please help

[LEEANN4832]

im so scared that my little ressident will pass away alone i have been looking after her dor 14 mnths now and she means soooo much to me she has a nephew thats all and he hasnt time to come to see her for whatever reasons but i am so drawn to her she is 89 she is so little she 4ft 4 and is the nicest lady ive ever come across in my life....she went into hosptal wth asparators phneumonia and as been nill by mouth for 5 days now i m so scared she is in pain or she is scared i no she has dementia but she is still fully aware wen he sees me she opens her little mouth coz she wants me to feed her i feel so use less to her but i no iv i do feed her she will die or choke and i realydnt want hat i love her like i do a grandma and she says she my little nanna n i strongly beleive she feels safe n at rest when im wth her i just dont no how im going to cope ive never lost anyone who is so precious to me shes so sweet and ffor her to remember my name esp with her dementia and how much she has deteriorated she has always remembered who i am and be delighted to see me

does anyone have any info i could hold onto for hope im so scared and love hr so much i dont want to loose her and dont want her alone x

 

[Maya]

Keep doing what you are doing ! You sound great.

I was very touched by your posting Leean.

It sounds like you are giving this lady all you can. You sound so nice and caring you are just what she needs. Mum's best carers are those who just smile at her and speak kindly. Her face lights up when people are genuine and kind.

Its hard to know what to say in this situation I read somewhere that people in the last stages need less food as the body kind of winds down. I read a paper on it from the local hospice. It was mainly based on cancer patients but they explained to me that it was essentially the same mechanism.

I hope that you can receive some support from a support group as a carer - your local council may run one, local Alzheimer's Society or Hospice? It helps to share experiences. You sound so isolated. I don't have any numbers perhaps someone else here can assist directly?

Perhaps all you can do is stay with her as much as possible or ask the ward/home manager if someone can on rota basis ?
Look after yourself as well.

Maya x

 

[Maya]

I just had thought is your lady in a care home or hospital ? If she is in a private home or care home you might be able to get community matron and hospice involved ? via GP

or if in hospital they might have a palliative care team who work across all the wards - they assist with difficult issues - you could contact them - they may not tell you much if you are not relative but they could take information from you about what you think she needs and you are best placed to say.

thinking of you.

x

 

[Onlyme]

Would you be able to swab her mouth? She may have discomfort and while swabbing won't give her fluids it might give her some pain relief.

 

[lin1]

Hello Leeann
Sorry no advice , not being a relative your in a hard place , do see if they will let you swab her mouth it will make her more comfy

Just wanted to say you are obviously a very caring person and Carers like you are worth there weight in gold.

 

[cragmaid]

Leeann, thank you for caring for your little nanna. You are giving her the best you can because you are giving her love. If it is her time to die, then she is being looked after and will not be in pain. You show us all that you do not have to be a relative to love and care. God Bless you. Maureen.x.