Is this normal??

[LinH]

Hi,
I am looking for some advice really as my MIL who has VD/AD (late stages), is sleeping all day and awake all night and we dont know what to do for FIL who is now desperate for some sleep.
He is off to the doctor in the morning so he is going to talk to him but, I just wondered if it's because we are letting her sleep all day that she is more active at night?
The sleeping all day has been going on for about 3 weeks but, she is getting up later and later (6pm ish) and now the awake most of the night has started. She has lost her ability of speech so she cannot tell us how she feels and this just makes it worse for us as we have to guess if she is in pain etc. I don't think she is in pain because she has a sing song whilst awake at night!!.
I hate seeing them both in this situation.
She also keeps going against what my FIL wants or asks her to do which makes things really difficult. When he says are you getting up she will not but, when we go (twice a week at least), she is happy to get up for us. The same thing happens when going to bed. We cannot go every morning and night because its a 60 mile round trip for us and I think eventually if we were doing that, she would go against us anyway.
I feel so helpless sometimes - as I am sure most of you do x

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello:

Well that is a similar situation that I experienced with my husband a few years ago. He was awake most of the night usually getting up and because of immobility falling several times each night (my back and shoulders still suffer).

He eventually went into a NH 3 yrs ago and it was then recognised how very bad he was and the Consultant then prescribed mild medication. Not sleeping tablets as that would have involved more falls, but he was given quetiapine and something to reduce his anxiety. It was very successful and I only wish they had prescribed whilst he was still at home.

So I do suggest you discuss this with the Mental Health Consultant/Team as I feel sure something should be tried to at least help your FIL. Its important to avoid him reaching breaking point, which I did to the point of requiring emergency respite.

Best wishes

 

[LinH]

Hi Jan
Thank you for your reply. I will suggest this to my FIL
I find it so hard sometimes because they adore each other and I know he should have more help but, he keeps telling us that he can cope. The problem is he is not getting any younger himself at 76 and whilst we admire him for trying to cope we fear that it will come to crisis point before he accepts help.
Its such a sad situation and I am sure you know yourself, you eat, sleep and drink the problems day by day.
When I read some of the threads on TP, I do realise though, that we are much luckier than some and we count our blessings xx
Thank you again
Lin

 

[PatH]

There ia nothing normal about this disease ,then again all these difficult situations are normal and go with the disease, if you understand what I mean. I remember well all the sleepless nights and my husbands unpredictable behaviour . I think it may be difficult for your dad to keep your mum awake during the day especially if she is determinded to do what she wants , and I think he will still end up exhausted. Its good that he is going to see the doctor and maybe he may get some help. AZ does not take away our love for our spouses but it certainly tests it. Patx

 

[Chemmy]

I remember my midwife saying "Sleep when the baby sleeps".

Would that be an option, albeit a temporary one?

 

[LinH]

Thank you for your replies PatH and Chemmy x
Everyone here is so kind sharing their experiences and thoughts.
We are hopeful that the doctor will suggest something tomorrow and things will calm down again. Different episodes seem to come and go after MIL has had visitors so obviously there is some connection there. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, I think it just has to be something out of the ordinary in her mind that kicks things off.
I guess you are right PatH, there is nothing normal about AZ, yet everything is normal.
We did make that suggestion Chemmy and to a degree FIL does sleep in the chair downstairs when it's possible, but, being during the day MIL's sisters ring up to see how she is and they disturb him I think it may be time for us to tell them gently that although its nice they call him perhaps its better they call us so he can get some sleep.
Thank you all again and fingers crossed for tomorrow x
Lin