Hi Everyone!!
Why is it when it all hits the fan no one from the family are there to help? I wish for once instead of criticising, patronising, condescending and making a bunch of unhelpful remarks my brother and sister would muck in and help/support me with my folks. It really upsets me that I'm left to do it all and when I turn to either its always brushed of as through my feeling don't matter. Its bad enough that I had to deal with the recent DVLA fiasco and the mood swings and my mums erratic behaviour and my dads alzheimer's progressing.
Its a long one but I'm so annoyed....so this is my release.....Hope it makes sense.
Neither siblings lives near or knows what's going on unless I'm calling them to tell them. If I stop they know nothing. I don't speak to my brother much because he dictates and is a control freak. I raised the point of having a family meeting in October as things were worse. My brother came out with every excuse not to come and then told me I have nothing better to do indirectly saying deal with it (bearing in mind I play cook, cleaner, medic- you guys know what its like...).He called me selfish and mocked me for getting my dad diagnosed with v.alzheimers. Since Oct he has not once got in touch to see how I'm doing. He has texted my sister this week to instigate a family meeting in Dec when it suits him- control game. He wants all 4 of us to fly there (folks, me and my sister). He lives abroad. I'm not going, he doesn't listen to anything I have to say instead wants to put dad in a home and says he will get the upstairs window confused with the front door and jump??!! Seriously, how would he know this if he doesn't attend any appts or ask me how my dad is doing. It would make sense he came here as opposed to 4 people flying there.
My sister gets angry and I don't feel like she is supportive, its radio silence or a bunch of daft ideas. I don't understand why she would be angry when again I'm dealing with two mentally unstable parents, she gets to live her life. Thinking about home is not the same as living at home dealing with it in the thick of it. I've asked both siblings for help but it never happens. If I don't ring, they don't ring....so long as none of this impacts on their lives its simply dandy. They want to take no responsibility for OUR parents.
My mum is still playing games. Folks were invited to my brothers for Xmas earlier. Both were keen and so I investigated the tickets. It costs a lot from the nearest airport but cheaper from Heathrow. I suggested they get the coach to heathrow and fly as its half price. My mum doesn't want to go on the coach...she's acting like a princess. My mum then started making excuses ranging from paranoia- 'if I'm the problem I'll go', to its expensive (fact) so I'd rather go on another holiday next year, to my dad hasn't booked time of work (when he has). Something didn't add up she is always keen to go to her sons. I think he has pulled her up on her behaviour and therefore she doesn't want to go. My brother is the one person who wont put up with my mums behaviour and she kind of listens to him...hence the reluctance. She told my dad she doesn't want to go anymore. My brother rang yesterday and my mum told him my dad cant make up his mind. My dad has no issue with going only the oct as he is the only bread winner. I hate the way he is made to look like its his fault due to my mums manipulative behaviour.
I told my sister, she sent an email to my brother explaining what was going on and it is mum not dad who cant decide and that my mum is blaming dad...and not to have a go at my dad when they speak. My brother has a tendency to rip my dad to shreds. My brother sends a reply saying he doesn't like this 'he said, she said' stuff and that 'Its Christmas and to enjoy it forgetting everyone self obsessed issues'. Self obsessed, really??
He continues saying my sister, like him are not at home, therefore you cannot take sides no matter what. He says I am and I must and always take the middle ground you are a guest not replacing mum or dad. If they ask for help, help. Otherwise do your own thing. If your efforts are 20% for dad then they should also be 20% for mum.
The 'Guest in their house' bit really annoyed me. I feel like walking out and cutting everyone off from the family. I've don't more than my brother and sister and this is thanks I get. My brother isn't interested on what is going on or able to advise on issues or he would be getting in touch. I kept in touch with him over home issue until very recently when he stared saying unfounded things. I'm trying to protect my dad from my mum. I'm not taking sides. I'm currently not talking to my mum after she abused me over the dvla forms and rang the hospital acting like a victim.
I need to vent.....I don't know what to do, I'm tired and this isn't even the beginning......
Any advice?
