The deed is done. Mum went into respite just over three weeks ago and was due to come home this weekend. The plan was for her to go back in January and then every 6weeks. However she has settled so well, and based on input from the Care Home, her Alzheimers Day Care Manager, family and of course your good selves, we have decided to make it permanent.
She basically has no recollection that she has ever lived with us (past 3 and a half years), and keeps saying "It is very nice here, but I sometimes think about going back to Chelmsford" (where she lived most of her life). The home is really nice and the people absolutely lovely. They also seem to like her which helps. Because she still has quite good social skills, does not try to escape and has no behavioural issues, she has been able to move into the residential unit. There is a dementia unit as well, but they think she is better off where she is for now. The rooms have their own doors onto a courtyard garden so she can safely go outside whenever she wants.
I have been visiting every other day and am now honestly enjoying being with her - a far cry from a month ago. Several professionals pointed out to me that coming home would confuse her and then going back there again would cause more confusion. It just seems the kindest thing to leave her there as she has settled in so well.
I love my mum dearly, but having her following me around all day, every day, just got too much. I could handle looking after her physical needs, but the constant hovering and questioning got too much. Disrupted nights didnt help either. Some days she still thinks I am her mother, and yesterday she told me she was 40 (she is 87). She really has no idea about anything any more, and the decline over the last few months has been very steep.
It is such a huge step to put someone into Care, but somehow we seemed to just suddenly drift into it. However I still feel like I am caring for her and will continue to be involved in her daily life, but hopefull can start to have a bit of a life for myself as well. The 90 year old inlaws go home today (been here for nearly 3 weeks), so starting tomorrow OH and I can begin to get our lives back.
Thank you all for all your support.
Sue
She basically has no recollection that she has ever lived with us (past 3 and a half years), and keeps saying "It is very nice here, but I sometimes think about going back to Chelmsford" (where she lived most of her life). The home is really nice and the people absolutely lovely. They also seem to like her which helps. Because she still has quite good social skills, does not try to escape and has no behavioural issues, she has been able to move into the residential unit. There is a dementia unit as well, but they think she is better off where she is for now. The rooms have their own doors onto a courtyard garden so she can safely go outside whenever she wants.
I have been visiting every other day and am now honestly enjoying being with her - a far cry from a month ago. Several professionals pointed out to me that coming home would confuse her and then going back there again would cause more confusion. It just seems the kindest thing to leave her there as she has settled in so well.
I love my mum dearly, but having her following me around all day, every day, just got too much. I could handle looking after her physical needs, but the constant hovering and questioning got too much. Disrupted nights didnt help either. Some days she still thinks I am her mother, and yesterday she told me she was 40 (she is 87). She really has no idea about anything any more, and the decline over the last few months has been very steep.
It is such a huge step to put someone into Care, but somehow we seemed to just suddenly drift into it. However I still feel like I am caring for her and will continue to be involved in her daily life, but hopefull can start to have a bit of a life for myself as well. The 90 year old inlaws go home today (been here for nearly 3 weeks), so starting tomorrow OH and I can begin to get our lives back.
Thank you all for all your support.
Sue
