Favourite conversation of the day

reno

Registered User
Feb 28, 2011
103
0
Thank God for the kettle - always a handy excuse to get out of the conversational loop (and hopefully break it for a while)!
 

fiitay

Registered User
Oct 25, 2011
111
0
57
Staffordshire
thank you for making me smile!!

I was having a rubbish day today as Mum and Dad went on holiday yesterday for a month and Mum is driving Dad bonkers already as she can't find her bottom teeth!! I feel so sorry for him because I just know that he's going to have the same conversation for the whole holiday.
I have sent him this link as it brought such a smile to my face that I hope it will to his too.
Thanks to all of you

Fi x
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,837
0
England
Fedding the cat - one of our top 3 conversational loops

Me: witter, witter, witter, [talking about her cat Snowy and what she used to get up to]
MIL: Still she'd had her time hadn't she.
Me: Yes, she had a good life, your cats were so happy living in a cottage with fields to roam in.
MIL: Yes, but still they'd had their time. No use going back now.
MIL: I used to have 2 cats when I moved here. I sometimes think I'd like to get a cat again.
OH: You've got a cat Mum.
MIL: Have !? Where is it then?
OH: Outside the back door I think.
MIL: Oh yes, that's, erm, that's Rusty. I remember now.

No wonder the poor blighter is so thin. Her cleaner saw it this morning and said "Good grief. What's happened to the cat?"

MIL: Oh she's always asking for food but really I can't force her to eat and she has a good appetite and I always give her the best of food, so what can you do?
Me: Feed her when she asks for it? Leave biscuit down for her like the vet said?
MIL: Oh I doooooo!
2 minutes later.
MIL: No, Rusty, it's not your tea time yet. I'll feed you later. She's always begging for food, that cat. Still I can't force her to eat, and she gets the best food, so what can you do?

REPEAT AS MANY TIMES AS YOU CAN STAND IT, then go and throw some biscuit on a saucer for the cat, which will stay on the floor for 5 minutes and then be removed by MIL to the kitchen window sill where the cat can't get at it. :(
REPEAT CONVERSATIONAL LOOP ABOUT CAT'S APPETITE.
 
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Suer

Registered User
Oct 11, 2011
18
0
Manchester
times

Mum: (looking at calendar with times of appointments on) When am I going to dentist?
Me: 11.30
Mum : I couldnt read it- I dont understand these new numbers. Why cant they be the way they used to be?
Me: they've always been like this.
Mum: I've never written them like this
Me : Well, you wouldn't write the words "half past eleven" would you?
Mum: Well I've never done them like this
Me: Look at this (previous month where she had wrtitten 10.30) that's the same.
Mum: right..so my appointment is at 11.00 then?
Me: No 11.30...(and so on)

I know she'll end up going at 11.00!
 

Redwitch

Registered User
Mar 24, 2011
566
0
Horsham, West Sussex
Me(as I step in the door from work): Hi, are you alright?
Mum: Oh hello, no I'm half left (cackle), do you want a cup of coffee, what can I do, can I help? Did you have a busy day?
Me (two steps in the house and still trying to shut the door so the dog and cats don't escape), no Mum it's fine. I just want to go to the toilet.
Mum: Why? (cackle)
Mum (when I have come out of the toilet), do you want a coffee, what can I do, how can I help?
Me (as I am pouring my first glass of wine:eek:): Can I just have five minutes? Yes i've have had a busy day I always do.
Mum: Ok, but can I help?
Mum (two minutes later), do you want a coffee, what can I do, can I help?
Me (starting to plan glass of wine number 2:p): no answer is the safest bet at this stage:eek:

When OH comes home it starts again, only now she asks us both individually.

J
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,837
0
England
Just say YES!!

MIL: Hello, come in, would you like a cup of tea?
Me: Hello, not at the moment thanks, I just need to ....... (whatever I've come to do)
MIL: Oh yes, well would you like a cup of tea or coffee?
Me: No thanks, I've just had one. Do make one for yourself though.
2 minutes later, from the kitchen
MIL: Did you say tea or coffee?
Me: Nothing for me thanks.
MIL: OK. Sorry, I've forgotten, did you say tea or coffee?
Give in, give in, she WANTS to make you a cup of tea
Me: I'd love a cup of tea.
MIL: Did you say sugar?
Me: No sugar thank you, just milk.
MIL: No I never have sugar in tea, just a little bit in my coffee.
Wait for it, wait for it..........
MIL: I've made tea, did you say you wanted coffee?
Me: No tea would be lovely thank you.
MIL: I've just made a cup for myself, you can have this one and I'll make myself another one.
MIL: I haven't put any sugar in it though, I never have sugar in tea, just a little bit in coffee.
And again, wait for it .......
MIL: Oh, I've made tea. Shall I make you a cup of coffee instead?
Me: No thanks, tea is fine for me.
I walk through to kitchen and pick up cup of tea
MIL: There's no sugar in that. You did say you wanted tea not coffee didn't you?
Me: Yes, thank you this will be lovely.
MIL: So how's your day been?
Me: Fine thanks but I'm feeling a bit tired now, let's sit down and have our tea. I'll take yours through shall I?
I walk back from kitchen with two cups of tea
MIL: I had a cup of tea around here somewhere. I expect it's cold now. Let me make you a fresh one.
Me: This one's fine thanks. Takes a slurp
MIL: Are you sure, because I can make you a fresh one?
Me: I like to let it cool down a bit.
MIL: Oh I like my drinks really hot.
Pause, slurp....
MIL: This tea's gone a bit cold now but I like to let it cool down a bit.
Me: Me too. Lovely cup of tea Mum. Thank you.

