Social worker visit.

[Jillm]

In a nutshell the meeting was a blur. I told the SW what I did and what mum could do and she filled a lot of forms in.
I was sitting there telling this woman about my mum and it hit me. This horrid disease is taking my mum away. I know she is still my mum and I also know that all of you reading this understand. But it hit me today and apart from the SW saying she is sending someone round for an hour on a Friday for me to have time on my own as my daughter is at nursery. I don't remember anything else. I think she said instead of her assessing us for six weeks she was going to suggest a long term SW start straight away. But apart from that its a blur. Mum got very upset during it and started shouting she is not going in a home. Which we both said she was not. I calmed mum down explaining why the SW was there. Which. I had done several times that morning bless her. but she got so wound up that she was sick. My two year old played the ' I'm two therefore I can play up' card. So with all this going on and mum's illness hitting me I did not take much in. I'm hoping the long term SW is assigned soon then we can have another meeting.

 

[timthumb]

I know it can be like that ..... If you can remember ask for a copy of what was written
Sounds like you had some sort of assessment ...
Make sure you have a carers assessment done and tell it how it is on the worst day
Please get as much help as you can we all need it

 

[Tolkny]

I calmed mum down explaining why the SW was there.

We have hit a crisis, today. (if you have the patience to read on, this post is related to the one I am answering)

Having had mother in law having urinary incontinence problems, possibly connected with infections, and being treated by medication, all seemed improving, particularly as she is not incontinent when at home or with us. However, it turns out there have been a lot more difficulties at Day Centre, which is critical in occupying her time 4 days a week, because there just are not the resources in the family and elsewhere to give her the attention she needs, we discovered today, that Day Centre have very reasonably refused to have her back until and unless we can get control of these difficulties, which we now understand are not uncommon, but don't happen to all.

A new Respite Care Home, search has been going on, because of staff changes at the last one, made it less than suitable. Day Centre Manager, suggested maybe a period of Residential Respite will help for a week or two. Miraculously, the Respite home has an unexpected vacancy, they were willing to come and do an assessment within two hours of the call, so there we all were at Mum's home (she lives independently - just - with a lot of daily support carers morning and evening etc.)

The excellent Residential Care Manager, collecting information to assess whether Mum is manageable and what she needs to know, Mum obviously keep not realising who this stranger is, keeps mouthing 'why is she here?' type questions - umpteen times - which we did not answer directly - because she would be distressed and forget the answer - (it is at this point) I am directly identifying with the post I am answering) - calmly and repeatedly 10 -20 times just says a version of, I just need to know some stuff so we can help, 'but I don't need any help' - 'we all need some help' by which time she has forgotten who the kind visitor is and another practical question can be dealt with and so we continue.

This is how it is with my MIL's dementia - I now realise 3 or 4 years on, how much energy was wasted trying to explain things to her, that she is still basically the same, kind person she always was, but she cannot possibly manage her own affairs anymore.

Hard as it is to accept such things that seems to be the reality of most dementias that I am discovering, and if we focus on doing the best with how things are it minimises stress.

It sounds good a permanent Social Worker is to be appointed, shame that there are all these bank holidays coming up, but perhaps there is a bit more hope on the horizon, I hope the situation remains manageable before the Social Worker is able to make suggestions that might allow a bit more time for the family to be supported.

Before dealing with the unexpected meeting we had today - I was helped by reading the suggested does and don'ts list posted up here again yesterday, which I aim to link now. We are very fortunate - Respite is probably going to be available from tomorrow (actually later today!) and hopefully at this nursing home the infections can be more closely monitored and we can look forward to MIL returning home to go back to the day centre, once the incontinence is tackled as it seems probably physical and not as can occur, a part of the dementia.

http://www.agelessdesign.com/Library/InfoManage/Zoom.asp?InfoID=296&RedirectPath=Add1&FolderID=104%20&SessionID={8796F59E-3FDD-46D4-BB6C-53453491FFB2}&InfoGroup=Main&InfoType=Article&SP=2

I know there are other links and discussions about this information in Talking Point but I can't find them right now, but can find the original and post it up in the hope that other readers who have not seen it elsewhere will find it as useful as I did today.

Accepting that our loved ones, cannot communicate as they did before is very hard, but if they have the progressive form of dementia, THAT IS HOW IT IS and if we can adapt to it (they can't consciously adapt to anything anymore) it does help the situation - in my experience!

 

[cragmaid]

Hiya, did you make a note of the visiting SW's name? You could try ringing on Tuesday, or Wednesday (might be better on Wed., after a long weekend they have a lot to catch up with) and just ask for a quick precis of what was agreed and discussed, telling her that Mum and the terrible two made it difficult to take it all in. They are human and should be able to read the situation correctly, that you are not looking for it all to happen straight away but just what was likely to happen. Bye, Maureen.

 

[cmnotz]

I agree - a call to the Social Worker ...

... you will not be alone, many family members find it hard to take in the factual part of the discussion because it is very emotive talking about someone you love going through this cruel illness.

And yes your newly assigned SW should invite you to a meeting early on - you might find it helpful to ask for a meeting on your own with them as well as a meeting with them and Mum, but don;t give up your precious hour's respite as for another one just as a one off for your meeting.

Cathy