Help

[lindyt]

hello i have just resgistered on this site so forgive me if i make some errors as dont really know how to use it property yet.

I have for the past 2years been a carer for both mam and dad. Dad passed away in October last year and mam has been diagnosed with moderate alzheimers and i have managed to get her on aricept tablets.I done really know where to start but mams memory is really getting worse quickly. I am finding it hard to cope with and very lonely as i care for her 7days a week with little breaks although she does sleep in her home on her own but not sure if she does sleep as i get mixed messages yes she sleeps not been awake half the night!! what is right i dont know. she does very little for herself i do all meals paying bills etc all she does is puts the washer on. Not sure if i am doing to much or not. Mam has no motivation to do anything and seems to be content just to sit and watch tv although she wouldn be able to tell you what she has watch can tell with her glaxed eyes.
Of course she is distraught with losing dad he was nearly 91 and they were married 60years but she doesnt remember the month he died and cant cope with any letter that come she seems to obcess over the least little thing so i have started to bring them home. I do try and ask her about month year day etc but she gets annoyed with me and tell me to go home which of course i cant and wouldn leave her upset so have stopped trying to get her brain going. Dont know if i am doing right for doing wrong at times and feel stressed and depressed about it all. Mam doesnt go in the bath she only washes herself down but she would say she has had a bath but i know she hasnt, what can i do she looks clean and tidy enough though. So many issues I could ramble on all night but it will be good to know others in same boat. Tried to see if she would have carers but thats a definated NO at the minute. Am i doing something wrong or what can i do to help her more my mind is blank so any ideas would be greatly appreciated. thanks.

 

[Purrdy]

Hi
Im new to all this but I did respond on your first post. Hope you find it! Its so nice to find real people out there who are going through the same thing and can really understand.

 

[lindyt]

thanks found it!!!

 

[cragmaid]

Hi Lindy, I'm just over the water from you so I'll send an extra welcome. One of the first things that comes to me is that you need to arrange to get a Lasting Power of Attorney form filled in and registered if you can, actually it's two, one for finance and one for health and welfare. The forms are quite easy to download and do, but if you want you can ask a solicitor to sort them. They need to be done while your Mum has enough about her to know what she is signing. Have you had a Carers assessment and has Mum had a Soc Serv assessment, there are several financial benefits she may be entitled to and you need to know what help there is out there for you. I would keep telling her that you need to know that if you cannot help her there are people lined up to take over and she will have to have help then. We never know what is around the corner waiting to trip us up. Keep in touch Maureen.

 

[rainbowblush]

Hi Lindy

I'm also new to this but am just one step ahead of you.
My mum is living on her own and I am trying to care for her - everything you wrote is so similar to my situation.

Because she had a massive decline this week and has lost so much weight, we had her assessed yesterday by social services who straight away arranged for two weeks respite in a home nearby. She really didnt want to go and I feel so guilty about leaving her. I have yet to pluck up the courage to phone the home and see how her first night went.

Occupational Health also came out yesterday and assessed her home. They are going to arrange all the gadgets for the house and sort out a care package with carers coming in to help her and me.

I feel so guilty but am also looking forward to just having a break and being able to have a cooked meal at home with my kids.
I hope you get the help that you so obviously need.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello and welcome to TP.

As well as seeking a Social Services assessment for both you and your Mum (you have a right to one too as main carer), I suggest you telephone the local Alzheimer's Society as they should advise on other local support services. Often there are carer's meetings (sometimes called 'cafes') where both carer and sufferer can meet together - it is a useful way of meeting others and finding out what help is available.

I hope you find TP helpful and supportive.