Coping with memory loss

[Tina]

Back to the STM thing though you may be able to relate to this - I've just had a long conversation with Dad on the phone . Once he got going we had a good old chat - however he was very repeatative, kept telling me about a lunchbox they have bought their grandaughter - I responded each time as though it was the first time and it went extremely well. I also answered the same questions about what I am doing this weekend - that worked well too - I kept the same enthusiasm in my voice and it was great as it meant I spoke to my Dad for a long time and we were able to laugh and joke together at length - granted it was punctuated with repeatative questions but they were worth it as we also managed to talk about other things too.

- and have to admit I had a blubbing session this morning - probably just starting to sink in.

Hi Gromit and all,
can relate to the STM stuff. My nan and aunty were always very talkative, and we always had looooooong chats (pre-VD/Ad as well as during VD/AD) which were getting more and more repetitive (my aunty can't speak any more now), but it always meant we had loads to talk about. I realise this is a slightly different angle because I never was the main carer, just a regular contact on the phone and when I had the chance to visit, but I've had many a blubbing session in the past few days.

I relish and treasure those chats now even though it was so hard to realise the deterioration. Nan died a few years ago, and my aunt went from just being slightly forgetful and not being able to find words after a stroke (nominal aphasia) to losing her STM completely and not being able to associate the voice on the phone with the person who was speaking. From still being able to initiate and carry the conversation to just reacting or sometimes not reacting because she couldn't process what was being said to her.
GRRRRRRRR! I'm having one of those phases where I get so angry and upset about this b****y disease. And the sinking-in is just so painful isn't it.

I know, I know, think about the positive things, treasure the happy memories, make the most of every visit...I know it still makes a difference to aunty Jean, and did to my nan too, even if it's just for a few minutes, when I (or any other visitor) am with her, I know she's still here and I'm so grateful for that, and I know it's still my aunty, and I love her just the same as I've always done. But I sorely miss what's gone (selfish streak coming through again and I can't beat it tonight), and I'm in one of those "I wish I could turn the clock back" and "I wish this had never happened" phases.
Ok, enough of this whingeing now. Kicks up the backside gratefully received by

Tina (who's pulling herself together now)

 

[Gromit]

Tina,

You are not winging - you are venting - and it is encouraged!!!! This is the best place to do it - I can't believe I actually admit to TP that I blubbed (being Yorkshire and all that - admitting it isn't the done thing!!! Eh BJ?).

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that we will get a diagnosis that is something else - be given a magic pill, and Dad will be back to his old self - however that does seem a tad unlikely!!!

Like you most of my contact is on the phone and visits - though I am managing to see my parents more regularly (about once every 2 months - though I am trying to make it once a month - so far to travel and what with work, own chores, elderly in-laws plus wanting time with my hubby too etc) - so I understand a little of what you must feel like. Though at the moment I am quite lucky that my Dad only seems to suffering mild STM - though Mum did find the milk under the sink yesterday (yikes - that's a first!). I really hope you are feeling better about things today - or at least a little bit. I won't give you a kick up the bottom..... I'm sure you would have given yourself a hard enough time!!!! Probably like me - I tend to tell myself off at times like these!

Dick - You have got Yorkshire right on the button! You must have been your bosses favourite then! I really laughed - your phonetics (is that right?) are bang on!!!! Loved it!

Take care everyone.
G
XXXXX

 

[BillieJay]

I've just got in from work, and Gromit posted ahead of me! So ditto, ditto and ditto.........
Tina, what you're describing is exactly the range of feelings I'm going through, the anger, loss, the sinking-in, and knowing that Mum is still my Mum and I still love her - it's a roller coaster, especially when you're feeling everything all at once. So you'll have to look to somebody else for the kick up the whatsit, I'm definitely not the one to do it!
Gromit - the bottle of fabric conditioner in the wardrobe??? Hmmm...I don't think it's going to happen for Mum, but if they find another diagnosis or a magic pill for your Dad, believe me I won't begrudge it you. In fact I'll happily keep my fingers, toes, eyes and everything else crossed that they do.
Thank you to everyone who has posted and shared on this thread. I can't believe how alone I felt last week, and how un-alone I feel now. And Padraig, I shall put a bottle of something nice in the fridge to be opened on the 24th.

BJx