Hello again. I really don't know where to start with this. My mum is in hosp and her dementia has taken a step downwards. The first doctor I saw indicated she now needed res care. The next day after an MDT, the registrar says she has mental capacity and can go home, and to prove it they will get a psychiatrist to rubber stamp that decision. They would get the psych to speak with me. Psychiatrist sees mum (and I only see him by luck as I turned up half hour early for visiting) he says in his opinion she needs 24 hour residential care. Wants to prescribe amisolpriate. After discussing the risks I said no. The consultant said that by giving her this drug she may be able to go home but I still feel the risks outweigh it. I find yesterday that mum has been on this drug since Sunday. A Health care assistant said my mum swears and gets cross, a nurse says my mum is generally ok and no bother at all. I am on this awful roller coaster. Each day I go in there is something else to worry about, sort out, ignore not ignore. I don't know whether I am coming or going. Even down to incontinence pads, they keep using a size too small which makes mum uncomfortable. Her finger was caught between a wheelchair and her bed and needs dressing and is sore. I am waiting for a SW to reassess but it still isn't clear if she is going home. I am told to withdraw completely if she goes home in order that any care package fails. I am not sleeping and am really stressed. There is a ward round tomorrow and I am scared I will just sob, I don't want to. This is just skimming the surface of what has been going on. I don't think I can take anymore. Effective communication just does not happen on my mum's ward. I haven’t got a Poa (yet). I feel like I am wandering around in the dark and being pointed in the wrong direction whenever I ask questions. Do I just need to calm down, am I just trying to hard, shall I give in. I don't know where to turn. What do I do about this anti psychotic? Mum has heart failure. Her delusions and paranoia are reasonably mild. She does not pose a risk to herself or others and is in no way aggressive. She has had paramedics out 5 times over the last year for falls in her flat. Her hospital admission this time was for pneumonia which has cleared up. I am glad I have got some of this down into words. Apologies for going on and on.
ward round and me stressed
- Thread starter Groundnut
- Start date
Hello
What an awful situation you are in ,
I wish I had some helpful advice for you , but what you are going through is way beyond my experience .
What I do know is that they should hold a best interest meeting before they even consider discharging mum , its a multi disaplinary team and you should be involved in this meeting .
Their is a factsheet on here called hospital discharge which you may find helpful , sorry i cant put the link here as im here on my phone.
I would also contact the Alzheimers society to see if they can help you
I hope others who can be of more help to you will be along soon
xxxx
What an awful situation you are in ,
I wish I had some helpful advice for you , but what you are going through is way beyond my experience .
What I do know is that they should hold a best interest meeting before they even consider discharging mum , its a multi disaplinary team and you should be involved in this meeting .
Their is a factsheet on here called hospital discharge which you may find helpful , sorry i cant put the link here as im here on my phone.
I would also contact the Alzheimers society to see if they can help you
I hope others who can be of more help to you will be along soon
xxxx
Lin1,
Thank you for such a speedy reply. I will try and find the information you suggested. I did contact Alz when mum was first admitted because I felt I coudln't cope if she was discharged. I was advised to withdraw. I am considering this, but do not think I could go through with it. It is not an easy option, I feel that I am becoming unwell and my guilt is through the roof at the moment.
I will try and post a comment after the ward round.
Thank you for such a speedy reply. I will try and find the information you suggested. I did contact Alz when mum was first admitted because I felt I coudln't cope if she was discharged. I was advised to withdraw. I am considering this, but do not think I could go through with it. It is not an easy option, I feel that I am becoming unwell and my guilt is through the roof at the moment.
I will try and post a comment after the ward round.
That old childhood reasurance before exams and anything else one feared - "All you can do is your best .. and that's enough" - migh help you. You're doing your best to make sense of it all - if it still doesn't make sense, that's the way it is and IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
Hope you can sleep and that you'll feel better in the morning.
Hope you can sleep and that you'll feel better in the morning.
I was just repeating to myself
"You are doing the best you can"
"You are doing the best you can"
I try and do this when I am OTT
But a little voice says
no your not.
Yes I am!
I know that I am.
I think I am having one of those moments. Thanks for all your messages.
x
"You are doing the best you can"
"You are doing the best you can"
I try and do this when I am OTT
But a little voice says
no your not.
Yes I am!
I know that I am.
I think I am having one of those moments. Thanks for all your messages.
x
My Mum had to go into residential care two years ago and it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I felt torn apart so I know what you must be going through. To make things worse you are getting conflicting information from the medical people. You might well find a different psychiatrist took a different view on the drugs too. Mum's wanted to put her on seroquel and I was not happy with this. He was away when my GP got me an appointment so I saw his colleague who was totally against using it!
I also recognise that little voice that keeps saying "could do better". You know you can't but it doesn't seem to silence it.
It is easy for a "professional" to say "withdraw care" but not for those of us who are emotionally involved. Don't let yourself be pushed into accepting something which you know is not likely to work. Lin is right about the best interests meeting though some hospitals desperate for beds seem to forget the rules if they think the relatives don't know them!
