losing my cool

[hw00001]

im sorry i need to get this off my chest, my gran has been diagnosed with dementia for a good few years and she is now in the final stages of it. but at the moment im just feeling so depresd and down and guilty that i cant do anything to make it better i hate the fact that she is in a nursing home even tho i no its for the best and i hate the fact that she has not got a peg in even tho i no it was the correct desion and im just missing her like hell and i want my gran to be back the way she was even tho i no its never going to happen. i just dont know what my parents or my grandpa expect of me right now, they seem to be swaping between treating me like a kid and not giving me hardley any info at all and then asking me my openion on really huge desions (im only 18!). im sorry to rant and i no it could be worse and i have no right to moan im just having a bad day sorry. am i just being stupied?

 

[Amy]

Hiya hw0001,
No you are not being stupid at all - me , I'm old enough to be your mum, and my mum is like your grandma, and after visiting her last night I wanted to rant.
It is so hard seeing those that we love, so very poorly. And no doubt gran and parents don't know how to treat you, they want to protect you at times, so treat you as a child, and then I suspect that when they are struggling with decisions, they value your opinion as a young adult, they value the support that you can give them - I think that is what I do with my teenage sons at times. And being honest, there are probably times when your parent, and grandparent, feel bereft like a child, and so lean on you. It's confusing for us 'oldies' as well. We make these decisions (eg nursing home) because we have to - but then we too are wracked with doubts, wishing things were different - back as they should be. So hw00001 - you are not being stupid, you have every right to moan - because your moan is just a way of expressing your hurt. Pleased you found TP; post whenever you wish.
Love Helen

 

[Kathleen]

Of course you feel depressed, helpless and want your Gran back as she was, you love her.

We found out really early into Mum's illness that the unknown is the scary part so we have always been open with our daughters, our 7 year old gets a "child friendly" version though.

The hardest part of being a parent is seeing our children upset and not knowing why, so speak to them, tell them exactly how you feel.

Hopefully it will make you feel a bit better about the situation.

Best wishes

Kathleen

 

[hw00001]

thank u

thank you guys im feeling a bit better now.

 

[Margarita]

Amy well said

and then I suspect that when they are struggling with decisions, they value your opinion as a young adult, they value the support that you can give them - I think that is what I do with my teenage sons at times. And being honest, there are probably times when your parent, and grandparent, feel bereft like a child, and so lean on you.

hw00001 thanks for shareing your views My Younger daughter is 19 I wonder if she feeling like you. I just forget about there feeling, (I have 4 young adult) because I am so wrap up in mine about my mum .

 

[Lila13]

I'm 50+ yet was still treated as a child when not allowed to go to the care review and the 2nd memory clinic, though as an adult when it was my fault if my mother did anything dangerous, also at the funeral.

Lila