Hello - just need to talk about my Mum - She is 82 years old and has been getting forgetful for around a year. She had a fall last October, luckily she did not break anything, but hit her head. Since then she has had 'moments' which can last from a couple of days to about a week where she has sleep disturbances which I assume rightly or wrong to mean she has bad dreams and what she has dreamed about becomes reality i.e. cooking dinner for my Dad who has been dead for 23 years. She gets up in the middle of the night and then calls either me or her neighbour who is 85 to ask where she is. Then later she is as sharp as anything. She has had two MMSE tests, the first when she seemed like old Mum she scored 25, the second was taken after a bad night she scored 23, the doctors have referred her to the hospital and the appointment is in 3 weeks time. She is aware of when she has her bad times and apologises for calling in the night. I am divorced and live 20 miles from her and call her 4-5 times a day to check to see if she is OK, but it is hard as I work full time and visit 1-2 times a week to take her shopping and to do anything around the house that she needs. She still cooks and cleans for herself and can still write cheques out and even remembers her PIN number. I just do not understand how she can be so clear one minute and confused the next and she laughs about her bad days which is more than I can do at the moment. I just hope the hospital can help. Sorry for the long post, but had to get this off my chest. I just have to say how I admire all you lovely people who are in worse situations then me. Thank you
Just need to talk about Mum
- Thread starter rosiek
- Start date
Have been through this
Hi Roseik,
My mother is nearly 81 and she scored around 25 on the MMSE test around 6 years ago. Last december her score was down to 12 from 16 the year before but she still lives alone at home with carer's help and my sister and I doing as much as we can.
She can make tea and toast for herself but that is about it and doesn't really clean at all now, even when we are doing it for her, or wash clothes or herself without prompting.
She also gets confused about my father, asking where he is (he died 14 years ago) and her dog who died 2 years ago, but when I explain that 'we lost dad' she is fine and remembers for a minute or two.
She is on Aricept, a drug to slow down loss of memory, but this won't be prescribed once she scores 10 or under.
We managed to get her into a day centre two days a week, run by Age Concern (now AgeUK) for people with dementia etc. which has been fantastic for her. It gives her a social life, trips out now and again, activities and she has meals there too. I can't praise it enough.
We also take her shopping once a week and have her for dinner and for a meal on another day too, plus I pop in when I can. My sister does likewise. I am lucky that Mum is only a few minutes away, but even so it can be quite draining at times.
I would see if you can get carer's to help her via social services and give you some peace of mind so that you can phone a little less - see her GP about it in the first instance.
My Mum has had problems with urinary infections which can make her completely ga-ga (not meaning to be rude - just accurate!), but a day or two on antibiotics see her back to normal.
The mood swings and confusion then normality seem to be part of it all and the best thing is never to contradict or argue because it only upsets everyone and to no purpose. Reassurance and love is what she needs.
It's not all doom and gloom and it is a matter of going with the flow and doing your best without burning yourself out. Mum has kept her sense of humour and we still have laugh and she loves singing and she has been introduced to music therapy through the AgeUK centre which she loves.
Hope this helps a little.
Ajayel
PS I am a son and carer.
Hi Roseik,
My mother is nearly 81 and she scored around 25 on the MMSE test around 6 years ago. Last december her score was down to 12 from 16 the year before but she still lives alone at home with carer's help and my sister and I doing as much as we can.
She can make tea and toast for herself but that is about it and doesn't really clean at all now, even when we are doing it for her, or wash clothes or herself without prompting.
She also gets confused about my father, asking where he is (he died 14 years ago) and her dog who died 2 years ago, but when I explain that 'we lost dad' she is fine and remembers for a minute or two.
She is on Aricept, a drug to slow down loss of memory, but this won't be prescribed once she scores 10 or under.
We managed to get her into a day centre two days a week, run by Age Concern (now AgeUK) for people with dementia etc. which has been fantastic for her. It gives her a social life, trips out now and again, activities and she has meals there too. I can't praise it enough.
We also take her shopping once a week and have her for dinner and for a meal on another day too, plus I pop in when I can. My sister does likewise. I am lucky that Mum is only a few minutes away, but even so it can be quite draining at times.
