Having been told by the Social Worker Henry would be leaving the hospital after 12 mid-day, I allowed time for his arrival and meeting the staff etc., and was there by about 2.30pm. He had not arrived. The nurse said they never know, depends on ambulance transport, it could be after 5pm... What to do.... I decided to go down and sit in the car, have a ciggie, perhaps the ambulance would arrive while I was there. Somehow I couldn't bear to return home, sit and wait, phone to see if he had arrived.
As I went into reception I saw Henry approaching the front door, using his zimmer, an ambulance male and female either side, and I panicked! This sounds very stupid, I thought I would go into the visitors toilet, but it was engaged!
Henry looked up as he came through the door, a broad smile lit up his face as he said "Fancy seeing you here! Why are you here? Where is this?" They sat him in a chair in reception surrounded by plastic bags containing his belongings, he said to the ambulance man and woman "This is my mother!"!! I laughed and reminded him I was his wife, everyone laughed. (Later I did ask him who I was and he said "You are my wife!" ) Soon the nurse appeared and took us upstairs.
In reception he did say he didn't know where he was, I explained, he didn't understand why he was there, I explained, then anxiously " But I wont be here long wll I?" This was repeated every so often throughout my time with him, and sometimes "I wont be staying here forever, will I?" This I found the most harrowing of my time with him. He was not unduly agitated, fairly calm, but his persistent repetition did reveal his inner anxiety.
The nurse took us to his room, he was quiet, no response to me saying it was a nice room. The nurse helped him remove his jacket, he said why, he was not staying. Then she took us along to the lounge/combined dining area, we were introduced to some staff including one male carer who invited us to sit at a round table and served us with tea and plates of tiny biscuits, and marshmallow thingies. Henry loved that, finished his off double quick and wanted to start on mine!
Henry enjoyed meeting the friendly staff, smilng, shaking hands, replying to questions, seemed relaxed and said "It is nice here" He liked the one wall all window and a corner window, and the sunshine was streaming in. Every so often repeating the questions above. All I could think to say was that he would be here some time, and then slid off the subject until it was again repeated.
The carer mostly with us put a CD on, well known Scottish music, and Henry's fingers were tapping on the table, and his foot on the floor. At one point I thought he was going to start singing! The carer, J, said he likes his music, I said yes he used to play the accordion, and she said yes I know, you wrote it in your Care Needs list. That was good to hear.
Just three worrying things. As we left Henry's room a woman sitting in the Quiet Area next to it was loudly whining and moaning and he was irritated saying "What's wrong with her?"
As we left his room a man was about to come in, he followed behind us to the lounge/dining room and stood at the table beside Henry who again became irritated ad said "What does he want?" D the male carer told us his name, I tried to speak to him but he just stared at me in silence. Later D asked him if he wanted a coffee, the man sat at the table, the female carer J was talking to him and he began to talk, but totally incoherent. J obviously didn't understand what he was saying but went along with him. Henry scowled.
Then a man in the lounge area started to cry out loudly several times, Henry almost jumped out of his chair in alarm with "What the hell is that?" Mega-sensitive to noise, raised voices etc.
This has been a worry for me, how Henry would react to other dementia residents. Apart from one woman sitting reading a newspaper and another reading a book, the others there were 'out of it'. I could see this from the way carers were deaing with them, from their demeanour moving around on zimmers, from the obvous signs of advanced dementia. There are also a number of bed bound patients who look quite ill, bedroom doors open.
However, there were a number of carers around, several came and introduced themselves to Henry, and he responded well, all smiles, shaking hands.
Then we returned to Henry's room and I said how nice it was, pointed out the familiar things I had taken in, but he was not interested. When I asked if he thought it a nice room he shrugged, said "Alright I suppose". He looked out the window and said with dismay "They have taken away the lovely view!" The panoramic view of our hills from the hospital window which he so enjoyed. I pointed out that he could still see the hills, but from a different angle, he said "I can't see them for the trees." (to the right) I suggested he sat down and looked out the left side of the window where he would see a clear view of the hills over roof tops, and he said "Oh yes, I see them. But the other big view was much better". Oh dear.....
The chair I had been pleased with on Friday because it has a high back he did not like. Said it was too small. I noticed it is rather narrow, and has wooden arm rests whereas the hospital ones are wide upholstered chairs. When he said he needed the toilet, where was it, he did struggle to get up from the chair, stumbled a little, so it is also too low for him. Another oh dear....
