Henry from Hospital to Care Home

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,117
0
Scotland
Having been told by the Social Worker Henry would be leaving the hospital after 12 mid-day, I allowed time for his arrival and meeting the staff etc., and was there by about 2.30pm. He had not arrived. The nurse said they never know, depends on ambulance transport, it could be after 5pm... What to do.... I decided to go down and sit in the car, have a ciggie, perhaps the ambulance would arrive while I was there. Somehow I couldn't bear to return home, sit and wait, phone to see if he had arrived.

As I went into reception I saw Henry approaching the front door, using his zimmer, an ambulance male and female either side, and I panicked! This sounds very stupid, I thought I would go into the visitors toilet, but it was engaged!

Henry looked up as he came through the door, a broad smile lit up his face as he said "Fancy seeing you here! Why are you here? Where is this?" They sat him in a chair in reception surrounded by plastic bags containing his belongings, he said to the ambulance man and woman "This is my mother!"!! I laughed and reminded him I was his wife, everyone laughed. (Later I did ask him who I was and he said "You are my wife!" :)) Soon the nurse appeared and took us upstairs.

In reception he did say he didn't know where he was, I explained, he didn't understand why he was there, I explained, then anxiously " But I wont be here long wll I?" This was repeated every so often throughout my time with him, and sometimes "I wont be staying here forever, will I?" This I found the most harrowing of my time with him. He was not unduly agitated, fairly calm, but his persistent repetition did reveal his inner anxiety.

The nurse took us to his room, he was quiet, no response to me saying it was a nice room. The nurse helped him remove his jacket, he said why, he was not staying. Then she took us along to the lounge/combined dining area, we were introduced to some staff including one male carer who invited us to sit at a round table and served us with tea and plates of tiny biscuits, and marshmallow thingies. Henry loved that, finished his off double quick and wanted to start on mine!

Henry enjoyed meeting the friendly staff, smilng, shaking hands, replying to questions, seemed relaxed and said "It is nice here" He liked the one wall all window and a corner window, and the sunshine was streaming in. Every so often repeating the questions above. All I could think to say was that he would be here some time, and then slid off the subject until it was again repeated.

The carer mostly with us put a CD on, well known Scottish music, and Henry's fingers were tapping on the table, and his foot on the floor. At one point I thought he was going to start singing! The carer, J, said he likes his music, I said yes he used to play the accordion, and she said yes I know, you wrote it in your Care Needs list. That was good to hear.

Just three worrying things. As we left Henry's room a woman sitting in the Quiet Area next to it was loudly whining and moaning and he was irritated saying "What's wrong with her?"

As we left his room a man was about to come in, he followed behind us to the lounge/dining room and stood at the table beside Henry who again became irritated ad said "What does he want?" D the male carer told us his name, I tried to speak to him but he just stared at me in silence. Later D asked him if he wanted a coffee, the man sat at the table, the female carer J was talking to him and he began to talk, but totally incoherent. J obviously didn't understand what he was saying but went along with him. Henry scowled.

Then a man in the lounge area started to cry out loudly several times, Henry almost jumped out of his chair in alarm with "What the hell is that?" Mega-sensitive to noise, raised voices etc.

This has been a worry for me, how Henry would react to other dementia residents. Apart from one woman sitting reading a newspaper and another reading a book, the others there were 'out of it'. I could see this from the way carers were deaing with them, from their demeanour moving around on zimmers, from the obvous signs of advanced dementia. There are also a number of bed bound patients who look quite ill, bedroom doors open.

However, there were a number of carers around, several came and introduced themselves to Henry, and he responded well, all smiles, shaking hands.

Then we returned to Henry's room and I said how nice it was, pointed out the familiar things I had taken in, but he was not interested. When I asked if he thought it a nice room he shrugged, said "Alright I suppose". He looked out the window and said with dismay "They have taken away the lovely view!" The panoramic view of our hills from the hospital window which he so enjoyed. I pointed out that he could still see the hills, but from a different angle, he said "I can't see them for the trees." (to the right) I suggested he sat down and looked out the left side of the window where he would see a clear view of the hills over roof tops, and he said "Oh yes, I see them. But the other big view was much better". Oh dear.....

