A life in the day of.........................
- Thread starter Grannie G
- Start date
- Status
Hi Sylvia, I have just picked up on your threads and I am so glad you did not have a repeat of the visit that left you feeling quite upset. We all know about the good days and bad days, but when there is a period of all good days, I think it lulls us into a different world, so when a bad day comes along, it's like a smack in the face, and all the feelings of deterioration and negative thoughts creep in. At least this is how I feel when this happens to me.
What a wonderful home Dhiren is in, the staff sound so good. This must make you feel much better knowing he is receiving love and care when you are not there.
Thinking of you.
June x
What a wonderful home Dhiren is in, the staff sound so good. This must make you feel much better knowing he is receiving love and care when you are not there.
Thinking of you.
June x
I suppose some deterioration is inevitable in various aspects of Dhiren's life, but he still knows who you are and I am quite sure that your extra visits are very significant to him even though you say they make little difference other than to your conscience.
I think your conscience is very important, and your attention to detail on Dhiren's behalf is also very important, and these things show that he is loved and looked after.
I hope that if this ever happens to me there is someone who cares enough to notice all these things, even though I would not wish what you are going through on anyone.
Pippa xx
I think your conscience is very important, and your attention to detail on Dhiren's behalf is also very important, and these things show that he is loved and looked after.
I hope that if this ever happens to me there is someone who cares enough to notice all these things, even though I would not wish what you are going through on anyone.
Pippa xx
Sylvia, Just read your post and sorry to hear that Dhiren asks to come home. That's a difficult one. Don't underestimate your extra visits ,you may not see any improvement or reaction but possibly within Dhiren there is a peace knowing you are there and you are giving him that one to one support which even in best of homes carers just can't. take care Patx
Thanks for writing as you did, Sylvia. I can relate to what you said, and as Tina says, it does help. I get upset about Henry not knowing he has a room in his care home and how shocked he is that he sleeps there. I didn't realise Dhiren was similar despite being in his home for, I think, 18 months?
I hadn't thought about Henry knowing the carers until you mentioned this. I don't think he does, he never refers to them.
And like Henry Dhiren still speaks about 'going home'...
My conscience bothers me, I feel I should be there daily but I've gone from six days a week to five and now three or four times a week, just can't do any more than that now. I admire you for deciding to visit more frequently.
We all know this disease is progressive, but it still upsets to see the changes. I'm trying hard to programme myself differently, but it is not easy.
Long may your visits be mainly 'good' ones, they do make such a difference when you leave and know there is no distress. I am so pleased there has been no repeat of your visit prior to your holiday.
Love
Loo xx
Thank you larivy, June, Pippa, Izzy , Pat and Loo.
Loo, I`m still only visiting four times a week and our son visits on Sundays. Originally I was determined not to visit daily, partly for selfish reasons and partly because I hoped Dhiren might communicate better with staff and other residents when I`m not there.
Loo, I`m still only visiting four times a week and our son visits on Sundays. Originally I was determined not to visit daily, partly for selfish reasons and partly because I hoped Dhiren might communicate better with staff and other residents when I`m not there.
Last edited:
I picked up on this Sylvia:
I feel sure he would still be uncertain in his own home. I still remember your anguish when he was constantly going to the station to buy tickets for the train to India.
Dhiren still welcomes your food and your presence and its good you can visit as and when you want.
Looking back of the pre care home years, Dhiren seems generally more contented and you are much less stressed.
Long may this continue.
I feel sure he would still be uncertain in his own home. I still remember your anguish when he was constantly going to the station to buy tickets for the train to India.
Dhiren still welcomes your food and your presence and its good you can visit as and when you want.
Looking back of the pre care home years, Dhiren seems generally more contented and you are much less stressed.
Long may this continue.
Hello Sylvia, I am sorry to read that Dhiren is asking to go home. It is heartbreaking, not knowing if they remember home or are wishing to be some place in their memories. Staff always told us FIL was fine when we were not there, it was only triggered when he made some connection with us.
You give so much support to everyone else, take good care of yourself too! I hope you remember some of your own advice, stay longer for good visits, and less for the sadder ones. You always give me such good advice
xx
You give so much support to everyone else, take good care of yourself too! I hope you remember some of your own advice, stay longer for good visits, and less for the sadder ones. You always give me such good advice
xx
Thank you Jan and Christin.
I know he was unaware of the geography of this tiny bungalow when he was home Jan. He would stand at the door of the living room, looking left and right, not knowing which way to go.
Christin, I do take my own advice re visits , in some ways being thankful he is unable to get up and go walkabouts any more. I`m the one who gets up and goes.
I know he was unaware of the geography of this tiny bungalow when he was home Jan. He would stand at the door of the living room, looking left and right, not knowing which way to go.
Christin, I do take my own advice re visits , in some ways being thankful he is unable to get up and go walkabouts any more. I`m the one who gets up and goes.
Morning Sylvia,
I'm so glad you're continuing this thread! I've missed you! It's always a great help to me to see how you cope with the ups and downs of life with this illness. Dhiren and my Dad went into homes at about the same time, and it's been interesting to see the parallels and differences.