I would see if you can get carer's to help her via social services and give you some peace of mind so that you can phone a little less - see her GP about it in the first instance.
My Mum has had problems with urinary infections which can make her completely ga-ga (not meaning to be rude - just accurate!), but a day or two on antibiotics see her back to normal.
The mood swings and confusion then normality seem to be part of it all and the best thing is never to contradict or argue because it only upsets everyone and to no purpose. Reassurance and love is what she needs.
It's not all doom and gloom and it is a matter of going with the flow and doing your best without burning yourself out. Mum has kept her sense of humour and we still have laugh and she loves singing and she has been introduced to music therapy through the AgeUK centre which she loves.
Hope this helps a little.
Ajayel
PS I am a son and carer.
Hallo Rosiek and welcome to TP. I hope you get some diagnosis for your mum soon and that something is done to help her so that some of the pressure is taken off you. It is good that your mum is laughing at it but also taking it seriously enough that she is going along to all the appointments.
Being unpredictable is very wearing, and something a lot of us here are familiar with. I hope things get better soon, keep posting,
Pippa x
Being unpredictable is very wearing, and something a lot of us here are familiar with. I hope things get better soon, keep posting,
Pippa x
Hello Rosiek
Welcome to TP
I know how worried you must be .
It must be so hard for you not only not knowing what is wrong , hoping and praying its not what you fear but also being a distance away from your mum and all that entails.
You must be exhausted.
Hopefully you will find as I have , TP is a wonderful place for support , advice and a good place to put your worries n feelings ,
Its something we all need to do .
Please keep posting also let us know how mum gets on
Welcome to TP
I know how worried you must be .
It must be so hard for you not only not knowing what is wrong , hoping and praying its not what you fear but also being a distance away from your mum and all that entails.
You must be exhausted.
Hopefully you will find as I have , TP is a wonderful place for support , advice and a good place to put your worries n feelings ,
Its something we all need to do .
Please keep posting also let us know how mum gets on
Hello RosieK,
My mum's cognition fluctuates through the day, or day to day, with no set pattern or trigger. She can be as sharp as anything at certain times, at others she is struggling to remember how to get to her bathroom... but it seems to pass fairly quickly for now.
Her mmse scores were good, it was the other tests she didn't do so well in - so cognitive and executive function problems rather than memory.
She has Lewy Body Dementia, and this fluctuation is just part of her particular type of dementia.
She lives on her own, but has carers twice a day to help wash/dress/breakfast, and to see her to bed. She also has lunch delivered.
As much as for her physical welfare the carers also act as a watching eye should anything have gone wrong, or if she is behaving particularly oddly or differently from the previous visit.
Your mum sounds as though she is still coping pretty well right now - even with her on/off moments - unless you feel she might come to harm during an off time? If that is the case, maybe it is the right time to think about carers even if it is more a case of keeping an eye and just making sure she is ok?
Good luck
My mum's cognition fluctuates through the day, or day to day, with no set pattern or trigger. She can be as sharp as anything at certain times, at others she is struggling to remember how to get to her bathroom... but it seems to pass fairly quickly for now.
Her mmse scores were good, it was the other tests she didn't do so well in - so cognitive and executive function problems rather than memory.
She has Lewy Body Dementia, and this fluctuation is just part of her particular type of dementia.
She lives on her own, but has carers twice a day to help wash/dress/breakfast, and to see her to bed. She also has lunch delivered.
As much as for her physical welfare the carers also act as a watching eye should anything have gone wrong, or if she is behaving particularly oddly or differently from the previous visit.
Your mum sounds as though she is still coping pretty well right now - even with her on/off moments - unless you feel she might come to harm during an off time? If that is the case, maybe it is the right time to think about carers even if it is more a case of keeping an eye and just making sure she is ok?
Good luck
Hello again and thank you for your messages of support, I now know I am not alone in this. It means a lot to me.
Today has been a good day for Mum, she has been out to her bowls club this afternoon and she really enjoyed herself. Her friends are coming on Sunday to take her to church which she is really looking forward to. So hopefully the next few days will see her back to her old self. She did say to me when I called her tonight that I sounded very down and out, I just said I had been very busy at work, not letting on that I am not really sleeping very well as I keep waking up expecting the phone call. I will learn to handle the bad moments in time, but it is all still very new to me. Anyway thank you all again.