The chair I had been pleased with on Friday because it has a high back he did not like. Said it was too small. I noticed it is rather narrow, and has wooden arm rests whereas the hospital ones are wide upholstered chairs. When he said he needed the toilet, where was it, he did struggle to get up from the chair, stumbled a little, so it is also too low for him. Another oh dear....

I could buy him a chair he would like, but there isn't enough room for it by the window because of a piece of furnture on the other side, and no place else in the room it would fit.

Kathereen, those things we want to get 'right'..... and a chair is important to Henry. I'll ask for a foam cushion for the chair to raise the height, and see if he does adapt to it. Shall menton that he stumbled a bit trying to get up from the chair.

The only thing that he showed some interest in was the photo of our daughter's wedding group I copied and framed. He came back to it twice and asked "Is that me?" There is a mirror in the en suite (none in the hospital one), perhaps he will become more accustomed to his present appearance. Perhaps he wll prefer to think he is his younger self..... and me is mother.

Irritation was mounting, I thought he was tiring, so walked him back down thw wide corridor to the lounge/dining room. He complained it was a long way, which it is not, but he has lost muscle since the high glucose crisis. There was less scope for 'walking' in the hospital, most of the time he was sitting. I am glad he will have more scope for using his zimmer back and forth as the longer he retains what shuffled walking he has the better. He was tired though.

The tables were set for Tea Time, I got him settled with the man with the poor speech sitting opposite and beside him another smiling man, but he does not talk at all.

As I prepared the way for my departure Henry became anxous again, why was I not staying, where was my bedroom. I explained. "When will I see you again?" Tomorrow. "You will definitely come tomorrow?" I assured him I would and kissed him goodbye, and left feeling rather awful. That inner anxiety he has. Although once the meal was served I knew he would enjoy that.

I sat in the car for a while, having a ciggie, thinking, feeling. Cannot stop thinking about him, but when am I not doing that. I felt I had abandoned him. The finality of Henry now being in a care home swept over me.

My daughter is not tuned into this aspect, husband and wife, and I can't talk to her about it. But I know you will understand.

Now it is late, time I was in bed, but I think I have missed posting this before TP closes down for Tuesday.

PS It cheered me greatly that it was one of Henry's good days, his speech was near normal until later when he tired, he was alert, responding, much better on the zimmer. A marked improvement since the weeks before and after he was so ill with the over high blood glucose levels five weeks ago. Then I later sat in the car and wondered, had doubts... could I have had him home.... Strange how on the good days you almost forget the bad ones.

Love
Loo xxx
 
Last edited:

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,442
0
Loo, with regard to the chair issue: I think there are a number of options. You could get one that would work for Henry and simply get the home to remove the other one. Or, there are two way to deal with the "too low" issue. There are risers that you can get that make the entire chair higher, or, as you mentioned, you can get a cushion for the seat. If you decide to go that route you might want to think about getting the type of cushion that has a lift in it, so that it helps him get up.
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
0
South Ribble
Lots of love, loo. I remember when my mum was as anxious as Henry. Thankfully that phase has passed. I hated it so much & felt so helpless and a traitor every time I left her.
I can't say much to help. I can't imagine your distress at coming home alone. I can only send hugs & prayers xx
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
0
NW England
The finality of Henry now being in a care home swept over me.

Loo – I follow your posts but don’t often post. If you catch this, please know you are being thought of. Please trust in the staff to have Henry settled. I remember being bewildered myself by mum’s ‘fellow residents’ – and wondering how she would ever ‘fit in’. The staff will know them – will assess how well Henry can or can’t interact with some of them and adjust accordingly, I am sure to try to keep everyone as settled and happy as they can be.

You are the one having to deal with this on your own. Henry is in good hands. Please take faith in that tonight.

