Reached rock bottom

[Skye]

Being a non-confrontational sort of person, I suppose the written word has become my strong point. I am liable to falter and lose the strength of my convictions when face to face

Nan, that was me too!

I was painfully shy when I was younger, and always walked away from confrontation.

But I had to learn to stand my ground to ensure that John got the care he needed, and that has given me the confidence to stand up for myself now. I still panic when I have to do it, but I do it!

They say whatever doesn't kill you, makes you strong! One of the few plusses of what we Have all gone through.

Love,

 

[piedwarbler]

Just saying hi nan and sending hugs to help you through your day x

 

[Helen33]

Morning Nan,

I have been spending considerable time with the counsellor dealing with trauma. Having to be so confrontational in my caring role for both Alan and my sister contributed hugely to the trauma for me. I remember being faced with situations I would never want to deal with again in my life and I had to say things I would never want to say again. I did it because I had to for their sake but I didn't find it at all easy.

I always think of you as I read the situations that you are faced with and feel a kind of kinship.

Love and wishing you one of those days that prove to be a little less challenging

Love

 

[grobertson62]

morning Nan
here's hoping you have a good visit with Brian today

you are someone to be admired for standing up for what you know is RIGHT

sometimes we ( or should that be I?) is anything for a quiet life

This should not be anything we sit back & take lightly
It is easy to be intimidated by people deemed to be in authority
you have not let them, I should take a leaf out of your book

so Thank you

Gill

 

[burfordthecat]

Hi Nan

Just catching up with your thread. I am so pleased for you that Brian was able to say "I love you". That will make a page in your memory book which you will never forget.

I applaud you for standing your ground and making the complaint. I too have horrible memories of when my dad was admitted to hospital. He had been brought in by ambulance first thing in the morning from his CH...and no-one at the hospital had thought to offer him a drink or sandwich. Luckily I was visiting in the afternoon and was able to get something sorted. The attitude of the staff was disgusting...as if I was making a such a fuss and questioning his need to eat as lunch time was long past. I would not have been asking is someone had thought to feed him.

I hope you and Brian have another good visit today. I'll check in on you later.

love Carina x x

 

[Nan2seven]

Oh, fie, Fiona! (Sorry - just couldn't resist that ...) Me a great crusader? Well - if I am, it is because I have had the full force of the members of TP with me - and our dear Matthew, of course. I do spend a lot of time typing, in my diary, in my posts here and in my blog. I have to discipline myself not to write everything out three times over. If it's not in one place, I know I can find it in another ... Thank you for all of your kind comments.

Dear Hazel - Yes, I was very shy, too. And unsure about offering my opinion on most things in company - but living with Brian all these years (it is our 51st anniversary on Saturday), I gradually overcame that. But still avoided confrontations. Feel I may not find it quite so difficult if a "next time" arises.

Thank you, Pied. All hugs gratefully received. My, how I miss proper hugs.

Dear Helen, I joined TP rather towards the end of your story with Alan. I was always much moved by your posts. You have had more than your fair share of caring, as have one or two other TP'ers out there who soldier on still. "A kind of kinship." That so touched me, Helen. I wish you all happiness.

Dear Gill - I really am not used to this role of "inspiring" other people. I feel very ordinary, was a little frightened at the time, but very angry at the hospital's neglect of Brian on that particular day, Friday, 27th March. One might almost say "the worm turned". Only yesterday I learned that a nurse had said "I must order some cream for Brian's sore spot in his groin", when all she really had had to do was go to a cupboard somewhere in the corridor and get it herself - which yesterday's (male) nurse did. In future, I will QUESTION why such a thing could not be dealt with on the spot.

Dear Carina - Brian has several times been admitted through A & E and it seems not to occur to the nursing staff to enquire when he last ate. This strikes me as so odd and it clearly happened to your dear dad as well. Brian was fast asleep when I visited this morning (due, I think, to the new anti-psychotic they are giving him at night.) I will go back later this afternoon. I then went on to visit a care home.

I have rung the CHC team and have said I am happy for Brian to go to the care home they have suggested, if the CH are happy to have Brian. She (CHC lady) told me the CH have already assessed Brian (in hospital? No-one told me about that - perhaps they are glad to see the back of Brian, who knows?) and that he might be being moved there as soon as this coming Friday. Crimes. Day after tomorrow. His last CH has lost pajamas, vests and a good quality woollen zip-up jacket. (I have chased it up, but no go.) Think I will go and do some shopping this afternoon so I have time to sew in new name-labels. (Have posted a little more detail on the CH on dear Loopiloo's thread.)

