Hi I'm a new user and I'm wondering if I'm normal! My mum died in her nursing home a month ago having suffered with Alzheimers for past 9 years the last 2 being awful for us as she didn't know any of us. I used to visit her often, taking her for walks in a wheelchair, reading to her etc. I was on holiday in Jamaica when she died and I feel so guilty that I wasn't there, as I say its a month since she passed and I still wake up thinking I'll go and visit her in a little while and then I remember, I keep telling myself she is in a better place but I still have a "lump/knot" in my stomach and an empty useless feeling, nothing interests me is this normal?
Am I normal
- Thread starter Youngest54
- Start date
Hi and welcome to Talking Point.
My dad died 10 months ago having been in his care home for 18 months. I drive past the care home virtually every day, but on Saturday as I drove past I felt a particular pang to go in and hold my dad's hand one last time.
It's only a month since you lost your mum, and that's no time at all. Like you I knew I should be relieved he was in a better place, but I didn't find that helpful when dealing with grief.
Some people (including me!) expected me to be 'over it' after a month, but you have to give yourself time not only to grieve for your loss, but also to come to terms with the whole dementia journey.
There are lots of people here who understand and talking does help.
My dad died 10 months ago having been in his care home for 18 months. I drive past the care home virtually every day, but on Saturday as I drove past I felt a particular pang to go in and hold my dad's hand one last time.
It's only a month since you lost your mum, and that's no time at all. Like you I knew I should be relieved he was in a better place, but I didn't find that helpful when dealing with grief.
Some people (including me!) expected me to be 'over it' after a month, but you have to give yourself time not only to grieve for your loss, but also to come to terms with the whole dementia journey.
There are lots of people here who understand and talking does help.
Yes, this is normal - in that it is normal to have many many different reactions after the death of someone you love. You must miss not only the mum who was so ill but the mum you grew up with and knew all your life, it will make you feel very strange to say the least.
Go easy on yourself, have you got people around you who are supportive? There is a very supportive community here, so keep posting.
I am sorry about your mum,
with love Pippa x
Go easy on yourself, have you got people around you who are supportive? There is a very supportive community here, so keep posting.
I am sorry about your mum,
with love Pippa x
My mum died in September after being ill for many years. I expected to feel some sense of relief after she died but I didn't. I actually felt for quite a while as though someone had kicked me in the stomach. It does get easier after a while but I would say that what you are feeling is definitely 'normal'.
Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about your mum.
I think how you feel is normal.I feel the same.
My mum died on New Years eve. I wasn't with her when she died, I arrived half hour later. I feel guilty I wasn't with her. I would have done so many things differently if I had the time over again. I feel guilty for leading a normal life, for shopping, watching TV having a meal out, everything makes me feel guilty.
It's still early days for us, I am sure it will get better with time.
I have had so much support form TP ever since I joined and I am sure you will find it a caring place to be as I do.
All my best to you.
Rachel
I think how you feel is normal.I feel the same.
My mum died on New Years eve. I wasn't with her when she died, I arrived half hour later. I feel guilty I wasn't with her. I would have done so many things differently if I had the time over again. I feel guilty for leading a normal life, for shopping, watching TV having a meal out, everything makes me feel guilty.
It's still early days for us, I am sure it will get better with time.
I have had so much support form TP ever since I joined and I am sure you will find it a caring place to be as I do.
All my best to you.
Rachel
Youngest54, I am not sure what is ever normal about grief, you think after all the years of change that happens with this illness is preparation for the end but it really isn't.
The sense of guilt can be at times overwhelming and even for me nearly 2 years on I wonder why I didn't stay for a few hours longer, why do I think about going to work, why do I think about holidays.
You have had to spent 9 years adjusting your life to suit this illness and it will hard to start a new way of living, don't be hard on yourself and just go with the things that you feel able to do.
Heather x
The sense of guilt can be at times overwhelming and even for me nearly 2 years on I wonder why I didn't stay for a few hours longer, why do I think about going to work, why do I think about holidays.
You have had to spent 9 years adjusting your life to suit this illness and it will hard to start a new way of living, don't be hard on yourself and just go with the things that you feel able to do.
Heather x