And if tomorrow – you need to ‘let it all out’ and TP isn’t here, type up whatever it is you need to let go of into Word/note whatever you use – and post back on TP as soon as you need. People will be waiting to offer their support.

Right now, it will inevitably be overwhemlming ... allow yourself to feel what you need to ..... and know people care,

Love, Karen, x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,450
0
Kent
Hello Loo

As first days go I think it was a good day. It might not have felt like a good day to you but as I said before it could have been much worse.

Give the home a chance to realize Henry`s chair is too low. There may be a more suitable chair withing the home which can be moved to Henry`s room.

When I took Dhiren to his home, all was well until the time came for me to leave. I will never forget the look of shock and horror on his face when he realized I was leaving him alone. Although I thought I had prepared him for `convalescence` he had either lost that bit of information or failed to understand the full implications and he was protesting loudly as I left.

So you did well Loo. I hope you managed to sleep.
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Dear Loo
It sounds as the move to the new home went well for Brian , far from easy for you ((((hugs))))
As for the chair, have a chat with someone to see if can be swapped with something more suitable

My heart lifted when the carer said "i know ive read his care plan"

I hope youve slept easier tonight Xxx
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,117
0
Scotland
Briefly, yesterday's visit...

I have just very quicklie popped on to see if TP is up and running again. Gosh, I missed it last night and I wont be alone! I have to go out soon for a while then home again for quick lunch before visiting Henry.

Many thanks for your posts which I'll properly digest and reply to later.

Yesterday was not a good visit. Henry was alright in one sense, sitting in a comfy armchair in the lounge, sleeping when I arrived, dozing off later, and not highly agitated, but difficult. Hard to believe how much himself he was on Monday and then yesterday, the complete opposite.

Very difficult, and verbal abuse, about me leaving, threatening me if I did not visit today as I had assured him I would. Now he is back in the thickness of his dementia fog I realise this is probably a sign of his inner anxiety, confusion about where he is, but it was extremely hard to handle. I left feeling dejected, very depressed and still am. Once again I face visiting with tense anxiety and trepidation.

Less staff around, new ones to me, and the head nurse I met last week who has been off duty since Friday, due back yesterday, I overheard is off sick.

Must go......

Love
Loo xx
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,936
0
North East England
You did so well Loo, the fact that the care plan had been read and noted was super. it is much too soon to react to the chair being smaller/lower. Henry may well change his mind about that, He did so well too given that it must have such a change from his cosiness in hospital. All you can do is give it time and do not commit yourself to being there every day nor at the same time each visit. Give yourself time to adapt too. Love maureen.x.
 

imp

Registered User
Jun 26, 2009
64
0
Warwickshire
This so revived my memories of when I took my husband to his new home, a year ago now. The first few weeks were unbelieveably difficult and my daughters and I spent quite a bit of time in the car crying after our visits. If it is any consolation now, a year later, he is happy and contented, and his face lights up when the staff come to say hello to us. It will never be easy to leave him there but thank goodness we have been fully justified in trusting the staff of the home. We are so lucky to have found this place anf I only hope that Henry will settle down as well as my Eddie has. All good luck to you. Iris
 

grove

Registered User
Aug 24, 2010
7,714
0
North Yorkshire
Hello Loo , Good to be back on T P :) ! ! As others have said Loo you did very well
on Monday ! Henry's room sounds lovely & glad he has a Veiw of " His Hills " ( even tho it might be only a small veiw ) Am sure in time Henry will get used to the" new veiw " , the Careres sound very much " on the ball" :) to me & the one who said yes saw it in the Care Plan sounds very good & keen .

