Oh Janice,
You're not being selfish at all, and neither are your sisters. Sounds to me like three scared daughters who want to do the right thing for their mum, but "right" means something different to each of you. I know that with my sister, there are times we want to approach things in different ways and I get so afraid that if I don't agree with her, there'll be a rift between us. After losing dad and going throug the gradual loss of mum, I couldn't bear to be without my sister. But we've not faced anything as big as this, and when mum had to go into the nursing home, we both instinctively knew there was no other option. I did all the reading (TP), all the research on what to expect (TP) and got the best advice on how to handle the changes (TP). My sister just learned what she needed to know through me. But I suspect I'm one of the lucky ones in that respect. Siblings fall out, walk away, disagree when facing the soul-destroying rippling effects of this illness. It must be awful for you to have to worry about is on top of your mum's deterioration.
I think what Jan says is spot on. We were told to leave it for a "settling period", which is the norm for most Homes, because, after all, they see this day in and day out. They know what methods to use and how to approach the situation. Sadly, if your sisters went in and moved her now, I fear it would impact your mums decline further. She has been moved from her house, to hospital, to a Home and the distress and confusion of this alone can contribute to a rapid decline. Another move (back home) could bring on a further downturn and make her behaviour and associated risks much, much worse.
Then there's you. What good would you be, caring for her needs at the detriment of your own health? It would only leave your sisters to cope alone, which is what they're trying to avoid. But how to get them to see this? I don't know. Right now, they're desperate too, and logic flies out the window at times of crisis.
Can you imply that you will "do what you can" (which you will), and that you completely understand what they say and why they say it, reassure them that you want to support them, and want what's best for mum, of course. Subtly say you are a little worried about your health and finances, and that you'll try your very hardest to work with them...BUT...can they agree to give it some time? Have a deadline. 6 weeks is reasonable and should be successful, if it's a good home. Then the meeting. With professionals. This will help elevate all the pressure you and your sisters have been feeling about making the right decision. You will have more information by then, plus advice based on the relationship they will have with your mum by that time.
Could they bring themselves to not visit for 2 weeks? It's torture (for us) but makes the settling so much quicker and easier for the sufferer. So the right thing is not always the easiest thing. In this case, it's the most painful thing in the world, but all of it worth it if it helps your mum.
I feel for you and your sisters so much. I wish I had the power to transport you forward in time, just a few weeks, when your mum has settled, got to know the staff, maybe even made some friends at the home. Then you and your sisters will be in better mental and physical shape to be able to spend quality time with her, without the strain of full time care.
Keep posting, and hopefully soon, we'll see a little light at the end of the tunnel. But we're right by your side (and your family's) as you go through the tunnel.
Lots of love,