managed to sneak out a pile of clothes yesterday and have washed them all with an antibac pre wash powder and fabric conditioner with febreeze added. I think I may buy an air freshener for house although that doesn't smell as bad as she does.

We are looking at care homes for mum at the moment so this may no longer be an issue in the future.

Good luck

 

[Petrina]

Just coming back on the spray thing.

If you use Febreeze, check that their pet odour one specifically neutralises urine smells rather than just general pet smells. I don't know whether it does. Otherwise, most big supermarkets and pet shops of all sizes sell stuff that's specifically designed to neutralise urine and faeces as well as disinfecting. (I've taken a look online and the Febreeze pet one does contain an antibiotic so that's good.)

 

[Maggs]

febreeze

Thanx Petrina....im off to the shops for some pet febreeze....wonder if i can spray mum with it ?????? lol

 

[Petrina]

That would be good, wouldn't it?