Mum died just over a week ago. Her funeral is next Thursday. I am quite worried about what's going to happen to my thought processes after the funeral. I am still very busy arranging things and sorting out her flat. Relatives are coming from near and far but are all going back to whence they came on the day after the funeral. I will then be alone and without a mum, a flat to clear, a funeral to arrange, phone calls to make. I know I have to fill my time but somethings got a hold of me and I can't see how, what, where, when or why. I guess I know it's going to hit me then and I feel so mithered about it. I know I am not the first and won't be the last to have to go through this. How did you all cope?my mum died
- Thread starter Groundnut
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Mum died just over a week ago. Her funeral is next Thursday. I am quite worried about what's going to happen to my thought processes after the funeral. I am still very busy arranging things and sorting out her flat. Relatives are coming from near and far but are all going back to whence they came on the day after the funeral. I will then be alone and without a mum, a flat to clear, a funeral to arrange, phone calls to make. I know I have to fill my time but somethings got a hold of me and I can't see how, what, where, when or why. I guess I know it's going to hit me then and I feel so mithered about it. I know I am not the first and won't be the last to have to go through this. How did you all cope?Hello Groundnut, I am so sorry to hear your sad news about your mum. I think after the funeral it's a case of taking one day at a time and do just what you can cope with.
There will always be someone on here to offer help with practical matters. Please look after yourself.
Turbo
There will always be someone on here to offer help with practical matters. Please look after yourself.
Turbo
Dear Groundnut,
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and how you are feeling now with so much to organise. I don't often read all the different forums so glad I found your post tonight. There has been much sadness on TP in recent days and hope you get plenty of support - you can always post on the main forum as well. Love Jancis xxx
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and how you are feeling now with so much to organise. I don't often read all the different forums so glad I found your post tonight. There has been much sadness on TP in recent days and hope you get plenty of support - you can always post on the main forum as well. Love Jancis xxx
So sorry to hear of you mum's passing Groundnut. There are no hard and fast rules about grieving and the greatest thing you can do is give yourself the time and the space TO grieve. All too often others expect you to be fine immediately after the funeral and we try to oblige by keeping a smile on our faces and trying to fill out days with anything and everything to blot out what has happened. Take baby steps is good advice and maybe think of something special that you can do in order to keep all those wonderful memories of your mum alive.
Take care
Fiona
x
Take care
Fiona
x
I am so sorry your mum has died.
Everyone is different, so we all cope differently. There will still be things you need to do after the funeral, things to sort out etc. so take your time, tackle one small thing each day. Laugh if you can, and cry when you need to, be kind to yourself
Cate
Everyone is different, so we all cope differently. There will still be things you need to do after the funeral, things to sort out etc. so take your time, tackle one small thing each day. Laugh if you can, and cry when you need to, be kind to yourself
Cate
I am so sorry - remember that TP is here for you when you need it. We will benefit from your experiences and I hope you keep in touch with us.
My thoughts are with you through the next week.
Take care
My thoughts are with you through the next week.
Take care
Thankyou all for taking the time to reply. I guess I was having a panic moment. Your right, everyone is different in how they handle grief. I read that the steps or process is generally the same but comes at different times for different people. I am thinking a bit more logically today. My main problem is lack of sleep and getting overtired which in turn brings on the mashed brain syndrome. So DozyDoris, I will take baby steps, You reminded me that through my caring role when faced with something overwhelming I kept saying to myself "you can't eat an elephant whole". Thankyou for helping me remember.
Your right, everyone is different in how they handle grief. I read that the steps or process is generally the same but comes at different times for different people. I am thinking a bit more logically today. My main problem is lack of sleep and getting overtired which in turn brings on the mashed brain syndrome. So DozyDoris, I will take baby steps, You reminded me that through my caring role when faced with something overwhelming I kept saying to myself "you can't eat an elephant whole". Thankyou for helping me remember.Hi Groundnut,
I hope you had a better night's sleep and perhaps things seem a bit less daunting this morning. It is a lovely sunny start where I am, so if you are sharing that maybe it'll lift your spirits also despite the tasks you are probably going to be doing today.
I do like that "baby steps"....
I hope you had a better night's sleep and perhaps things seem a bit less daunting this morning. It is a lovely sunny start where I am, so if you are sharing that maybe it'll lift your spirits also despite the tasks you are probably going to be doing today.
I do like that "baby steps"....
I`m so sorry you have lost your mum.
Try take one step at a time as things present themselves. Don`t anticipate, just try to go with the flow. Do not be afraid to ask for help from whoever you come into contact with. Perhaps you can ask the relatives to help you before they return to their own homes.
Try take one step at a time as things present themselves. Don`t anticipate, just try to go with the flow. Do not be afraid to ask for help from whoever you come into contact with. Perhaps you can ask the relatives to help you before they return to their own homes.
be aware there will be ups and daowns
Groundnut, my condolences. It is hard after the person you care for dies, there is a gaping black hole in front of you a lot of the time. Where you used to be so busy now you have time on your hands.
Just be assured that on the bad days it is okay to have a cry, feel sorry for yourself and feel sad about what has happened. If you can each time that happens try to think of one good thing, a happy memory, special occasion shared, something that made looking after her and sharing her life so worthwhile.
In time you will find the pain eases and the happy memories come back on their own. All the best for your future, you have earned the good times.
Sue.
Groundnut, my condolences. It is hard after the person you care for dies, there is a gaping black hole in front of you a lot of the time. Where you used to be so busy now you have time on your hands.
Just be assured that on the bad days it is okay to have a cry, feel sorry for yourself and feel sad about what has happened. If you can each time that happens try to think of one good thing, a happy memory, special occasion shared, something that made looking after her and sharing her life so worthwhile.
In time you will find the pain eases and the happy memories come back on their own. All the best for your future, you have earned the good times.
Sue.
Dear groundnut, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Such sad news for you. Please accept my sincerest sympathy. You are in my thoughts today. Love from Deborah xx
So sorry for your loss. One day and one step at a time. It'll be hard but yoou will get there. Like you say the grief process is different for everyone, and in cases of dementia I think the process starts a long time before the person actually dies.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Xx
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Xx
I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's death. My deepest sympathy -it is a very hard loss to come to terms with as she has always been there throughout your life.I don't know if this will help at all but when my mother died, thirty years ago, having suffered fom Alzheimer's (immaterial this, I know but I guess sort of relevant here) I thought my world had come to an end. I couldn't imagine being alive without her despite having a husband and daughters of my own.
Once the funeral was over.I decorated our house from top to bottom. I cried buckets while doing the job but it did mean I had to focus on the job whilst still allowed time to think and remember - and grieve. This last is very important.
What the job is, is probably irrelevant but just trying to focus on something apart from the mundane day to day work will help I think. It helped me, but you may find your own way of working through your tears. I do hope so. I wish you well.X
think
Once the funeral was over.I decorated our house from top to bottom. I cried buckets while doing the job but it did mean I had to focus on the job whilst still allowed time to think and remember - and grieve. This last is very important.
What the job is, is probably irrelevant but just trying to focus on something apart from the mundane day to day work will help I think. It helped me, but you may find your own way of working through your tears. I do hope so. I wish you well.X
think
thank you so much
I am so glad I posted. Again TP has helped enormously. What is it about this forum, so good at helping, caring and looking after one another. I have read and re read these messages and they are personal to me and practical. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
I am so glad I posted. Again TP has helped enormously. What is it about this forum, so good at helping, caring and looking after one another. I have read and re read these messages and they are personal to me and practical. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