I could buy him a chair he would like, but there isn't enough room for it by the window because of a piece of furnture on the other side, and no place else in the room it would fit.
Kathereen, those things we want to get 'right'..... and a chair is important to Henry. I'll ask for a foam cushion for the chair to raise the height, and see if he does adapt to it. Shall menton that he stumbled a bit trying to get up from the chair.
The only thing that he showed some interest in was the photo of our daughter's wedding group I copied and framed. He came back to it twice and asked "Is that me?" There is a mirror in the en suite (none in the hospital one), perhaps he will become more accustomed to his present appearance. Perhaps he wll prefer to think he is his younger self..... and me is mother.
Irritation was mounting, I thought he was tiring, so walked him back down thw wide corridor to the lounge/dining room. He complained it was a long way, which it is not, but he has lost muscle since the high glucose crisis. There was less scope for 'walking' in the hospital, most of the time he was sitting. I am glad he will have more scope for using his zimmer back and forth as the longer he retains what shuffled walking he has the better. He was tired though.
The tables were set for Tea Time, I got him settled with the man with the poor speech sitting opposite and beside him another smiling man, but he does not talk at all.
As I prepared the way for my departure Henry became anxous again, why was I not staying, where was my bedroom. I explained. "When will I see you again?" Tomorrow. "You will definitely come tomorrow?" I assured him I would and kissed him goodbye, and left feeling rather awful. That inner anxiety he has. Although once the meal was served I knew he would enjoy that.
I sat in the car for a while, having a ciggie, thinking, feeling. Cannot stop thinking about him, but when am I not doing that. I felt I had abandoned him. The finality of Henry now being in a care home swept over me.
My daughter is not tuned into this aspect, husband and wife, and I can't talk to her about it. But I know you will understand.
Now it is late, time I was in bed, but I think I have missed posting this before TP closes down for Tuesday.
PS It cheered me greatly that it was one of Henry's good days, his speech was near normal until later when he tired, he was alert, responding, much better on the zimmer. A marked improvement since the weeks before and after he was so ill with the over high blood glucose levels five weeks ago. Then I later sat in the car and wondered, had doubts... could I have had him home.... Strange how on the good days you almost forget the bad ones.
Love
Loo xxx
As I went into reception I saw Henry approaching the front door, using his zimmer, an ambulance male and female either side, and I panicked! This sounds very stupid, I thought I would go into the visitors toilet, but it was engaged!
Henry looked up as he came through the door, a broad smile lit up his face as he said "Fancy seeing you here! Why are you here? Where is this?" They sat him in a chair in reception surrounded by plastic bags containing his belongings, he said to the ambulance man and woman "This is my mother!"!! I laughed and reminded him I was his wife, everyone laughed. (Later I did ask him who I was and he said "You are my wife!" ) Soon the nurse appeared and took us upstairs.
In reception he did say he didn't know where he was, I explained, he didn't understand why he was there, I explained, then anxiously " But I wont be here long wll I?" This was repeated every so often throughout my time with him, and sometimes "I wont be staying here forever, will I?" This I found the most harrowing of my time with him. He was not unduly agitated, fairly calm, but his persistent repetition did reveal his inner anxiety.
The nurse took us to his room, he was quiet, no response to me saying it was a nice room. The nurse helped him remove his jacket, he said why, he was not staying. Then she took us along to the lounge/combined dining area, we were introduced to some staff including one male carer who invited us to sit at a round table and served us with tea and plates of tiny biscuits, and marshmallow thingies. Henry loved that, finished his off double quick and wanted to start on mine!
Henry enjoyed meeting the friendly staff, smilng, shaking hands, replying to questions, seemed relaxed and said "It is nice here" He liked the one wall all window and a corner window, and the sunshine was streaming in. Every so often repeating the questions above. All I could think to say was that he would be here some time, and then slid off the subject until it was again repeated.
The carer mostly with us put a CD on, well known Scottish music, and Henry's fingers were tapping on the table, and his foot on the floor. At one point I thought he was going to start singing! The carer, J, said he likes his music, I said yes he used to play the accordion, and she said yes I know, you wrote it in your Care Needs list. That was good to hear.
