Newly giagnosed husband

[marthasmum]

Hello everyone My husband has just recieved the diagnosis which we all dread I am looking for any help available to try to cope with this overwhelming feeling of helplessness I have It is 5 yrs since the feeling of " something is not quite right here " so it was not a surprise. I am usually able to express myself easily but even this ability has deserted me I feel drained mentally and am finding difficulty in telling people as they feel so helpless and I hate seeing the distress and looks of horror they give me Hugs too of course as we have lots of super friends
Thank you

 

[piedwarbler]

Hi Marthasmum and welcome to TP, I hope you will find friendship and support here, I know I have. My mum was diagnosed a year and a bit ago but I think I'd known for years she had dementia of some sort. It still comes as an enormous shock, though. I hope you come to some level ground soon. Do keep posting and we will help if we can.

Very kind wishes from

 

[Dazmum]

I'm really sorry to hear about your husband marthasmum. I am still quite new here, but have gained a great deal as there is a wealth of knowledge and also immense kindness here, which I'm sure you will benefit from. Take care.

 

[ooster22]

Hi Marthasmum

Since I joined TP I have found warmth, genuine caring and support from all - offload anytime and there's always someone to listen. Just to be able to share your feelings, fears and thoughts with others on a similar 'journey' is so important. Please know you are not alone and although we are all 'virtual' friends on TP we are here in a very real way to support each other.

xxxx

 

[Tess810home]

No matter how many years the prevailing thought is in your mind..it's probably/could be/is dementia...no matter how long you struggle to obtain a diagnosis, when confirmation comes, it just blows you away.

I still remember how I felt when we recieved the diagnosis and it took a long time to adjust and to realise that with the proper diagnosis treatment and care, we can still have some quality of life for as long as possible.

My thoughts are with you today, I know how it feels as many on TP do and we are always here if you need to ask advice or simply offload.

Much love,

 

[grove]

Hello Marthasmum , Welcome too T P tho am sorry too read about your Husband it is good you have found T Point . Hope you find it as Supportive & Friendly as i have done My Father has Mild / Moderate Dementia & we live near each other & i give as much help & support too Mum & Dad as i can .

As you say its a nasty shock even tho you knew " some thing " was not quite right with your Loved One

Keep Posting & am sure you will find lots of good ideas & support on T Point

( When you feel you can look on the A S Fact Sheets ...... Right Hand Side Top of the Page ...... They are very good & you can Print them off ) Hope that helps

Love & Hugs Love Grove x

 

[Christin]

Hello Marthasmum and welcome to Talking Point. I am so sorry to read about your husband and hope that TP will offer you a lot of help and support.

There is an AS factsheet which might give some advice 'After A Diagnosis'

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/document_pdf.php?documentID=122

With very best wishes to you both.x

 

[pinklady72]

Hi Marthasmum,

Like you I am new to the site, and have a husband newly diagnosed. I have already been overwhelmed with how many people have been in touch which makes me feel that I am not alone. It helps to talk to someone outside of friends and family. They tend to make the right noises but it isn't always as helpful. Practical, sympathetic and kindly advice is sometimes all we need in order to cope. I know it has already made a difference to me just to know that there is someone out there who understands.

Keep smiling

 

[eskimojo]

hello marthsmum....just keep posting and like everyone says its good to to share things and the help and advice is brill....i have just been recently diagnosed with early on set dementia following a 3 stroke and 4 tias and have found that even if i have a bad day and post about it i get lots of comfort and support from fellow tpers
keep smileing and a saying my mum used to say is a problem shared is a problem halved xx jo x

 

[marthasmum]

Thank you

hello marthsmum....just keep posting and like everyone says its good to to share things and the help and advice is brill....i have just been recently diagnosed with early on set dementia following a 3 stroke and 4 tias and have found that even if i have a bad day and post about it i get lots of comfort and support from fellow tpers
keep smileing and a saying my mum used to say is a problem shared is a problem halved xx jo x

Thank you very much everyone who answered my post I have been a long time in even looking at the website again, could not face it Our daughter and family, husband and grandchildren came over for a holiday when they left felt even worse than usual as I am now wondering when and if I will see them again as I do not know how long haul travel will affect my husband, has anyone any thoughts on this ?

