Dear Keith
I read your post when you were awake nearly all night coping with your wife's confusion and I felt so much for you. My husband went into a care home a year ago and before that he too was losing track of time and would wander about in the middle of the night. I know how exhausting it can be caring for a loved one and I know that at the moment you must be feeling lost and confused and probably frightened as well.
I think the first thing to tell yourself is that she is in the best place to get the care she needs. As others have said, these assessments are really useful and carried out in a kind and caring manner and hopefully consideration will be given not only to her needs, but to yours as well.
On the day before my husband had the stroke which finally dictated that he needed full-time professional care, I had decided I would go to see our GP and say that I could not cope any more. But of course we are always so reluctant to do this, because it feels like such a betrayal of the person we love. But in the end - after extensive counselling - I was able to recognise that the care he receives now is far better than that which I could give him.
I think between now and Sunday, you should use the time you are given to rest and regain your strength. I found the possibility of just getting out and going for a walk without having to worry about what I would find when I got back was quite exhilarating. So rather than sitting wringing your hands and being frightened, take one day at a time and give yourself little targets of things that either need doing or things that you want to do. That way, on Sunday, you will hopefully feel stronger and more able to deal with the situation. And don't torture yourself with 'wild imaginings' - a day at a time, a step at a time, and deal with things as they present themselves. For a few days, try living in the 'now' and enjoy that little piece of quiet you have.
Thinking of you,
GS
