Update on Mum

[piedwarbler]

Hi

Sorry I have not been on in a while, as some of us will remember I have not been happy with Mum's home for a while, well, since last Christmas really. A few months ago we got a new manager, and things improved a little, then fell back again. The short story is I started looking again for another home as I felt a little better in myself and found a home that came recommended near me. I am looking to move Mum this week or next though I am getting a private ambulance to move her as she is too poorly to move by taxi or car. I sincerely hope I am doing the right thing, I have done lots of research and really looked into it this time. I've been back there lots of times and really had a good look round.

My sister is not very keen on moving Mum and basically said she hopes it's not a frying pan and fire job, but it's up to me. I would feel happier if she would come and have a look round with me, but I don't think she finds the travelling easy.

Mum had a shower yesterday which I helped with, she vomited three times. I was very upset and had to come out of her room to have a good bawl. She was prescribed meds to help with nausea for personal care but they had not been given.

I do like all the carers - as I have said before, there just aren't enough of them - but surely, there's got to be a good enough home out there. What woudl I like? Mum to be fed and watered, washed each day and talked to affectionately.

Is that too much to ask?

So now I am terrified that the move is the wrong thing, my sister will blame me, Mum will be ill on the journey, she will have a down turn, lots of people have said I am doing the right thing, but this is so hard. Any reassurance would be very gratefully received. xxxx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Pied

Do what your gut instinct tells you.

If you haven`t been happy with the home since Christmas, its a long time. I would have expected the home to give extra special care to your mum, knowing you were going through chemo. They could at least have spared you worry about her.

A personal recommendation is worth a million CQC stars. You know our story.

If your sister cannot inspect the home she mustn`t blame.
I wish you luck and hope all goes well.

 

[Sue J]

Hi Pied

If you don't try you will never know. As Sylvia's said if it's your gut instinct follow it. As your sister hasn't been able to do the research a and see the home like you her nervousness about it is understandable, but you have done the research and you want her to make the move - I hope it goes well and that your Mum will be happier and both you and your sister will feel relieved at having made the move.

All the best
Sue
xx

 

[turbo]

Hello Pied, I know you have been unhappy with your mum's care home for a good while now and you have made lots of effort to try to improve things. So I think you are definitely doing the right thing by moving your mum. The private ambulance sounds like a very good idea.

Turbo

 

[Jo1958]

Pied, hi
I am so glad to hear that you are feeling stronger in yourself and have been doing all this positive work for your mum, you have been working so hard with this home to get things right and have been let down too often.

As Sylvia says, trust your instincts, they are good and you are being realistic about this move, you are doing your very best and have already started to have a good relationship with the new home, well done you!!!

Your sister, well time will tell but you have to move at a pace that really helps your mum and you cannot wait for your sister to come around - but I do hope that she will once your mum is well settled.

Positive vibes for the move, with kind regards from Jo

 

[flowerpot]

Hi Pied, Lovely to see you back. I agree with the above and go with your gut instinct. You haven't been happy about the home she's in so the move sounds very positive. If your sister won't or can't have a look at the new home herself then she can't very well blame you for anything. You seem to have done a lot of homework on this and it all sounds good.

Good luck with everything and take care of yourself too xxxx

 

[Jancis]

Dear Pied,
Of course you're doing the right thing.
Well done for making the decision and finding the strength to get everything organised. If your sister had been able to visit with you then she would understand.
Good luck with this. You cannot do anything more than try.
Love Jancis xxx

 

[piedwarbler]

How lovely you are, thanks everyone for the kind words. I am dreading the move but it all seems to be in place. I saw Mum's GP this morning and she prescribed some diazepam for the journey to take the edge off Mum's anxiety.

Dear Kassy, yes I have had to dig very deep to find the strength. I know you know how I feel. It would be easier to leave Mum where she is, but I have to keep trying somehow. I know you tried everything to help your mum too.

Mum has definitely had a down turn. She can't hold a mug now unless you literally wrap her fingers round it, her digestive system is slowly packing in (I won't go into details but I am sure that's self explanatory!), she is less and less in the here and now, but still smiling, still enjoying life. She did say this morning "I would just like to wash my hands", which I thought was just pitiful.

I could weep but oola, as Jo would say, it is what it is and I am trying my hardest to practise mindfulness and keep it all in perspective.

Thanks for your understanding. Positive vibes for Friday please and I will let you know how it goes. xx

 

[Skye]

Pied, I have so much admiration for you.

You are understandably unhappy with the care your mum is getting, so you're right to move her. I'm sure you've done your homework, and the staff at the new home know how important this is to you. Lots and lots of positive vibes for the move.

Love,

 

[piedwarbler]

Thanks Hazel, your positive vibes are stowed in the boot of my car!

x

 

[grove]

Hello Pied , You have coped very well with having to deal with your own Health problems & also caring for your Mum as well & if you feel its right to move your Mum then "Go " with how you feel Pied ....... That's all you can do try your best for your Mum.

Just sending much Love , Support & Prayer's for you & your Mum on Friday & postive vibes the Meds help with the " Drive " to the New Home

Take Care

Love & BIG HUGS

Love Grove x x x

 

[piedwarbler]

Thanks, dear Grove

I'm petrified to tell the truth. What if she hates it? What if they hate her? What if my sister says, told you so?

Oh boy. Deep breath. Pied slaps herself. Gives herself a stern talking to.

 

[CaPattinson]

Count me in for a truckload of positive vibes for Friday.

I have thought about your first post here and I think you are doing the right thing.
'What ifs' don't help! What if you don't move her? You've been unhappy with mum's
care for so long, now its time to go with your head and heart and do what you know
is right. Good luck Pied, you're doing the right thing!
Here they are, and loads more to follow!

 

[Izzy]

Adding my positive vibes too. You need to do what you think is right for your mum. x

 

[larivy]

Sending positive vibes by the bucket loads I'm sure it will go well love larivy

 

[Soobee]

you are doing this for a good reason, and with the best intentions.

I am sure that it's the right thing to do, because this way you know you have tried to make her care better.

 

[Scottie45]

All the best for Friday,sending lots of positive vibes hope it al lgoes well for your mum and you,take care Marian xx

 

[piedwarbler]

Thanks one and all. I'll keep trying to find a home that really cares. I'm surprised I don't have more nightmares sometimes. One carer said to me today, "Oh, your mum often vomits when we give her personal care, the only difference is that you saw it happen today"

And nobody ever told me, or suggested that maybe we could review her medication to try and stop it happening?

 

[thatwoman]

Hi Pied,

all the best for Friday! I think I've left it too late for my Dad now, or I would move him now that our changed management has left his home with too few carers. I can't relax knowing that he's not safe, but he is too close to the end for it to be fair on him to put him through the journey. My hubby does the day shift, sitting with Dad during lunch and staying for the afternoon, then I go straight from work for teatime, and stay until after 7pm. It's exhausting, and not recommended.

If your Mum is still enjoying things (anything!), then the upheaval will be worthwhile. Well done you, for getting on and doing something, not wasting time talking about it, like I have done. I'm sure you're doing the right thing,

Love and hugs (and very positive vibes!)

Sue xxx

 

[piedwarbler]

Thanks Sue, I understand your tiredness, I have visited every day recently just to be sure Mum is ok. You must be utterly exhausted. It drives me potty that management can insist on such poor staff/resident ratios. How can it be legal?

I hope you are coping and my thoughts go out to you, it is like running a marathon with no finsihing line sometimes.