My love and thanks to all of you who continue to post.
Love, Nan XXX

 

[Skye]

Nan, good luck with the CH. I hope it turns out better than the last one. Can't be worse than the hospital, with the exception of your lovely nurse. Pity you can't take him with you.

Good luck with the name tapes too, that's a never-ending job. I lost count of the number of times I had to re-order. Nothing seems to last long once the CH laundry gets hold of it!

Love,

 

[Loopiloo]

Only yesterday I learned that a nurse had said "I must order some cream for Brian's sore spot in his groin", when all she really had had to do was go to a cupboard somewhere in the corridor and get it herself - which yesterday's (male) nurse did. In future, I will QUESTION why such a thing could not be dealt with on the spot.

We live and learn don't we, and once learned you never forget.

(Have posted a little more detail on the CH on dear Loopiloo's thread.)

I'm not long in from visiting Henry then some shopping, shall go and read it. I do hope all goes well with the care home, as Hazel said it can't be worse than the hospital.

Thoughts and love
Loo xx

 

[thatwoman]

Dear Nan,

I do hope the move to the care home goes well. I know I'm much happier that Dad is cared for properly in his nursing home. It makes visiting much easier when you can just call in when you want to, not when you feel you need to, to make sure your loved one is fed.
I hope you're not overdoing it. It's been a rollercoaster of a week for you, hasn't it?

Love and hugs,

Sue xxx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Nan

It sounds as if all your hard work and efforts for Brian have been successful. I hope so. Sad it had to be like this though, almost adding insult to injury.
I do hope you will soon have time to recover your own health and strength Nan.

 

[Nan2seven]

Thank you Hazel, Loo, Sue and Sylvia for your posts.

The lady from the care home arrived this morning at the nurses' station, when I was at Brian's bedside. A nurse fetched me to be introduced to her. She had a large file under her arm, presumably Brian's, and seemed about to leave. (The curtains were pulled around Brian's bed and he was being shaved, prior to be washed and changed.)

"Do come and say hallo to Brian" I said, and in she came. "Brian, this is P--" I said. "She's come to say hallo." "Hallo, P--." "How are you, Brian?" "A bit worried about my ..... Can't see too well." (This was something new. Will cover it in my blog.) "We'll try and sort that out" I said. "P-- has to go now, but you will be seeing her again." "Okay. Bye." P. may be a little surprised when she reads how challenging Brian has been towards the staff over the last month, I thought.

Before she left the bedside, though, she asked the nurse "Is he physically well and ready for discharge?" "Oh yes" said the nurse. "When do you think you could take him?" "Probably Monday" was P's reply. Not Friday, then, as first suggested by the CHC Team.

It is still only an assessment. I hope the transfer to the care home goes through. The daily two two-hour-long visits are beginning to take their toll, but Brian's big smile of greeting when I walk through the ward doorway (if he is awake) is pretty addictive.

It is a good job I am fit and well. I thank my lucky stars that I am. It is a few days since I last did a run (a jog would be more accurate), but think I am more than covering the same distances with all my walking to and from the hospital. And I can at least ensure a good night's sleep with the pills from our GP.

Am off now to update my blog. Thank you all again.

Love, Nan XXX
,

 

[piedwarbler]

You're pretty amazing Nan, sending you another hug just to show I am keeping up with your thread and following all your news. xx

 

[Nan2seven]

Ah, Pied, thank you.
Night-night.
Love, Nan XXX

 

[Izzy]

I hope things go well with the move Nan and that you had a good sleep last night. xx

 

[littlegem]

Hello Nan,Good morning,

Just wishing you and Brian all the best and hope the move goes Ok.
Take care of yourself, you have had a terrible time and hopefully it's behing you both now.

xxx

 

[Nan2seven]

Thank you, Izzy. Yes, I slept well.
Thank you, too, littlegem. (I can remember Dave Allen always finishing off his shows with "May your God go with you" and always liked it then, years ago. Like it even more now.)
Love, Nan XXX

 

[Grannie G]

Good morning Nan

I wish you and Brian well for the move and for whatever the future holds.
You are having such a rough ride I really don`t know how you have managed. All I know is how full of admiration I am for you.
I haven`t had a quarter of your battle but know what my battle did to me.
I just needed to make contact. xx

 

[Christin]

I just want to see 'Hello' too.

You are amazing, Nan, and please don't ever forget that.

I hope everything begins to calm down for you soon and you are able to begin looking after yourself again too.

My very best wishes to you and Brian xx

 

[flowerpot]

Hi, I've just been catching up with all of this. You're amazing. Hope everything goes well. Thinking of you xxx

 

[larivy]

Hi nan really hope the moves goes well for both of you
You sure do deserve it love larivy