On a daily basis mum keeps asking where her mum or dad are and what time they will be home - they have both been dead for over 50 years now and I never knew them... she also seems to get me confused with her mum - sometimes after i have returned from the local shop she will say mum has gone to the shop then later will say is she coming back... its a disgrace she has left us on our own.. I try and explain it was me that went to the shop but because she don't recognise me has her daughter she gets angry... I have always lived with my mother and its times like this when it gets so upsetting because i don't know how to deal with it.... She often asks me to take her out out look for her parents and gets angry if she can't find them... does anyone else have to deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis?
Any advice will be appretiated
- Thread starter EES
- Start date
Mum looks for her parents and gets me confused with her Mum. If she asks I just tell her she has gone to work/shopping/having a nap etc. I did try telling her that her Mum had died but she just asked if she was coming home later.
Mum is always very worried that her Dad won't be able to find her or will come home when she hasn't finished whatever she is doing that day. I usually tell her he is delayed so its ok to finish it later.
Mum is always very worried that her Dad won't be able to find her or will come home when she hasn't finished whatever she is doing that day. I usually tell her he is delayed so its ok to finish it later.
Sometimes it's best to play along in a non-commital kind of way. Maybe if you told your mum that her mum has had to go away for a while and that you are looking after her instead? My mum went through a phase of asking for her dad and I just said he couldn't be here at the moment. Fortunately for us it was a short lived phase.
I'm sure others will be along soon with their own experiences - it's a very difficult side of dementia to deal with and I wish you all the best xx
I'm sure others will be along soon with their own experiences - it's a very difficult side of dementia to deal with and I wish you all the best xx
I agree with Vonny, it's best to play along with it, no matter what you say, she will not change her mind about her parents. Our best sentences used to be, "yes we will sort it out, we will make inquiries, we will look into it what we could do about it!" but never to contradict. This will buy you some time and it will probably lead you into some funny situations, but laughing is the best medicine. To start with my husband used to get impatient with Mum, but then it just aggrevated to whole thing and she went "walkabouts"!
I care for my 96 year old MIL who lives with us, and am in the same situation as you. I also deal with it by 'playing along', which usually she accepts, as she is now too frail to go looking. I say 'its too windy, cold, hot, to go out today, maybe tomorrow'. It can get a bit tricky when she wants me to phone her mum. Sometimes 'later' does not work and I have to pretend Im phoning and say 'she's not answering, she must be having a rest'. In the early days I used to say that her mum and dad had passed away, were in a better place, but that used to upset her afresh every day, so I stopped saying it.
I often am 'mum' and consequently she is always looking to find me and following me, struggling to get out of her chair to do so, and I have to rush over to stop her wasting her energy, as sometimes its every few minutes and she has severe asthma. She frets about having the dinner ready for when her dad gets in, and is often calling for all her deceased family and wanting to go home.
It seems to be a very common problem and I hope it will get easier for you.
Love and best wishes
Coletta
I often am 'mum' and consequently she is always looking to find me and following me, struggling to get out of her chair to do so, and I have to rush over to stop her wasting her energy, as sometimes its every few minutes and she has severe asthma. She frets about having the dinner ready for when her dad gets in, and is often calling for all her deceased family and wanting to go home.
It seems to be a very common problem and I hope it will get easier for you.
Love and best wishes
Coletta
