My Mum is currently being assessed for dementia/alzheimers, but its very apparent to us as a family that her memory is fading. My question is whilst this is quite new to us all as a family (although my Nanna had Alzheimers, but we were alot younger then) when my Mum forgets something, are we supposed to remind her that she has forget? Is this going to make her feel really silly that she keeps forgetting things, like the fact I had called her to tell her I would take her shopping one evening, and when I went to pick her up to take her shopping she said I had never caller her up that day. Do I keep pointing these thing out or do I just let them drop? Thanks for any advice.
Advice Please
- Thread starter Sally K
- Start date
Hi, its usually best not to keep reminding because she will forget the reminder quickly too. I learned never to remind and i spent all day repeating the same things over and over, which can drive you to distraction before too long. I used to say things like, you did know i told you, or you were told about that this morning, but then it turned into a battle of wills. Its easier just to say what needs to be said/done as it comes up. If for example theres a Dr appt for noon, i would tell my dad at 11am then it was only an hour of the same questions. I never told my dad anything till the last minute because he kicked off big style if it was something he was resistant to do. Its entirely up to you of course, I found life easier if i kept him in the dark till it was necessary to tell him.
Hi and welcome.
It is the hardest thing to get used to. Presuming she does have dementia then reminding her is pointless and will just stress you both. I think once we come to accept this it is easier on us all. It is very frustrating though.
take care and hope the assessment goes OK
Sue
It is the hardest thing to get used to. Presuming she does have dementia then reminding her is pointless and will just stress you both. I think once we come to accept this it is easier on us all. It is very frustrating though.
take care and hope the assessment goes OK
Sue
I too never used to remind dad as it would stress him & me out
we did invest in a white board on which I wrote relevant things down for the day
though sometimes he would forget to look!!
Gill
we did invest in a white board on which I wrote relevant things down for the day
though sometimes he would forget to look!!
Gill
Hi Sally,
Like you I am fairly new to this, and Mum still hasn't had the test results, but we became aware some months ago that she was forgetting more and more.
We devised some "flash cards" like my children used to have, with words and pictures to prompt her i.e Wash hair, I have laminated these and leave them out in the mornings
. I also write appointments on the calendar, but she doesn't always look at it.
I hope you find something that works for you
Jan
xxx
Like you I am fairly new to this, and Mum still hasn't had the test results, but we became aware some months ago that she was forgetting more and more.
We devised some "flash cards" like my children used to have, with words and pictures to prompt her i.e Wash hair, I have laminated these and leave them out in the mornings
. I also write appointments on the calendar, but she doesn't always look at it.I hope you find something that works for you
Jan
xxx
Hello and welcome to TP.
I think memory boards and writing things down can be helpful. It seems unfair to remind someone suffering from dementia of their weaknesses. However when I needed my husband to see a Doctor about his 'memory problems' I did occasionally gently point out his forgetfulness and told him he could get medication to help. Once that was achieved there was no point in it.
You may find this factsheet useful; there is a paragraph about memory aids.
http://alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=115
Best wishes
I think memory boards and writing things down can be helpful. It seems unfair to remind someone suffering from dementia of their weaknesses. However when I needed my husband to see a Doctor about his 'memory problems' I did occasionally gently point out his forgetfulness and told him he could get medication to help. Once that was achieved there was no point in it.
You may find this factsheet useful; there is a paragraph about memory aids.
http://alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=115
Best wishes
What i did
I am in the same position as your mum ,i have dementia and find it hard remembering a lot of things . time and everyday things are hard i got myself a memory board ,and one for weekly things but just try not to correct mum it wont help wish you all the best take care jackenory.
I am in the same position as your mum ,i have dementia and find it hard remembering a lot of things . time and everyday things are hard i got myself a memory board ,and one for weekly things but just try not to correct mum it wont help wish you all the best take care jackenory.
Hi Sally welcome to TP
Do you keep reminding someone who is forgetting things
If it causes them distress or they deny that you have told them
then I think its best not to.
Am putting a link to a thread called, Compassionate communication with the memory impaired
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
which you may find helpful
do try to remember that you would have to be a saint to follow it all the time, we all get exasperated and upset at times
Do you keep reminding someone who is forgetting things
If it causes them distress or they deny that you have told them
then I think its best not to.
Am putting a link to a thread called, Compassionate communication with the memory impaired
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
which you may find helpful
do try to remember that you would have to be a saint to follow it all the time, we all get exasperated and upset at times
I learnt (eventually ) not to say 'For goodness sake Dad, I told you about that appointment last week and reminded you TWICE yesterday!' and to say instead 'Did I forget to tell you? I'm sorry that was my fault'. The earlier response led to distress for both of us. The second took a huge gulp on my part but made life easier. It's often said asking someone with dementia to remember is like asking a blind person to see.
It's a difficult adjustment, and please don't be hard on yourself.
) not to say 'For goodness sake Dad, I told you about that appointment last week and reminded you TWICE yesterday!' and to say instead 'Did I forget to tell you? I'm sorry that was my fault'. The earlier response led to distress for both of us. The second took a huge gulp on my part but made life easier. It's often said asking someone with dementia to remember is like asking a blind person to see.It's a difficult adjustment, and please don't be hard on yourself.