Just three worrying things. As we left Henry's room a woman sitting in the Quiet Area next to it was loudly whining and moaning and he was irritated saying "What's wrong with her?"
As we left his room a man was about to come in, he followed behind us to the lounge/dining room and stood at the table beside Henry who again became irritated ad said "What does he want?" D the male carer told us his name, I tried to speak to him but he just stared at me in silence. Later D asked him if he wanted a coffee, the man sat at the table, the female carer J was talking to him and he began to talk, but totally incoherent. J obviously didn't understand what he was saying but went along with him. Henry scowled.
Then a man in the lounge area started to cry out loudly several times, Henry almost jumped out of his chair in alarm with "What the hell is that?" Mega-sensitive to noise, raised voices etc.
This has been a worry for me, how Henry would react to other dementia residents. Apart from one woman sitting reading a newspaper and another reading a book, the others there were 'out of it'. I could see this from the way carers were deaing with them, from their demeanour moving around on zimmers, from the obvous signs of advanced dementia. There are also a number of bed bound patients who look quite ill, bedroom doors open.
However, there were a number of carers around, several came and introduced themselves to Henry, and he responded well, all smiles, shaking hands.
Then we returned to Henry's room and I said how nice it was, pointed out the familiar things I had taken in, but he was not interested. When I asked if he thought it a nice room he shrugged, said "Alright I suppose". He looked out the window and said with dismay "They have taken away the lovely view!" The panoramic view of our hills from the hospital window which he so enjoyed. I pointed out that he could still see the hills, but from a different angle, he said "I can't see them for the trees." (to the right) I suggested he sat down and looked out the left side of the window where he would see a clear view of the hills over roof tops, and he said "Oh yes, I see them. But the other big view was much better". Oh dear.....
The chair I had been pleased with on Friday because it has a high back he did not like. Said it was too small. I noticed it is rather narrow, and has wooden arm rests whereas the hospital ones are wide upholstered chairs. When he said he needed the toilet, where was it, he did struggle to get up from the chair, stumbled a little, so it is also too low for him. Another oh dear....
I could buy him a chair he would like, but there isn't enough room for it by the window because of a piece of furnture on the other side, and no place else in the room it would fit.
Kathereen, those things we want to get 'right'..... and a chair is important to Henry. I'll ask for a foam cushion for the chair to raise the height, and see if he does adapt to it. Shall menton that he stumbled a bit trying to get up from the chair.
The only thing that he showed some interest in was the photo of our daughter's wedding group I copied and framed. He came back to it twice and asked "Is that me?" There is a mirror in the en suite (none in the hospital one), perhaps he will become more accustomed to his present appearance. Perhaps he wll prefer to think he is his younger self..... and me is mother.
Irritation was mounting, I thought he was tiring, so walked him back down thw wide corridor to the lounge/dining room. He complained it was a long way, which it is not, but he has lost muscle since the high glucose crisis. There was less scope for 'walking' in the hospital, most of the time he was sitting. I am glad he will have more scope for using his zimmer back and forth as the longer he retains what shuffled walking he has the better. He was tired though.
The tables were set for Tea Time, I got him settled with the man with the poor speech sitting opposite and beside him another smiling man, but he does not talk at all.
As I prepared the way for my departure Henry became anxous again, why was I not staying, where was my bedroom. I explained. "When will I see you again?" Tomorrow. "You will definitely come tomorrow?" I assured him I would and kissed him goodbye, and left feeling rather awful. That inner anxiety he has. Although once the meal was served I knew he would enjoy that.
I sat in the car for a while, having a ciggie, thinking, feeling. Cannot stop thinking about him, but when am I not doing that. I felt I had abandoned him. The finality of Henry now being in a care home swept over me.
My daughter is not tuned into this aspect, husband and wife, and I can't talk to her about it. But I know you will understand.
Now it is late, time I was in bed, but I think I have missed posting this before TP closes down for Tuesday.
PS It cheered me greatly that it was one of Henry's good days, his speech was near normal until later when he tired, he was alert, responding, much better on the zimmer. A marked improvement since the weeks before and after he was so ill with the over high blood glucose levels five weeks ago. Then I later sat in the car and wondered, had doubts... could I have had him home.... Strange how on the good days you almost forget the bad ones.
Love
Loo xxx
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