I've been visiting twice a day for the past 6 weeks and I would not wish that on anyone. My sister said she would go on Saturdays, but then staff said she didn't feed Dad and it takes an hour to get him to eat half a bowl of food, so staff can't really get him to eat as much as he could. It's been a nightmare .I hope he's going to survive this weekend while I'm in London, but at this rate he'll outlive me!
I'll catch up when I get back, but this weekend I've decided to leave TP at home, and concentrate on my 2 grandchildren instead!
Love and hugs,
Sue xxx
I'm so glad you're continuing this thread! I've missed you! It's always a great help to me to see how you cope with the ups and downs of life with this illness. Dhiren and my Dad went into homes at about the same time, and it's been interesting to see the parallels and differences.
I've been visiting twice a day for the past 6 weeks and I would not wish that on anyone. My sister said she would go on Saturdays, but then staff said she didn't feed Dad and it takes an hour to get him to eat half a bowl of food, so staff can't really get him to eat as much as he could. It's been a nightmare
.I hope he's going to survive this weekend while I'm in London, but at this rate he'll outlive me!I'll catch up when I get back, but this weekend I've decided to leave TP at home, and concentrate on my 2 grandchildren instead!
Love and hugs,
Sue xxx
Hi Sylvia
Sorry to hear of Dhirens deteroration - inevitable with this awful disease.
At least you dont have the added worry of the care Dhiren receives in the home, it sounds like they do a wonderful job of looking after him.
I hope you are well and continue to enjoy your breaks away so that you can at least put this disease at the back of your mind now and then.
Love to you and Dhiren
Janet
Sorry to hear of Dhirens deteroration - inevitable with this awful disease.
At least you dont have the added worry of the care Dhiren receives in the home, it sounds like they do a wonderful job of looking after him.
I hope you are well and continue to enjoy your breaks away so that you can at least put this disease at the back of your mind now and then.
Love to you and Dhiren
Janet
Hello Sylvia - how nice to see you back on this thread - I have missed you, you help so many people and give such good advice. It must be a huge relief to you to know that Dhiren is so well looked after and that he is safe but sad that he still wants to come home - do you think he means India? I am glad you are having better visits and that Dhiren can still communicate. My husband has no speech at all so it is very difficult to know when something is wrong - he "growls" quite a lot during the day, sometimes I am sure in frustration but sometimes possibly in pain. Today when I asked him why he was making that noise he pointed at his feet, so I guessed I had tied his shoelaces too tight so loosened them but it's all guesswork really. It's a difficult life isn't it, but we all do our best in different ways. Look after yourself and take care. Sox
Thank you Sox.
Dhiren has wanted to `go home ` for years and I really don`t know where he is thinking of but I guess it`s to his mother, who he thinks is in Manchester.
I am grateful he still has some language as I think loss of communication would be a nightmare. It`s good to hear at least your husband has some method of communication Sox, by his use of gesture.
Dhiren has wanted to `go home ` for years and I really don`t know where he is thinking of but I guess it`s to his mother, who he thinks is in Manchester.
I am grateful he still has some language as I think loss of communication would be a nightmare. It`s good to hear at least your husband has some method of communication Sox, by his use of gesture.
its lovely to read that dhiren is happy and contented and that you are too, i too find that sometimes dave just looks blankley at me and dosnt understand what im saying. im told that his brain dosnt processes the imformation that is given, so theres always a deley in any response. i look forward to your thread and you help enormously your like our guardian angel and for me tp is sylvia and dhiren xxx
I agree with Lyn TP is you and Dhiren Sylvia.
I'm pleased he is settled but it is you that notice the more subtle things and that is hard, but good that you are able to go more often.
You are very supportive Sylvia and I thank you for your support, I know you understand and that's precious and it's strange how that get's through the virtual environment and the fog of this horrible illness - but it does - so thank you.
Love
Sue
xx
I'm pleased he is settled but it is you that notice the more subtle things and that is hard, but good that you are able to go more often.
You are very supportive Sylvia and I thank you for your support, I know you understand and that's precious and it's strange how that get's through the virtual environment and the fog of this horrible illness - but it does - so thank you.
Love
Sue
xx
Hi Sylvia
Thanks for asking how I am.
I am okay, still working full time. I have good friends and family and have started to socialise more. I still have good days and bad days.
Its over 3 years since I lost my lovely Steve but I am learning to live life without him, I think my grief will always be there just below the surface. Living through this disease and the destruction it causes is something I will never forget.
I have a good life, not the one I wanted but trying to make the best of every day.
love Janet
Thanks for asking how I am.
I am okay, still working full time. I have good friends and family and have started to socialise more. I still have good days and bad days.
Its over 3 years since I lost my lovely Steve but I am learning to live life without him, I think my grief will always be there just below the surface. Living through this disease and the destruction it causes is something I will never forget.
I have a good life, not the one I wanted but trying to make the best of every day.
love Janet
- Status