Sorry if this is a bit late tried at 7.00 A M ( to day ) T P still not working ! , tho see others Posted earlier than me ! ! Oh well never mind, from a quick look the New T P looks much better :)


Hope you feel a bit better in your self Loo after the stress etc of Monday

Take Care & Best Wishes to you both

Love Grove x x x
 

Ladywriter1968

Registered User
Oct 2, 2009
438
0
London UK
When my Dad first went into a care home

Having been told by the Social Worker Henry would be leaving the hospital after 12 mid-day, I allowed time for his arrival and meeting the staff etc., and was there by about 2.30pm. He had not arrived. The nurse said they never know, depends on ambulance transport, it could be after 5pm... What to do.... I decided to go down and sit in the car, have a ciggie, perhaps the ambulance would arrive while I was there. Somehow I couldn't bear to return home, sit and wait, phone to see if he had arrived.

As I went into reception I saw Henry approaching the front door, using his zimmer, an ambulance male and female either side, and I panicked! This sounds very stupid, I thought I would go into the visitors toilet, but it was engaged!

Henry looked up as he came through the door, a broad smile lit up his face as he said "Fancy seeing you here! Why are you here? Where is this?" They sat him in a chair in reception surrounded by plastic bags containing his belongings, he said to the ambulance man and woman "This is my mother!"!! I laughed and reminded him I was his wife, everyone laughed. (Later I did ask him who I was and he said "You are my wife!" :)) Soon the nurse appeared and took us upstairs.

In reception he did say he didn't know where he was, I explained, he didn't understand why he was there, I explained, then anxiously " But I wont be here long wll I?" This was repeated every so often throughout my time with him, and sometimes "I wont be staying here forever, will I?" This I found the most harrowing of my time with him. He was not unduly agitated, fairly calm, but his persistent repetition did reveal his inner anxiety.

The nurse took us to his room, he was quiet, no response to me saying it was a nice room. The nurse helped him remove his jacket, he said why, he was not staying. Then she took us along to the lounge/combined dining area, we were introduced to some staff including one male carer who invited us to sit at a round table and served us with tea and plates of tiny biscuits, and marshmallow thingies. Henry loved that, finished his off double quick and wanted to start on mine!

Henry enjoyed meeting the friendly staff, smilng, shaking hands, replying to questions, seemed relaxed and said "It is nice here" He liked the one wall all window and a corner window, and the sunshine was streaming in. Every so often repeating the questions above. All I could think to say was that he would be here some time, and then slid off the subject until it was again repeated.

The carer mostly with us put a CD on, well known Scottish music, and Henry's fingers were tapping on the table, and his foot on the floor. At one point I thought he was going to start singing! The carer, J, said he likes his music, I said yes he used to play the accordion, and she said yes I know, you wrote it in your Care Needs list. That was good to hear.

Just three worrying things. As we left Henry's room a woman sitting in the Quiet Area next to it was loudly whining and moaning and he was irritated saying "What's wrong with her?"

As we left his room a man was about to come in, he followed behind us to the lounge/dining room and stood at the table beside Henry who again became irritated ad said "What does he want?" D the male carer told us his name, I tried to speak to him but he just stared at me in silence. Later D asked him if he wanted a coffee, the man sat at the table, the female carer J was talking to him and he began to talk, but totally incoherent. J obviously didn't understand what he was saying but went along with him. Henry scowled.

Then a man in the lounge area started to cry out loudly several times, Henry almost jumped out of his chair in alarm with "What the hell is that?" Mega-sensitive to noise, raised voices etc.

This has been a worry for me, how Henry would react to other dementia residents. Apart from one woman sitting reading a newspaper and another reading a book, the others there were 'out of it'. I could see this from the way carers were deaing with them, from their demeanour moving around on zimmers, from the obvous signs of advanced dementia. There are also a number of bed bound patients who look quite ill, bedroom doors open.

However, there were a number of carers around, several came and introduced themselves to Henry, and he responded well, all smiles, shaking hands.

Then we returned to Henry's room and I said how nice it was, pointed out the familiar things I had taken in, but he was not interested. When I asked if he thought it a nice room he shrugged, said "Alright I suppose". He looked out the window and said with dismay "They have taken away the lovely view!" The panoramic view of our hills from the hospital window which he so enjoyed. I pointed out that he could still see the hills, but from a different angle, he said "I can't see them for the trees." (to the right) I suggested he sat down and looked out the left side of the window where he would see a clear view of the hills over roof tops, and he said "Oh yes, I see them. But the other big view was much better". Oh dear.....