Thinking of you all
Rosie xx
Today has been a good day for Mum, she has been out to her bowls club this afternoon and she really enjoyed herself. Her friends are coming on Sunday to take her to church which she is really looking forward to. So hopefully the next few days will see her back to her old self. She did say to me when I called her tonight that I sounded very down and out, I just said I had been very busy at work, not letting on that I am not really sleeping very well as I keep waking up expecting the phone call. I will learn to handle the bad moments in time, but it is all still very new to me. Anyway thank you all again.
Thinking of you all
Rosie xx
Update on Mum - things had been progressively getting worse and to cut a long story short she is now in hospital after collapsing at home with a kidney infection a week ago today.She is now on a ward for the elderly, has had a brain scan and has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. Since Wednesday she has been semi conscious, although recognises me, has to be fed as she will not feed herself, and does not eat much though and does not drink much. Her eyes are sunken and I do not think she will be with us for much longer. I can't stop crying and hate to see her like this
I'm really sorry to read about your mum, rosiek. It must be so distressing for you to see your mum looking so poorly.
You probably know this already, but if this is indeed the last days of your mum's life, it would be good to be comforting her as much as possible. Can you visit with family or a friend and try to make contact with your mum? Even holding her hand will be a comfort but if you are able to help with hydrating her, you might (I only say might) be surprised at the turn around.
Thinking of you today. Kind regards Deborah
You probably know this already, but if this is indeed the last days of your mum's life, it would be good to be comforting her as much as possible. Can you visit with family or a friend and try to make contact with your mum? Even holding her hand will be a comfort but if you are able to help with hydrating her, you might (I only say might) be surprised at the turn around.
Thinking of you today. Kind regards Deborah
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Hello RosieK,
So sorry to hear of your Mum's downturn - I am not surprised that you are feeling very emotional, it is a very scary time.
Miracles can happen - but always remember that your Mum can hear you, no matter how unresponsive she appears, so keep talking to her. It feels a bit one sided, but if there's not much else you can do for her physically right now at least you can comfort her in her dreams.
Best wishes xxx
So sorry to hear of your Mum's downturn - I am not surprised that you are feeling very emotional, it is a very scary time.
Miracles can happen - but always remember that your Mum can hear you, no matter how unresponsive she appears, so keep talking to her. It feels a bit one sided, but if there's not much else you can do for her physically right now at least you can comfort her in her dreams.
Best wishes xxx
Dear Rosiek
I am so sorry to hear about your mum .
This is such a distressing time for you and my heart goes out to you
I want to reassure you that your mum can hear you , talk to your mum about past times that were good , tell her how much you love her . This will give your mum much comfort as will stroking and holding her hand .
You must also look after youself rest when you can ,eat even if you dont feel like it and let the unimportant things wait
Pouring out on here helps too .
Love to you xxxx
I am so sorry to hear about your mum .
This is such a distressing time for you and my heart goes out to you
I want to reassure you that your mum can hear you , talk to your mum about past times that were good , tell her how much you love her . This will give your mum much comfort as will stroking and holding her hand .
You must also look after youself rest when you can ,eat even if you dont feel like it and let the unimportant things wait
Pouring out on here helps too .
Love to you xxxx
Went to hospital tonight dreading every step into the ward, I was literally feeling sick and there was Mum sitting up in bed, rosy cheeked - she smiled when she saw me and said ' where have you been then' what can you say :rolleye
How long have I been in here she says to me, I must get you to meet the nurses who have been lovely to me!!!!!. What a rollercoaster of emotions. It was good to see her happy albeit a tad confused Today was a good day after a week of going downhill.
Thinking of you all who have not had such a good day, I know exactly what you are going through
Rosiek xx
How long have I been in here she says to me, I must get you to meet the nurses who have been lovely to me!!!!!. What a rollercoaster of emotions. It was good to see her happy albeit a tad confused Today was a good day after a week of going downhill.