Thanks
Why is it when it all hits the fan no one from the family are there to help? I wish for once instead of criticising, patronising, condescending and making a bunch of unhelpful remarks my brother and sister would muck in and help/support me with my folks. It really upsets me that I'm left to do it all and when I turn to either its always brushed of as through my feeling don't matter. Its bad enough that I had to deal with the recent DVLA fiasco and the mood swings and my mums erratic behaviour and my dads alzheimer's progressing.
Its a long one but I'm so annoyed....so this is my release.....Hope it makes sense.
Neither siblings lives near or knows what's going on unless I'm calling them to tell them. If I stop they know nothing. I don't speak to my brother much because he dictates and is a control freak. I raised the point of having a family meeting in October as things were worse. My brother came out with every excuse not to come and then told me I have nothing better to do indirectly saying deal with it (bearing in mind I play cook, cleaner, medic- you guys know what its like...).He called me selfish and mocked me for getting my dad diagnosed with v.alzheimers. Since Oct he has not once got in touch to see how I'm doing. He has texted my sister this week to instigate a family meeting in Dec when it suits him- control game. He wants all 4 of us to fly there (folks, me and my sister). He lives abroad. I'm not going, he doesn't listen to anything I have to say instead wants to put dad in a home and says he will get the upstairs window confused with the front door and jump??!! Seriously, how would he know this if he doesn't attend any appts or ask me how my dad is doing. It would make sense he came here as opposed to 4 people flying there.
My sister gets angry and I don't feel like she is supportive, its radio silence or a bunch of daft ideas. I don't understand why she would be angry when again I'm dealing with two mentally unstable parents, she gets to live her life. Thinking about home is not the same as living at home dealing with it in the thick of it. I've asked both siblings for help but it never happens. If I don't ring, they don't ring....so long as none of this impacts on their lives its simply dandy. They want to take no responsibility for OUR parents.
My mum is still playing games. Folks were invited to my brothers for Xmas earlier. Both were keen and so I investigated the tickets. It costs a lot from the nearest airport but cheaper from Heathrow. I suggested they get the coach to heathrow and fly as its half price. My mum doesn't want to go on the coach...she's acting like a princess. My mum then started making excuses ranging from paranoia- 'if I'm the problem I'll go', to its expensive (fact) so I'd rather go on another holiday next year, to my dad hasn't booked time of work (when he has). Something didn't add up she is always keen to go to her sons. I think he has pulled her up on her behaviour and therefore she doesn't want to go. My brother is the one person who wont put up with my mums behaviour and she kind of listens to him...hence the reluctance. She told my dad she doesn't want to go anymore. My brother rang yesterday and my mum told him my dad cant make up his mind. My dad has no issue with going only the oct as he is the only bread winner. I hate the way he is made to look like its his fault due to my mums manipulative behaviour.
I told my sister, she sent an email to my brother explaining what was going on and it is mum not dad who cant decide and that my mum is blaming dad...and not to have a go at my dad when they speak. My brother has a tendency to rip my dad to shreds. My brother sends a reply saying he doesn't like this 'he said, she said' stuff and that 'Its Christmas and to enjoy it forgetting everyone self obsessed issues'. Self obsessed, really??
He continues saying my sister, like him are not at home, therefore you cannot take sides no matter what. He says I am and I must and always take the middle ground you are a guest not replacing mum or dad. If they ask for help, help. Otherwise do your own thing. If your efforts are 20% for dad then they should also be 20% for mum.
The 'Guest in their house' bit really annoyed me. I feel like walking out and cutting everyone off from the family. I've don't more than my brother and sister and this is thanks I get. My brother isn't interested on what is going on or able to advise on issues or he would be getting in touch. I kept in touch with him over home issue until very recently when he stared saying unfounded things. I'm trying to protect my dad from my mum. I'm not taking sides. I'm currently not talking to my mum after she abused me over the dvla forms and rang the hospital acting like a victim.
I need to vent.....I don't know what to do, I'm tired and this isn't even the beginning......
Any advice?
Thanks