The chair I had been pleased with on Friday because it has a high back he did not like. Said it was too small. I noticed it is rather narrow, and has wooden arm rests whereas the hospital ones are wide upholstered chairs. When he said he needed the toilet, where was it, he did struggle to get up from the chair, stumbled a little, so it is also too low for him. Another oh dear....

I could buy him a chair he would like, but there isn't enough room for it by the window because of a piece of furnture on the other side, and no place else in the room it would fit.

Kathereen, those things we want to get 'right'..... and a chair is important to Henry. I'll ask for a foam cushion for the chair to raise the height, and see if he does adapt to it. Shall menton that he stumbled a bit trying to get up from the chair.

The only thing that he showed some interest in was the photo of our daughter's wedding group I copied and framed. He came back to it twice and asked "Is that me?" There is a mirror in the en suite (none in the hospital one), perhaps he will become more accustomed to his present appearance. Perhaps he wll prefer to think he is his younger self..... and me is mother.

Irritation was mounting, I thought he was tiring, so walked him back down thw wide corridor to the lounge/dining room. He complained it was a long way, which it is not, but he has lost muscle since the high glucose crisis. There was less scope for 'walking' in the hospital, most of the time he was sitting. I am glad he will have more scope for using his zimmer back and forth as the longer he retains what shuffled walking he has the better. He was tired though.

The tables were set for Tea Time, I got him settled with the man with the poor speech sitting opposite and beside him another smiling man, but he does not talk at all.

As I prepared the way for my departure Henry became anxous again, why was I not staying, where was my bedroom. I explained. "When will I see you again?" Tomorrow. "You will definitely come tomorrow?" I assured him I would and kissed him goodbye, and left feeling rather awful. That inner anxiety he has. Although once the meal was served I knew he would enjoy that.

I sat in the car for a while, having a ciggie, thinking, feeling. Cannot stop thinking about him, but when am I not doing that. I felt I had abandoned him. The finality of Henry now being in a care home swept over me.

My daughter is not tuned into this aspect, husband and wife, and I can't talk to her about it. But I know you will understand.

Now it is late, time I was in bed, but I think I have missed posting this before TP closes down for Tuesday.

PS It cheered me greatly that it was one of Henry's good days, his speech was near normal until later when he tired, he was alert, responding, much better on the zimmer. A marked improvement since the weeks before and after he was so ill with the over high blood glucose levels five weeks ago. Then I later sat in the car and wondered, had doubts... could I have had him home.... Strange how on the good days you almost forget the bad ones.

Love
Loo xxx
When my Dad first went into the care home, took him a while to adjust, there are two ladies there that are loud that he dont like, so the carers try to keep them separate. My Dad cant handle noise now. So they would take him to his room when he wanted quiet. After a short time he got settled in there and got on ok with staff. Even got him playing domino's and he and another patient who became mates lived next door to each other, they I think were playing cards and kept exchanging their good, their sticks etc. Cause the carers keep swopping them back again. My Dad is in hospital at the moment his heart, last month was a hip operation. So he very poorly now. Its a shame since his operation it has make him much weaker now. But the carers always made sure he was eating and drinking which was good, and they weighed him every week to. Unlike the hospital who just leave the patients for hours with nothing. If they dont eat they take it away. But at the care home they help them eat it if they struggle.

Dad dropped a stone last time was in that hospital, when he went back to the care home they were trying to get his weight back up again. Now he back in hospital so I just hope it dont drop down even more.

But my Dad has been looked after the the care home so just to re assure you that your husband will be fine.
 

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
0
Dorset
Henry's move

It sounds to me, too, to have gone reasonably well, Loo. As for the transport to get him there - well - here it is legendary - bad, that is. A two hour wait is the norm.

I was so pleased to see that one of the care assistants had said she had seen something in Henry's Care Plan. One does wonder, sometimes, if all the information ever gets through to the people it should.