Bless her darling hospitable soul. :D The first thing MY mum used to say when I visited her was "put the kettle on and make ME a cup of tea". :mad: I was brought up to wait on my elders and betters so I constantly find it uncomfortable to have MIL waiting on me. I would never accept her offers to make me a drink in my own house - I always made an excuse. And she was brought up with mums being mums, looking after everyone else, so she finds it really hard to let me do things for her. I think she accepts my help with better grace than I did hers. :eek:
 

angeleyes34

Registered User
Oct 11, 2010
34
0
Yorkshire
Very deaf Dad: What's the name of that nice lady who lives next door to you?
Me: Sue
Dad: June?
Me: No, Sue
Dad: Joan?
Me: Sue, Susan
Dad: Judith?
Me: Yes, that's right Dad

Pause

Dad: What's her husband called?
Me: Mike
Dad: Mary?
Me: No, Mike, Michael
Dad: Basil?
Me: Yes Dad. Basil
Dad: That's right Judith and Basil.

Pause

Dad: Oh, next time you see your neighbours Sue and Mike please say hello from me!!:D

Linda



This made me laugh out loud, so like my grandma :) x
 

MReader

Registered User
Apr 30, 2011
191
0
essex
Hi
This is all so familiar & I thought it just went on in our house - nice to know its happening elsewhere as well
My husband doesnt miss his driving licence any more - just his wallet - which he is constantly looking for as well as an unidentified 'thing' which he can never find.
I labelled all the cupboards with what is in them but he still looks in the wrong places!! Although I have to say he can always find the biscuits & cakes !!!
Miriam:)
 

britcare4

Registered User
Jul 5, 2011
61
0
Had this conversation on the phone with our neighbour yesterday:

Me: I'm going to visit Sally today, in Landsberg
Neighbour: Oh then you will be passing close to W......... (our village) so you can call in and visit me.
Me: I live in the same road as you.
Neighbour: Really (pause) what's the weather like?
Me: sunny.
Neighbour: It is here as well
 

ellejay

Registered User
Jan 28, 2011
4,019
0
Essex
Britcare, That did make me laugh :D


A short while ago, visiting mum in her CH.

Mum "That blokes been, he's borrowed my coal shovel and hasn't brought it back!"

ME " Well don't worry, you haven't got a fire so you won't need it"

Mum, looking round " Well I'll be b*******, he's took that as well!"

Lin X
 

carpe diem

Registered User
Nov 16, 2011
433
0
Bristol
Thank you all for those posts. I got tears in my eyes.
My contribution is not really funny but goes along the lines of agreeing to try and achieve contentment.
Mum; "Do I really need another tablet box"
Me; "Well if ya don't like it chuck it in the bin. I don't like to take my tablet either, we'll both hide from the doctor"
End of discussion, Mum is happy and doesn't mention it again. Conversation is forgotten and the automatic tablet dispenser which cost £100 works a treat now. x
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,992
0
UK
This conversation was with my son, not Mum.

Me I have made some peanut butter cookies, would you like one?
Son. Ok ta. (grabs 3) blech. They taste of peanut.
Me Peanut butter cookies general do taste of peanut.:rolleyes:
 

Tess810home

Registered User
Jan 11, 2011
157
0
London
Mum: "You look tired"

Me: "No, I'm fine...are you tired?"

Mum: "No, I'm just tired"

Me: "Do you want to go to bed?"

Mum: "Yes, I think so...are we sleeping here?"

Me: "Yep, your bedrooms right here...."

As I go to help her up out of her chair...

Mum: "I'm not going to bed yet am I?"

Me: "Don't you want to?"

"Mum: No, I'm not tired...."

Heehee :)
 

PurpleJay

Registered User
Nov 2, 2011
169
0
Derbyshire
Made me smile. We have something similar to this one a lot!

