Any advice? Anger issues.

london1234

Registered User
May 3, 2011
7
0
South East London
My mother moved into a care home on Monday,which has been the single biggest upheaval for myself having to resign her to strangers for the rest of her days.
The first 2 days were very hard,but each morning,she displayed signs of happiness that I havent seen from her in ages. But today, after a accident with her bowels,she got very aggressive with the staff,residents and myself. I hated having to leave her while she was mad,but it seemed to just get worse the longer I stayed.

I am just wondering if there is any techniques that can be used to calm someone with dementia when they are unapproachable?

Thanks guys.
 

sueorbell

Registered User
Mar 15, 2010
92
0
California, USA
Anger Issues

I'm so sorry, it's hard to leave your Mum in the circumstances you describe. What I hung onto when my mother was early days in EMI care was that the staff are experienced, and as they get to know her and she them it should get easier. My Mum has been in full-time care since last December and seems content. Prior to that when living on her own with daily care visits she was scratching her skin all over to the point of bleeding sores. All gone now, I think she was lonely. Hope your Mum settles, give her time.
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Hello London
Im sorry to hear your mum was so distressed about her little accident
It must have been so hard having to leave her, but I think sometimes thats the only thing you can do when you see your staying is causing mum more distress

the only advice I can give is
to reassure but not to harp on and change the subject quicly

Im glad that you have also seen your mum happier than she has been for a while, its lovely to see isnt it
its also a very good sign as mum has only been there a short time
 

london1234

Registered User
May 3, 2011
7
0
South East London
Thank you sueorbell and Lin1 for your replies.
I will admit,I am a hard nosed so and so,who guards his emotions well. But the first day,leaving my mum in the home,I cried my eyes out all night. and again, seeing my mum tonight,so angry and dismissive,I welled up again. I feel responsible for her protection and care,so leaving it to the care home staff has been so hard. as watching them, its not always the way I personally would do things with her. (Thats not saying they arent doing things right, just its different from the way I do things for her)
I just am still very uneasy about seeing her in a different environment and not being there for her when she needs me.
 

chucky

Registered User
Feb 17, 2011
968
0
UK
I found the best way for me to cope with these things was to walk away or leave so that i didnt witness the distress. I tried at first to reassure or intervene and it always ended up with me being upset, firstly because i couldnt make a difference, and secondly its heartbreaking watching your loved one angry and frustrated through the bewidlerment of this disease. The staff in the CH have ways of handling these outbursts and they arent closely connected so when theyre being sworn at or are fending off blows (in my dads case) they dont have the guilty feeling that we have. Its a major change in the life of the sufferer but its equally as major for us the carers too. We all have to adjust and find ways to cope with what comes along and even though at the moment it seems bleak, you will find your way eventually given time. Im 6 years down the line with my dad 3 years of which hes been in care and i honestly can say it doesnt phase me now. When he hits me or calls me all sorts of terrible names i shrug it off, but it wasnt like that in the beginning. My dad even peed up my leg one day and i stood and let him do it with tears blinding me. Now if he does things like that i wipe myself down and carry on. Its early days for you but you will eventually learn how to manage your feelings and coping strategies as you go along. Some days will be challenging to say the least, but there are good days too. Stay strong and persevere, you'll find your way. Take care x