Sorting Through

Carer1

Registered User
Jul 26, 2010
92
0
Manchester
Hi Folks, Not been on for a while. Have finally been attending Bereavement Counselling (which took 4 months to come through). Didn't know what to expect so went in with an open mind.

Good to be with like minded people in a similar situation which helps. Strange too how several of us lost loved ones all in the same month! Some of the group have not returned since the first session and a new one started this week so.....

Have been given 'homework' to do which has helped so I've been sorting through my dad's papers and things too which has meant tears flowing and emotions being drawn to the surface and the grieving process has finally been put into motion - which is good and has been helped by the counselling. Hence my being able to do what I'm doing. Found some scary bits... ie; a possible step family but will never know.... part of me is angry that I missed out on him and another family may have had him as a dad! Nothing I can do though! Now starting to draw up a picture of what he did in the years I hadn't seen him but tiny jigsaw pieces slowly being found.

Hadn't realised how many pensioners rights groups he was on or that he played darts and such before he became ill - but no idea when that was!

There will always be a huge gap... can't fill that one, but memories will be of how I remember him. Putting the bad ones to bed in the basement so to speak...

Once it's done what's left will be put in a box in the attic with my mum's and other memories.

thanks for listening..

regards
xxxx
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
0
Yorkshire
Nadine, hi
Good to hear from you and that the beeavement counselling is helping, it's strange how the right time does arrive and give you motivation.
Good luck with the jigsaw and I hope there are enough pieces for you to make up a lovely picture and feel settled.
Take good care of yourself, sending postives vibes to help you on this stage of the journey, from Jo
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,936
0
North East England
Don't put the bad memories in a box in the basement..you may be tempted to peep once in a while. Throw them out and save the good ones carefully. It's amazing the things we find out about our family once the've gone. I had never been parted from mine, but I found out after he died that Dad had been engaged before he met and married my Mum, He still had a picture of her. Hang on tight to the good ones, Maureen.x.
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,097
0
Costa Blanca Spain
In some ways it is good that you are lerning new things about your dad, new things which show what a broad spectrum of thing he was interested in. I quite like the suprise of,'I didn't know that'.

Did the step family come as a shock. It is amazing how complicated families can be.

I'm sure the counselling sessions are also going to widen your cicle in many ways as well as you helping to draw on and give support from/to others.

xxTinaT

xxTinaT
 

Carer1

Registered User
Jul 26, 2010
92
0
Manchester
Don't put the bad memories in a box in the basement..you may be tempted to peep once in a while. Throw them out and save the good ones carefully.

Thanks Maureen, I AM going to throw the bad memories away.... hence the basement thought thing.....

I have a very rare photo of him, it's one of him holding my hand in his and dancing with me at my wedding 30+ years ago, that's how I'll remember him. That was the second time I had seen him in my adult life after far too many years apart.

regards
 

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,720
0
North Derbyshire
Hi Carer 1. As a member of this forum for about 5 years, and a family history researcher, if you want some help in looking into your dad's possible other family, let me know.

I might be able to help.

Love

Margaret