Mum: "You look tired"

Me: "No, I'm fine...are you tired?"

Mum: "No, I'm just tired"

Me: "Do you want to go to bed?"

Mum: "Yes, I think so...are we sleeping here?"

Me: "Yep, your bedrooms right here...."

As I go to help her up out of her chair...

Mum: "I'm not going to bed yet am I?"

Me: "Don't you want to?"

"Mum: No, I'm not tired...."

Heehee :)

Really enjoyed reading all these. Makes you realise it isn't just you! Thanks for sharing. I will have a think and see what I can contribute. I am always quoting conversations to my husband but my mind has gone blank just now.

Jane x
 
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ooster22

Registered User
Aug 11, 2011
182
0
Cornwall
Taking mum out on our usual Saturday outing from the CH – went first to Asda (so she could have a look at the clothes which she likes to do).

Mum: I want to get some sweets
Me: Ok – do you want pastilles? (usually her favourite)
Mum: No, I want those round yellow sweets
Me: Um, ok ….

Then go up and down the confectionery aisle with me picking up bags and tubes of sweets

Me: Are these the ones you mean?
Mum: No, they’re round and yellow
Me: Then are these the ones you mean?
Mum: No, I’ve told you what I want, the round, yellow sweets

Ten minutes of picking up sweets, showing them to mum and her saying no those aren’t the ones – I give up and put a bag of pastilles in basket

We then have a general ‘wheel’ up and down the aisles.

Get to the crisp aisle ……

Mum:
There they are– cheese and onion crisps – told you that’s what I wanted
 

Tess810home

Registered User
Jan 11, 2011
157
0
London
Taking mum out on our usual Saturday outing from the CH – went first to Asda (so she could have a look at the clothes which she likes to do).

Mum: I want to get some sweets
Me: Ok – do you want pastilles? (usually her favourite)
Mum: No, I want those round yellow sweets
Me: Um, ok ….

Then go up and down the confectionery aisle with me picking up bags and tubes of sweets

Me: Are these the ones you mean?
Mum: No, they’re round and yellow
Me: Then are these the ones you mean?
Mum: No, I’ve told you what I want, the round, yellow sweets

Ten minutes of picking up sweets, showing them to mum and her saying no those aren’t the ones – I give up and put a bag of pastilles in basket

We then have a general ‘wheel’ up and down the aisles.

Get to the crisp aisle ……

Mum:
There they are– cheese and onion crisps – told you that’s what I wanted

Funny, funny, funny...you are all brightening my day..It's strange that while these situations are occuring there is very little to find amusing about them...it's only when we relate them to others does the humour surface :)
 
Today's gem:-

"Those trousers you ironed for me don't fit at all now."

I look at how they are crumpled around his ankles and wonder if he's got them mixed up - ironing trousers can't add inches to the bottom.

He holds the waistband of his trousers and pulls on it, showing how much slack there is.

"See, they're far too loose, they're falling down."

The penny drops.

"Dad, you're not wearing your braces."

He looks down.

"Oh, I'm not, am I?"

(He always wears braces and always has. His trousers are all made-to-measure and designed to be worn with braces, not with a belt or without either.)

He totters off into the kitchen for lunch, leaving me wondering whether his trousers will fall down in front of his home help.
 

TaraT

Registered User
Aug 31, 2011
100
0
Manchester
X-Factor

I was watching X-Factor with my mum on Saturday night when on came Dermot O'Leary:

Mum: Oh he's nice, who is he? (She says this every week)

Me: Oh that's Dermot something or other (I have no idea how I couldn't remember his surname, I say it every week)

Mum: It's O'Leary, Dermot O'Leary

Me: My God, how on earth did you remember that?
(My mind is now a in a whirl: - I must contact her doctor and tell her that a miracle has occured, she must have been mis-diagnosed, is the amount of Fake Baileys she drinks having a positive effect on her.....etc...)

Mum (age 75): Well I used to know him years ago, we grew up together in Ireland!!
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,837
0
England
My FIL left 'home' as he always called it in 1930, aged 6 months. On his last visit to the Emerald Isle in 1963 he and his family toured constantly round the homes of cousins and old friends; apparently they had breakfast, lunch and tea in a different house each day and never paid for a single meal in a fortnight. I imagine that leprechauns came to refill the petrol tank at night, and sumptuous feasts of heavily fried potato-based meals were served to 32 people in a cosy 12ft by 6ft cottage.

I will add to this image the picture of Dermot O'Leary, the mystical Irishman who never ages, doing a bit of Irish dancing at the Saturday hop, while your mum waves to him "Yoohoo, Dermot, fancy seeing you here tonight!" Never seen X-Factor, so it's probably not quite like that - more noisy and sparkly I presume, with big overhead screens and less beer and cigarette smoke? :D