If it does come to residential care there are quite a few good things which can come out of it so think positive. I hope you feel brighter tomorrow.
Jan
I also recognise that little voice that keeps saying "could do better". You know you can't but it doesn't seem to silence it.
It is easy for a "professional" to say "withdraw care" but not for those of us who are emotionally involved. Don't let yourself be pushed into accepting something which you know is not likely to work. Lin is right about the best interests meeting though some hospitals desperate for beds seem to forget the rules if they think the relatives don't know them!
If it does come to residential care there are quite a few good things which can come out of it so think positive. I hope you feel brighter tomorrow.
Jan
Well the ward round has come and gone. I was advised that the anti psychotic was given in error and they apologise. Whilst I was talking to the consultant, the accompanying nurse raised his eyebrows to the junior doctor to show his boredom of hearing it all before. I was unceremoniously put well in my place over the obviously stupid questions that I asked. They are also sorry for the mix up about changing their stance on whether mum should go home or care home. It was an awful humiliating experience. I am ashamed that I didn't assert myself properly and I feel a bit like a wounded animal sckulking away. I can't explain all the other stuff that is happening, there is just too much. I feel sick and mithered. I have a peculiar feeling rather like something dreadful is about to happen. I feel it's too much. I apologise for being self indulgent and moaning so much. I am not looking for sympathy I just wanted to get it all out. I have now done that and I am going to bed with a hot water bottle.
PALS at the hospital
Hi,
I've just joined the forum and read your post. My father has been in hospital for over a month now admitted from his residential care home, where he has been for four happy years. He had pneumonia and recovered and was going to be allowed back to his care home but after acquiring at least three different infections I have now been told, albeit unofficially that he will have to go into nursing care. I really had to push to see a doctor and physio today having been mucked about by various professionals and given conflicting advice. I sent an email in desperation to PALS which is a Patient Alliance Liaision service within the hospital and the response from them has been fantastic. I now feel that I will be listened to and that the right course of action for my dad will be taken on board! Its taken nearly three weeks to get to this so persevere and see if your hospital has this set up, you can email or phone. It has been a huge relief for me to know that my voice is now being heard!!!!!!!!!!Good Luck!
Hi,
I've just joined the forum and read your post. My father has been in hospital for over a month now admitted from his residential care home, where he has been for four happy years. He had pneumonia and recovered and was going to be allowed back to his care home but after acquiring at least three different infections I have now been told, albeit unofficially that he will have to go into nursing care. I really had to push to see a doctor and physio today having been mucked about by various professionals and given conflicting advice. I sent an email in desperation to PALS which is a Patient Alliance Liaision service within the hospital and the response from them has been fantastic. I now feel that I will be listened to and that the right course of action for my dad will be taken on board! Its taken nearly three weeks to get to this so persevere and see if your hospital has this set up, you can email or phone. It has been a huge relief for me to know that my voice is now being heard!!!!!!!!!!Good Luck!
Last edited:
Groundnut, I so know what you mean about the heartbreaking choice to have to withdraw to force them to act. It is so wrong to have to consider such a choice to make them act but sometimes it really is the only choice they leave you. My father and I had to do this with my mother in order to force the psychiatrists to properly assess her and get her onto a ward for treatment, and even then it was a very slow process. We were pushed to take that choice because we were both exhausted looking after her and she wasn't getting better from staying at home like the psychiatric team had been cheerfully telling us she would.
Also, the nurses and doctors are practised at being condescending, you shouldn't blame yourself, it takes a while to get into the habit of glaring at them when they pull the condescending look on you. (I was totally rattled by the nurse who kept pretty much mocking me when I explained why I needed to replace my mother as next of kin during my granddad's last few weeks...then the nurses went and stopped treatment and switched him to palliative without so much as a how-do-you-do to me or my grandmother, which made me furious and humiliated the poor nurse who found out I'd not been informed.)
So yep my long winded message is over, and all I really want to say is hold on, be strong, do what your heart tells you IS BEST. And above all, look after yourself, treat yourself because you're doing a great job.
Also, not all nurses are evil, I can promise that. There are a few angels still left in the nursing profession and I hope you find them.
Helen
Also, the nurses and doctors are practised at being condescending, you shouldn't blame yourself, it takes a while to get into the habit of glaring at them when they pull the condescending look on you. (I was totally rattled by the nurse who kept pretty much mocking me when I explained why I needed to replace my mother as next of kin during my granddad's last few weeks...then the nurses went and stopped treatment and switched him to palliative without so much as a how-do-you-do to me or my grandmother, which made me furious and humiliated the poor nurse who found out I'd not been informed.)
So yep my long winded message is over, and all I really want to say is hold on, be strong, do what your heart tells you IS BEST. And above all, look after yourself, treat yourself because you're doing a great job.
Also, not all nurses are evil, I can promise that. There are a few angels still left in the nursing profession and I hope you find them.
Helen
