You know it will come, but nevertheless it is a shock
- Thread starter Brucie
- Start date
There are, in all, 50 staff at the care home, and it is important to reach/thank all of them because a daily visit cannot reveal the work done by those who work when a family member is not at the home, visiting. The ones I valued most may simply be those I get on best with [though on long observation, I don't think so].
The carers' representative called me yesterday and they want to arrange something after Christmas. Apparently they are a bit gobsmacked to have someone recognise their work in this way, so they want to make it special.
So I will make another visit then to deliver a big brown envelope with some readies in it!
When I was at the home the other day, the new manager was explaining the very real challenges she had in taking over from a very successful manager who had basically moulded the place over the past ten years. Everyone brings their own abilities and personality to any role, so I wish her luck.
The carers' representative called me yesterday and they want to arrange something after Christmas. Apparently they are a bit gobsmacked to have someone recognise their work in this way, so they want to make it special.
So I will make another visit then to deliver a big brown envelope with some readies in it!
When I was at the home the other day, the new manager was explaining the very real challenges she had in taking over from a very successful manager who had basically moulded the place over the past ten years. Everyone brings their own abilities and personality to any role, so I wish her luck.
Bruce, hi
Well done you for getting such a good 'thank you' arranged for the home, it sounds as if they are taking it seriously and want to do justice to the memory of a lovely lady who lived with them, it warms my heart to hear how you and they are coping with this situation.
Take care of yourself, with love from Jo
Well done you for getting such a good 'thank you' arranged for the home, it sounds as if they are taking it seriously and want to do justice to the memory of a lovely lady who lived with them, it warms my heart to hear how you and they are coping with this situation.
Take care of yourself, with love from Jo
An update...
All probate has been sorted now, and all that remains is to revisit the crematorium, so we can have Jan's ashes interred.
We are doing that close to where Nina's husband's are buried, and we plan to make the place the family memorial ground. I think I'll wait until the weather gets a tad warmer.
A Post Script
This morning I had a phone call from Jan's niece, who has been caring for one of Jan's sisters for 2-3 years. Jan was the youngest of three sisters, and it was the middle sister this time. Yes, she had dementia too, though for a much shorter time than Jan, and she was also 11 years older.
The niece told a strange story: while Jan was alive and in her care home, and the sister's dementia increased,the sister never ever mentioned Jan, instead retreating into her own childhood.
The family never told her that Jan had died - there would have been no point.
After Jan had passed on, her sister started talking about her, and this culminated, a few days before her own death, in her saying "I will be off to see my little sister soon".
Strange things.
All probate has been sorted now, and all that remains is to revisit the crematorium, so we can have Jan's ashes interred.
We are doing that close to where Nina's husband's are buried, and we plan to make the place the family memorial ground. I think I'll wait until the weather gets a tad warmer.
A Post Script
This morning I had a phone call from Jan's niece, who has been caring for one of Jan's sisters for 2-3 years. Jan was the youngest of three sisters, and it was the middle sister this time. Yes, she had dementia too, though for a much shorter time than Jan, and she was also 11 years older.
The niece told a strange story: while Jan was alive and in her care home, and the sister's dementia increased,the sister never ever mentioned Jan, instead retreating into her own childhood.
The family never told her that Jan had died - there would have been no point.
After Jan had passed on, her sister started talking about her, and this culminated, a few days before her own death, in her saying "I will be off to see my little sister soon".
Strange things.
Hi Bruce,
Strange things indeed. I find things like this very interesting.
You sound well in your post if you know what I mean. I trust that you are well. I am sorry that you face another loss in Jan's sister.
It's nice to see you online.
Happy New Year to you and yours
Dear Bruce,
It's good to hear from you and I hope that you and Nina are ok.
Reminds me of a quote from Hamlet.."There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy"
The brain has so much undiscovered territory.
Thankyou for sharing that ..it's very interesting. Just saddened to hear that you've suffered another loss.
Love xx
It's good to hear from you and I hope that you and Nina are ok.
Reminds me of a quote from Hamlet.."There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy"
The brain has so much undiscovered territory.
Thankyou for sharing that ..it's very interesting. Just saddened to hear that you've suffered another loss.
Love xx
Hi Helen and gigi
nice to be in touch again!
Although Jan's sister is a loss, that is not really to me, as the family never visited Jan after about 2001, and I kept up communication purely as I felt that I should respect what Jan would have wanted.
It is always sad to lose someone though, and time reveals many things. I think in retrospect that the whole of her family has been in a state of fear. No excuse - Jan deserved to be respected.
Jan's last - and eldest - sister is apparently not going to the latest funeral either [too far to come to Jan's (180 miles)] - but the latest is a distance of under 10 miles......
Nowt as queer as folk. I have said I will go, out of respect for what Jan would have wanted me to do.
For my own part I have great support from Nina and her family, and that is probably the differentiator. I wouldn't have wanted to be a person who wails on and on about something that has passed, and where nothing more could have been done. That's where I would have been though.
It may sound crazy, but I feel the need to pass on to others that magic of Jan-ness that I was so lucky to experience. To pass on the happiness of mind, the joy of music and clouds and - well anything really.
And all the while, Jan is around me. I think of Jan now, and I think of the 35 years of joy, not the 10 years of pain and fear.
I hope you are okay too.
Bruce
xx
nice to be in touch again!
Although Jan's sister is a loss, that is not really to me, as the family never visited Jan after about 2001, and I kept up communication purely as I felt that I should respect what Jan would have wanted.
It is always sad to lose someone though, and time reveals many things. I think in retrospect that the whole of her family has been in a state of fear. No excuse - Jan deserved to be respected.
Jan's last - and eldest - sister is apparently not going to the latest funeral either [too far to come to Jan's (180 miles)] - but the latest is a distance of under 10 miles......
Nowt as queer as folk. I have said I will go, out of respect for what Jan would have wanted me to do.
I'm ok thanks Helen. Since Jan's passing and the funeral I have missed her a lot of course, but I always tell myself that she is at peace now, and that is what matters.Helen33 said:
For my own part I have great support from Nina and her family, and that is probably the differentiator. I wouldn't have wanted to be a person who wails on and on about something that has passed, and where nothing more could have been done. That's where I would have been though.
It may sound crazy, but I feel the need to pass on to others that magic of Jan-ness that I was so lucky to experience. To pass on the happiness of mind, the joy of music and clouds and - well anything really.
And all the while, Jan is around me. I think of Jan now, and I think of the 35 years of joy, not the 10 years of pain and fear.
I hope you are okay too.
Bruce
xx
Hi Bruce,
Good to hear from you.
My memories of my dad pre-dementia came to the fore very quickly after he died, and I was able to put 'the dementia years' into context. It meant perhaps that the grief was not just for a troubled man who was now at peace, but for the loss of 'my dad'.
Good to hear from you.
My memories of my dad pre-dementia came to the fore very quickly after he died, and I was able to put 'the dementia years' into context. It meant perhaps that the grief was not just for a troubled man who was now at peace, but for the loss of 'my dad'.
Hi Brucie,
I wrote this in September to you when reading of your loss,
He only managed to carry that torch for another 4 months, for some reason it seems only right that he followed Jan on this journey as well...he always seemed to be just a few steps behind, didn't he?
Hope you are doing as well as you can be.
Best wishes,
I wrote this in September to you when reading of your loss,
He only managed to carry that torch for another 4 months, for some reason it seems only right that he followed Jan on this journey as well...he always seemed to be just a few steps behind, didn't he?
Hope you are doing as well as you can be.
Best wishes,
