Help and Advice

[tas666]

Hi all

I wonder if anyone can help....within the family we have 80 year old Gran of my nephew who forgets where she is, cannot hold conversations ----so much so that granpa does the talking for her...she is placing items in unusual places....such as cooking then putting the pots/pans and food in the bin and not remembering she has done it.....her mood swings are horrific....once a placid lady is now like a whirlpool and the venom out of her mouth is so out of character.......this is not an overnight occurence this has been going on for about 5 years and no one wants to tackle it head on in fear of upsetting their Gran.....

They did manage to get Granpa to take Gran to doctors in connection with something else ....They pre warned the doctor of our concerns re Grans memory etc....at end of consultaion Doctor tackled the issue.....Gran brushed over it as not being very well and left the surgery.....Granpa followed her out and that has been that.

It is now reaching crisis point and Granpa is near breaking...Nephew found him sitting in his car crying because Grandma had been so verbally abusive that he could not take anymore.....they are becoming socially isolated because Grandpa takes Grandma shopping at night in the 24 hr stores.....this is a change of habit and I fear it is in the hope that they do not meet people they know who would quite clearly spot that there is an issue with communication with Grandma....such as asking the same question repeatedly.....I have spoken with the family and offered to talk to Grandma about concerns and see if I can get her to agree to help......is this the best direction.....she admits to absolutely no insight hence why the family have burried their heads in sand...
I hope this all makes sense and any advice or help would be of great help to me and my loved ones

 

[reno]

Hi there

sorry no-one has responded to this yet.

I think it is hard to get care, etc, sorted out without an actual diagnosis. I wonder how long ago it was that your granpa took your gran to the gp. If it was quite a while ago (and she has forgotten it), is there any chance that she could go again?? Tell her that she is due a general check up, that they are recommending it for everyone over a certain age and that she might qualify for extra money if she goes (anything remotely feasible - and not an outright lie either!) Get your granpa to write down a list of behaviours that she has shown, with dates and times. We all know what it's like to take our relatives to the GP or some assessment and have them behave perfectly reasonably

A diagnosis opens the door to social services assessments, carer's assessments, whatever (although I don't think it is absolutely to have a diagnosis for those)

Ring your local branch of Alz Support, or the Adult Social Care team at your local council and see if they can help

 

[angelface]

The way I got my aunt diagnosed was to ring up the doctor and discuss the situation.

It really helps of the next of kin can do it, as they tend not to listen to anyone else. if grandpa is not up to it, are there any children who can phone, or even your nephew?

As other threads say, it really helps if you can make notes of what has been happening. If the doctor will not discuss, you could try writing.

Hope something can be sorted out, these situations are so hard to deal with.

Best wishes, G.

 

[carpe diem]

It took years before my Mums GP refered her to a memory clinic. We rang/wrote to her GP lots of times but Mum always insisted she was fine. Try asking her GP for a referal to the memory clinic in writing and keep on. Make sure her GP understands that she is in denial and good at hiding the truth. Try and get them on yourside to be persuasive before any appointment and make sure she attends the appointment with someone who can also be persuasive. Talk to your own GP if necessary too.
Mums GP has been great since diagnosis but before it was a real struggle.
Also now is the time to discuss with the family if power of attorney is necessary. Talk to alzhiemers society about this.
Good luck

 

[HelenMG]

Hi there,
This is a very difficult stage. But I know that I felt a burden had been lifted once we got a diagnosis for Dad - our GP aranged for an elder care nurse to visit Dad in his home under some pretext (free health check for older people I think - to make sure everything was ok). Her preliminary assessement was that Dad had dementia and needed to be seen immediately by the Elder Care team at our local hospital and dads dementia care plan then started. It was still very difficult to deal with but at least you finally understand that its not your loved ones fault and that there are people who can help and medications that can help and information and respite available for carers to help you cope. I found information about how to communicate effectively with dementia sufferers very helpful for improving how I related to my dear old dad. Getting a diagnosis and care plan will help Granpa to understand and start to accept. And Granpa needs help and support too.
Get the GP to get the ball the rolling again and Granpa needs to get the GP to help him too. Good luck and lots of courage and strength and love too.
Helen