But even so, you had a tough time with his "How long will I be here?", the very question you had hoped would not occur to him. It sounds to me as though you coped very well.

I am so sorry to see that yesterday's visit was a difficult one. It is so awful when you come away feeling depressed. There is nothing for it, Loo, but to try and put it behind you, do something to distract yourself, take your mind off it with a new library book, a magazine, a little treat for your supper, a drive to somewhere different - these are all things I try myself. You know there will be good and not so good visits. This is never going to change. I have a little list in my head of "Things to cheer me up" - and I don't doubt other people have too, in their fashion. A list of distractions ...

I hope your visit to-day will be a better one. But if not, start writing out your list.

I expect the finality of it all is only just beginning to "bite". I am still dealing with this aspect of it all myself.

Dearest Loo, thinking of you and sending love,
Nan XXX
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Dear Loo

Hugs to you. Henry is bound to be unsettled as are you for different reasons.

May I suggest you dont visit for a couple of days or even a week, give yourself a much needed and well desreved break! It may give Henry a chance to settle a little more to his new surroundings. By all means phone a few times a day to speak to the staff.
xxx
 

together

Registered User
May 25, 2010
483
0
Derbyshire
Loo, Hoping you have a good visit today. I think the reading of the care plan and putting the music on is wonderful, all those little caring things that mean so much to you and Henry. I remember feeling disappointed that despite all Dad and my efforts to put familiar photos, a picture, cushions, fleece throw, little china saucers etc etc that Mum never seemed to notice. However I can never be sure, maybe she did but never showed it? Are there different areas for him to sit in if the noise disturbs him? Sadly the room where Mum always was had the dreaded TV blaring out often with unsuitable programmes but as I was new to it all didnt dare change/turn it down in case that upset any of the other residents.
Thinking of you, and feeling for you, I can understand all your worries but fingers crossed things are going smoothly. Take care of yourself Katherine x
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Loo: Its good to read how Henry's move to Care Home went for you both. I feel you have chosen a Care Home well as they do seem very attentive.

It will take you both a while to adjust to a change in lifestyle. I took a cushion in for David when he first went into care but later an OT provided another one to help prevent sores (he was sitting most of the time with little activity).

Henry is to be well cared for so please make sure you take care of yourself.

Best wishes
 

Contrary Mary

Registered User
Jun 11, 2010
1,895
0
69
Greater London
Loo, I'm sure it will take a while for everything to settle down, but hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel now. Just sending my best wishes to you both, at this next stage in the dementia journey.

Take care
Mary
x
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,513
0
Near Southampton
Hello Loo

Sorry I'm late coming on to TP. Had a bit of a busy day. glad that THE day has passed for you and Henry - sounds as though it was a bit mixed - and I well understand your feeings on leaving him. Hopefully, he will settle down quite quickly which will make you feel happier, or less unhappy I should say. The one thing about this disease is that memories of where he has been should soon pass which will make acceptance of where he is easier.

I hope your visit today will have been better. I daresay it will take time. I do feel for you. I'll check on your thread later. love X
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,117
0
Scotland
A better day

I was posting this when I lost it..... :(

Thank you for all your wonderful kind messages and advice. Yesterday was a bad day, and evening for me, I felt so utterly dejected and depressed after the visit to Henry. Of course there always have been good and bad days, but it was such a complete contrast to how he was on Monday after his arrival at the care home. I should have been more prepared for that and realized he was not going to stay that good forever more.

Although of course I was extremely pleased and relieved that he did do so well on Monday as I know it could have been a great deal worse.

Today was different again! I found him in his comfy armchair in the lounge, was greeted with a smile and a "Where have you been?" Then he returned to watching TV, a 'Cowboys and Indians' film, which he intently watched to the end. The first time he has really watched TV since he left home. Afterwards he dozed off a few times, didn't talk much at all really. However I felt he was much more relaxed than yesterday's agitation and bad behaviour, he looked better too. Just a little bit anxious when I was leaving but nothing like yesterday. The anxiety was about it being Tea Time and what should he do, I said just relax in your chair and the care assistant will come and take you to the table when it is time.

