will my dad forgive me

[carol613]

Hi after what been the worst two weeks , my mum had a assessment for nhs c c , it goes to panel tomorrow , the e m i unit are coming out to asses mum this afternoon,
my dad does know its for the best because he cant cope any longer , hes done a great
job looking after mum for so long, but he still will find it hard, and lonely when mum does go into the home ,
its whats needed for both of them , i just hope he will see , its for the best , x

 

[botanico]

Carol

Do you feel your dad is blaming you? has he said he is blaming you?

We had some very difficult times both with my mother's vascular dementia and then with my dad because of his memory difficulties. I always say I had to make decisons that were extremely hard, so hard that on many occasions I blamed myself for not being able to do more, give more, you name it I questioned everything I have ever done. When I look back though I feel I made the decisons that were in the best interests of my parents given the circumstances at the time.

I don't know if your dad will blame you, is the honest answer, but if you are doing the best you can do for everyone, given the circumstances, that's all you can do.
My thoughts are with you as these are very difficult times, you are dealing with so many emotions including your own grief. Don't be too hard on yourself.

love botanico

 

[CathT]

Carol,
it is uncanny but I am in exactly the same situation. I would be very interested to learn how you fare with the funding and your mums placement. The emotional and guilt trip is a nightmare. Spent the day visiting care homes bit not sure whether the continuing care assessment will recommend residential and or nursing. My understanding is as a self funder we still pay the full residential fee and nhs will top up the nursing element. However getting conflicting info and the choice of nursing/emi places is dire. I also feel I have let them both down by not helping them more in their time of need but with a mortgage and family to support I simply can't afford to pack my job in. The guilt is soul destroying. Sending you best wishes Carol at this very challenging time. X

 

[carol613]

hi , i will let you know ,

Carol,
it is uncanny but I am in exactly the same situation. I would be very interested to learn how you fare with the funding and your mums placement. The emotional and guilt trip is a nightmare. Spent the day visiting care homes bit not sure whether the continuing care assessment will recommend residential and or nursing. My understanding is as a self funder we still pay the full residential fee and nhs will top up the nursing element. However getting conflicting info and the choice of nursing/emi places is dire. I also feel I have let them both down by not helping them more in their time of need but with a mortgage and family to support I simply can't afford to pack my job in. The guilt is soul destroying. Sending you best wishes Carol at this very challenging time. X

i am waiting a M D T meeting which will be soon i hope x