Mum very poorly..........I wish she would let go

Bristolbelle

Registered User
Aug 18, 2006
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Bristol
Went to see Mum this morning she has just finished a course of anti-biotics for a chest infection but they have made no difference at all, so the cares staff called the GP and invited me to be there to discuss the best course of action.
The GP has confirmed that Mum still has a severe infection with particularly severe fluid/congestion in the lower right lung. Recently she has shrivvelled before my eyes the skin on her arms looks like empty sleeves she is so thin. There are stronger meds they can use but part of the problem is administration and long term qulity of life. With the last lot of anti-biotics they were tryng to spoon them into her and most was dribbling down her chin, besides which they taste foul and you could see she was disturbed by this. Basically the upshot is that she is still "eating for pleasure" albeit I do feel one or two carers seem to be pushing food a bit too much. I asked about symptomatic relief if this infection takes hold and the GP said they can use a syringe driver to administered drugs that would calm her and make her less distressed about breathing difficulties as well as decreasing the level of secretions. The GP is amazed she had lasted so long. It's heartbreaking to see the way the contractures have taken over her body too.
I feel so wretched, so usless, I know although she never practised publically she had a private faith, but I am so angry with a so called merciful God who is letting her suffer so much.
I need to look for work but I am losing so much sleep at the moment that's totally impractical, besides what employer would allow me time off I in the first few weeks if things do take a plunge. Besdies which I doubt I would be able to function properly anyway.
 
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Nannybus

Registered User
Dec 21, 2010
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I was in exactly the same position with my mother a couple of weeks ago.

The doctor had tried every antibiotic going and said he could do no more. Mum was having oramorph by mouth, but it got to the point that she could not swallow. The doctor suggested that the District Nurses set up the driver, which I agreed with, but they left her for a full week before this was carried out. It was so distressing. I sat with her every day and they set up the driver, at last, at 10.30 p.m. on the Thursday evening and mother died at 6.30 a.m. on the Friday morning, when I was not there.

I hope you have chance to plan when the driver is to be set up, so that you can be there with her and I hope she is not left too long.

My thoughts are with you at this dreadful time.
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
Thinking of you BB. Like others I have been there recently and can understand how you must be feeling. x
 

sallyc

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Aug 20, 2008
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suffolk
I'm so sorry BB.

I wish there was something I could say.

Sending strength for you, and peace for your Mum.
 

susiesue

Registered User
Mar 15, 2007
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Herts
So sorry BB - I was in exactly the same position with David nearly a year ago now, with exactly the same problem.
My thoughts are with you.

Love
 

florence43

Registered User
Jul 1, 2009
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London
Dear BB

I know how horrible this is, and you know I have only recently been through the same harrowing experience. I can really empathise and sympathise. I'm sending much love and strength for the near future. It takes some doing, but you'll get through this.

We had the same conversation about antibiotics with mum's GP about 10 days before she died. I got the impression the GP felt it was pointless, but we wanted to say we'd tried at least one course. As in your mum's case, it made little or no difference, and the option of IV antibiotics would only have been available at the hospital...which mum could never have managed. So it was sort of taken out of our hands, which sits better with me, now she's gone.

My mum also had all the things you describe in terms of the contractures, thinning skin, weight loss etc. My mum also ate fairly well (and I, too, felt some meals were somewhat against her will), and she only stopped eating anything at all a week before she died.

I really feel your anguish, BB, and I hope what I describe isn't too upsetting. I used to ask for mum to be released as I left her bedside everyday, after having thanked her and told her I loved her. Finally, she did go, and I know I said everything I needed to.

Although this time is so painful for you, and it stretches your emotions to a limit you didn't think possible, it is a time for you to say what you need to say, if you haven't already, and I'm sure you have.

There are no words I can say to make it any easier...but you have my support, respect and love, in the hope it might keep you going, xxx

Lots of love,
 

nicoise

Registered User
Jun 29, 2010
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Dear BB,

This was my mum's story only a few months ago.

Further treatment was pointless and only laid her open to the horrors of C Diff and so on... Once the syringe driver was set up she was only with us for another 12 hours - she was in a very poorly state, and it was finally mercifully quick at the end.

This is a very difficult time for you all, and I hope that your Mum can be made peaceful and comfortable.

Best wishes to you - you sound beyond exhaustion with worry and stresses. xxx
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
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South Ribble
Dear BB

Just thinking of you and wishing you strength for the time to come, when you need it most I hope you will find it. Take care

With love and peace
 

grove

Registered User
Aug 24, 2010
7,714
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North Yorkshire
Dear B B , Am so sorry & just sending much Love , Peace & Comfort to you & your Mum in the Days & Weeks to come .

Take Care & hope you find Peace & Strength when you need it


Love & BIG HUGS Love Grove x x x
 

Bristolbelle

Registered User
Aug 18, 2006
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Bristol
Thank you for all your support......

As I write the printer is taping out the words of some of Mum's favourite hymns, and a certain passage in the Bible that was pointed out to me by my Dad in a vision when he came back to me, (Corinthians 1:13), the "Footprints" poem, and Disiderata - lovley peices to give comfort at a difficult time.
 

florence43

Registered User
Jul 1, 2009
1,484
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London
Sending much love...

Stay strong BB, it sounds like you are looking for ways to keep you going. I hope you find the strength, and we're here to help and support in whichever way you need, xxxxx