Thinking of you all who have not had such a good day, I know exactly what you are going through
Rosiek xx
HI Rosie,
I am relieved that your mum has bounced back. You are in for an interesting ride, both you and your mum. But it sounds like you still have lots of good times to come. Get as much sleep as you can and chill out as much as you can with your family and friends in between visiting your mum. Carers can help enormously, even if they only come in once in the morning (I asked for a 10.00 am slot so that mum didn't have to be rushed in the morning and I knew that someone would pop in whilst I was at work, but everyone's circumstances are different)enjoy your mum and don't even try to be superwoman because it just wears you out. Things always change from time to time,just take things day by day and always, always, ask for help wherever you can.
Best wishes to you,
I am relieved that your mum has bounced back. You are in for an interesting ride, both you and your mum. But it sounds like you still have lots of good times to come. Get as much sleep as you can and chill out as much as you can with your family and friends in between visiting your mum. Carers can help enormously, even if they only come in once in the morning (I asked for a 10.00 am slot so that mum didn't have to be rushed in the morning and I knew that someone would pop in whilst I was at work, but everyone's circumstances are different)enjoy your mum and don't even try to be superwoman because it just wears you out. Things always change from time to time,just take things day by day and always, always, ask for help wherever you can.
Best wishes to you,
Hi Rosiek,
My Mum has vascular dementia, too. Her deterioration was very gradual and for about 4 years after diagnosis she managed to live alone just with help from me. She, too, dropped back sharply after a fall. She did not get much worse for another couple of years, however.
I had a worrying experience with Mum in hospital just before Christmas when I thought I was losing her so I know exactly what you have been going through. However she, too, bounced back. Any kind of infection or trauma intensifies confusion and the confusion makes it harder to treat the infection. Things can, therefore, seem much worse and, in my experience, many doctors and nurses take an unnecessarily gloomy view just because of the dementia diagnosis. It is clear your mum has a lot to live for with you and your family caring for her. I am sure that is part of the reason she has bounced back so well.
There is no reason why you and your mum cannot have many good years yet. Even now, 8 years since diagnosis, Mum can have clearer spells when the old Mum comes through.
I am so glad your mum is getting better and hope she will be home soon. Then it is just a case of taking each day as it comes, enjoying the good ones and getting as much help as possible to cope with the bad ones. I will not pretend it will be easy because it isn't. It is stressful, physically and emotionally exhausting at times and you need to look after your own health. There are still happy times ahead, though, so don't get too downcast.
I hope you get a better nights sleep, now you have seen your Mum so much brighter.
Jan
My Mum has vascular dementia, too. Her deterioration was very gradual and for about 4 years after diagnosis she managed to live alone just with help from me. She, too, dropped back sharply after a fall. She did not get much worse for another couple of years, however.
I had a worrying experience with Mum in hospital just before Christmas when I thought I was losing her so I know exactly what you have been going through. However she, too, bounced back. Any kind of infection or trauma intensifies confusion and the confusion makes it harder to treat the infection. Things can, therefore, seem much worse and, in my experience, many doctors and nurses take an unnecessarily gloomy view just because of the dementia diagnosis. It is clear your mum has a lot to live for with you and your family caring for her. I am sure that is part of the reason she has bounced back so well.
There is no reason why you and your mum cannot have many good years yet. Even now, 8 years since diagnosis, Mum can have clearer spells when the old Mum comes through.
I am so glad your mum is getting better and hope she will be home soon. Then it is just a case of taking each day as it comes, enjoying the good ones and getting as much help as possible to cope with the bad ones. I will not pretend it will be easy because it isn't. It is stressful, physically and emotionally exhausting at times and you need to look after your own health. There are still happy times ahead, though, so don't get too downcast.
I hope you get a better nights sleep, now you have seen your Mum so much brighter.
Jan
Just need to talk about Mum update
Went to visit Mum in hospital tonight - there she was sitting in the chair 4 days in from her second UTI, eyes open - still not eating very much though, not surprised with gloopy pasta, mashed potatoes and boiled carrots, but enjoyed her Lemon drink that we knew she loves - off the IV drip, but in her own world in which she seems happy, she was smiling, happy that OH had brushed her hair and was rubbing her head - he seems more capable of coping with Mum than I do. I can only say I am relieved that she is content in whatever world she is in. Watching Comic Relief tonight I can only thank God that Mum is being cared for and there are a lot more people who are worse off than us.