The Charge nurse is still off sick and the Manager was on duty, I only met her once in March when I made an unannouced visit. She was all poshed up, mentioned as I left that she was also leaving soon for a meeting. I have never seen her around during my other four visits and thought perhaps she was a Manager who 'managed'. It was reassuring to see her in uiniform and mucking in when the food was brought up.

Earlier she came and spoke to me, told me a GP from our practice had made a brief call that morning and would be returning in a week or so to do a full medical assessment of Henry. The GP had mainly called about Henry's glucose levels and was pleased with them, good to hear.

I asked the Manager how Henry has been and she said fine. He did have a restless first night which she said was to be expected, and would account for his tiredness yesterday and agitation. Last night he had a much better night.

Yesterday I noticed they had moved his bed against a wall and asked the manager if there was a problem. He was confused about which side to get out, a man of habit, and they also put a sensory mat down. I noticed yesterday the bed had been stripped and guessed he had been incontinent overnight. Last night he was only up once, they heard the sensory mat, someone went and helped him and after that he slept well.

After Tea Time yesterday he had gone walkabout, without zimmer, and was reminded about that. Evenings at home were always his restless times, here, there and everywhere, into cupboards etc. Then they sat him in the Quiet Area with a large window and she said he seemed to enjoy the view, watching the traffic, etc. When he had been asked if he wanted to go to bed he had said no and it was about 11pm before he did go. In hospital they were all put to bed at a certain time and Henry being Henry would much prefer to go when he wished. As she left me the manager said "He's alright, he is fine. He is gorgeous"!!

She left a sheet of paper with me to fill in his eating and drinking likes and dislikes, special diet etc., and I said that will be hard to do, he likes everythng and I can't think of anything he does not like! She said yes, he certainly has an excellent appetite! This will go in his Care Plan.

I was offered tea and biscuits, Henry had had his earlier and it was getting close to Tea Time. It does seem very early starting at 4pm?? I suppose once they have those who do sit at tables all seated and served it does take some time. Henry did ask where was his tea and biscuits, I said he had had his just before I arrived, and he accepted that. Normally he would have had a mini-tantrum and insisted he had not. He was definitely more relaxed today.

I came home with a much lighter heart. Relief. He will have tomorrow to himself, I have things to do and wont be in again until Friday. Not sure about the weekend, I do feel the need of a weekend at home, and he wont realize I have not visited. It may be good for him too, normally I arouse too many questions. Although not a word today about where was he and why and he would not be there long, would he, he would not be there forever. That is a painful one.

I do feel very impressed with the two young foreign care assistants, one in particular truly is a caring carer with the residents, and the other not far behind her. They are not as chatty as the Scottish ones on Monday but very attentive.

Still feeling all at sea, very much the new girl - the new visiting carer wife. I did enjoy a chat with a visitor yesterday, a daughter visiting her mother. She was very relaxed, knew all the carers, chatting to them, and some of the residents. It is all such a contract from hospitals, after over six months I feel I have become institutionalised as well! It will take time to relax, become used to the more homely, relaxed atmosphere and different attitude, so different from the' hospital-visitors-should-be-seen-and-not-heard' one.

I am all mixed up, thoughts, emotions, can't believe we are here. Not where we wanted to be but.... None of us want to be where we are, do we, on this dementia journey.

I shall leave it there meantime while I feed myself, cannot get used to solo meals, and return to your posts later to properly digest them and reply. My heartfelt thanks again to all of you.

Love
Loo xx
 
Last edited:

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,809
0
Surrey
Dear Loo, just wanted to say I am pleased that Henry's glucose levels are stabilising and I do have to say you sound calmer, if sad about the situation. Mealtimes must be really difficult for you. I do hope you have peace of mind now and get used to the more relaxed atmosphere of visiting in the home. Take care xx