 

[marthasmum]

Thank you

Hi Marthasmum,

Like you I am new to the site, and have a husband newly diagnosed.

Keep smiling

Thank you isn't a terrible thing to go through, I am really struggling cannot even think about it without crying, telling people is the most difficult as I know people do not know what to say and I do not like to see anyone elses distress I am getting lots of support from the NHS and have a wonderful nurse from a dementia service but we are a very small family who live the other end of the country, 1 daughter lives on the other side of the world Her family came over before Christmas Their leaving was horrendous as I do not know when and if we will be able to visit them Life is very cruel at times Thank you for your post and please keep in touch

 

[tinribs]

long flights for dementia sufferers

Marthasmum - re your question about long haul flights
Before my Dad was officially diagnosed with vascular dementia he and my Mum had travelled to visit me in the Middle East and unfortunately he did have "a funny turn" on the 8 hour flight, and the cabin crew staff gave him oxygen through one of the masks. When he arrived he was very muddled and confused and took a couple of days to seem to behave normally again. Fortunately it did not happen on the return journey but I would certainly take medical advice before contemplating a long flight with your husband

 

[tre]

Hello Marthasmum,
I am sure this forum will help you - there are lots of lovely people with helpful tips,advice and support. From my point of view I notice your husband has the diagnosis. I had my mum with dementia until she died last year and my husband with a rare form of Alzheimers. There is something I want to say but I am anxious it might not come out right. Anyhow- deep breath- With my mum it was awful and a day does not go by when I do not think of her, but with my husband it is even worse. I felt robbed of my mum and even more so of the future my husband and I had planned. My mum was in her eighties but my husband was in his early sixties when this started.Then I see how much worse it is for others and this gives me a kick up the rear. It is awful that my husband has this disease but we are now at moderate to severe stage and he still tells me he loves me and has never accused me of doing anything bad so I am lucky really. Today we were out walking in the sunshine and I was trying to get him to step over a muddy patch on the path. He did not understand and I was a bit sharp with him and he looked so sad. I hated myself. Then we went around the corner and there was a cement lorry totally across the footpath. As my husband's vision is poor ( he is registered blind) I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do- back through the mud or up a narrow slippery bank up the side of the lorry. Then a worker came and offered to take his arm. We went through no problem and I thought how kind people are-except for me. This week I had a message from someone with the same problem as my husband and her husband died in October aged 62 so I know I need to count my blessings.Keep posting you will find a lifeline
Tre

 

[gardengirl]

It is hard when the love of your life is diagnosed with early onset dementia, you honestly do feel lost/perhaps wrong decision. I know I have become over protective and we only go out together, as am afraid my husband will forget which way to return home. Too much information to read causes concerns for the future and what might happen, it might not. Learn to adapt, which in itself is difficult as I sometimes find myself becoming 'an old nag' reminding that things should be done this way and that. Have now given up and bite my lip. The important thing is to try and be outwardly happy, although inwardly upset, as emotions are noticed more than you realise. Always remember that hug and cuddle, they are still the same person you married, and love. My husband doesn't understand what all the fuss is about and thankfully, can become unaware of why I am fussing, which I am grateful for. A group in our area meet once a month to walk and talk - speak to Alzheimers to see if something can be organised in your area for early onset dementia, you suddenly feel you are not alone and have someone to talk to going through the same as you. It helps having someone to talk to. Try reading 'hearing the person with dementia' by bernie McCarthy - gave me an insight on signs to look out for when communication becomes difficult. Don't despair and keep smiling!

 

[marthasmum]

Keep smiling

This is what I am trying to do not always easy but my sense of humour has always been a very important part of who I am hope that some of it stays for a very long time
One upsetting thing that I have admitted today though is that the deterioration in his condition seems to be speeding up. This is very hard to admit
Love to you all