Love to you all
Rosiek xx
Went to visit Mum in hospital tonight - there she was sitting in the chair 4 days in from her second UTI, eyes open - still not eating very much though, not surprised with gloopy pasta, mashed potatoes and boiled carrots, but enjoyed her Lemon drink that we knew she loves - off the IV drip, but in her own world in which she seems happy, she was smiling, happy that OH had brushed her hair and was rubbing her head - he seems more capable of coping with Mum than I do. I can only say I am relieved that she is content in whatever world she is in. Watching Comic Relief tonight I can only thank God that Mum is being cared for and there are a lot more people who are worse off than us.
Love to you all
Rosiek xx
Hello All
Went to visit Mum in hospital today again - she was asleep, actually snoring her little head off - I sat there for about 1 hour holding her hand, I stroked her head and she sort of came to - she heard my voice and smiled I asked her if she was tired and she said yes, so I said I would come back tomorrow - she smiled and drifted off again. I spoke to the SN who said that the doctors had declared her medically stable, although they could not get her to eat very much, a couple of mouthfuls at each meal, but I am worried that she is OK - she seems to have about 2 days a week where she sleeps all day. Is it the dementia that makes her sleep? I am still learning how this wretched disease affects people.
Went to visit Mum in hospital today again - she was asleep, actually snoring her little head off - I sat there for about 1 hour holding her hand, I stroked her head and she sort of came to - she heard my voice and smiled I asked her if she was tired and she said yes, so I said I would come back tomorrow - she smiled and drifted off again. I spoke to the SN who said that the doctors had declared her medically stable, although they could not get her to eat very much, a couple of mouthfuls at each meal, but I am worried that she is OK - she seems to have about 2 days a week where she sleeps all day. Is it the dementia that makes her sleep? I am still learning how this wretched disease affects people.
Dear Rosiek,
I am just catching up and working my way through various threads. My emotions went up and down and up reading yours. I am glad that the later entries are more positive. Hope your mum or will recover quickly.
Best wishes, Ceetee.
I am just catching up and working my way through various threads. My emotions went up and down and up reading yours. I am glad that the later entries are more positive. Hope your mum or will recover quickly.
Best wishes, Ceetee.
Hi Rosiek
it really is a bumpy ride, isnt it? Your posts sound very similar to what has been happening to my mum. She hasnt had a dignosis of dementia, geriatrician thought it was Lewys Bodies but her gait hasnt deteriorated over 2 years so that has been ruled out.However, she was getting UTIs one after the other which caused delirium and falls and endless emergency admissions. After her 10th admission in 15 months she was finally put on permanent antibiotics, rotated every month, and has only had one episode of infection since.I moved her near to me 4 months ago to extra care housing and although mum is muddled and confused she has got a really active life back and is managing fine. Any physical stress ( toothache, constipation) makes her much more confused but then she comes back again. So many times I have thought that this was the end.
Take care of yourself
it really is a bumpy ride, isnt it? Your posts sound very similar to what has been happening to my mum. She hasnt had a dignosis of dementia, geriatrician thought it was Lewys Bodies but her gait hasnt deteriorated over 2 years so that has been ruled out.However, she was getting UTIs one after the other which caused delirium and falls and endless emergency admissions. After her 10th admission in 15 months she was finally put on permanent antibiotics, rotated every month, and has only had one episode of infection since.I moved her near to me 4 months ago to extra care housing and although mum is muddled and confused she has got a really active life back and is managing fine. Any physical stress ( toothache, constipation) makes her much more confused but then she comes back again. So many times I have thought that this was the end.
Take care of yourself
my mum is 82 and has been on aricept for a year-there's been a big deterioration snce november-she was taken to the doctor's today for blood tests-I am praying it is something treatable.
So far she is fairly independent in her own home.
My heart goes out to you Rosie-it's very difficult.
So far she is fairly independent in her own home.
My heart goes out to you Rosie-it's very difficult.