Stunned - it is like my mum is someone I have never known =o(

scared daughter

Account Closed
May 3, 2010
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Guys I am so sad at the moment, aparently the gentleman my mum has been running aorund with IS someone from her past - it owuld appear they had an affair along time ago.

I am now looking at photos of my long dead father devastated, and grateful I looklike him, becasue she spatt he words you dont know who your father is at me =o( This has to be part of the disease right? This isn't a confession?

I really do look like my dad, and have never been more grateful for this, but when I questioned some of mums friends they relucantly admited she had been "close" to this guy int he past.

She is now currently safe and was made to go to where she is, but did they ask me to act as next of kin becasue she said he was my dad?

This has all left me battered and bruised. :(
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
OMG what a situation for you. No wonder you feel battered and bruised. Hold on to the fact that you look so like your dad. Take care. xx
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,442
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No I really do not think they asked you to act as his next of kin because one or the other of them said he was your father. They asked you to act as his next of kin because they thought you were his step-daughter and he was married to your mother.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I am certain that if she was well she would never have wished to upset you like this. One of the tragic things with dementia is that we sometimes end up knowing things about our parents that they would never have wished us to know, and it's hard to shut that door once it's opened. I do think you have to try though. Who among us hasn't done one thing we would rather our children didn't know about?
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
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East Kent
S D
You look like your dad coz he is your dad !!!

In your head you know its the disease making your mum say these things
I know it hurts like hell .

No one other than your mum n dad could know if their was an affair rather than friendship I have had a male friend in the past . And thats what it could have been with mum, and the neighbours have made the wrong assumotions

Lay the past to rest , try n put it behind you .
You know your dad is your dad those photos prove it

Im glad to hear your mum is safe now .that must have been awful for you

I guess everything is spinning round and round in your thoughts ,
I hope that we here can help you through this
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
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I am worried about you, do you have someone you can talk to? This is a very sad situation for you. I am going to send you a private message as something not unlike that has troubled me too. i should add that it has turned out okay for me, and what i have to say may reassure you.

Pippa
 
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wispa

Registered User
Nov 5, 2009
140
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This has to be part of the disease right? This isn't a confession?

Oh 'Scared Daughter' what a terrible time you are going through.

In your heart of hearts you know you are your fathers daughter, but this kind of thing makes you question it doesn't it.

I know I did when my Mum started telling me I wasn't her daughter and that I had no resemblence whatsoever to anyone in her family :(.

I even got my birth certificate out to check the names on it - quite bizarre really because I know she is my Mum!! But it all keeps going round and round in your head, making you question everything that you know.

My Mum has now decided that instead of her adopted sister I am in fact her adopted daughter which was a fact she decided to try and tell me repeatedly during Christmas day! She told me all about how she had always worried how I would try and find my real parents :eek: - I honestly look more and more like her as I get older - but I still find myself questioning if she has perhaps not told me something when she was ok !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know you are your fathers daughter like I know I am my mothers daughter, try not to even think about it....I know that is easier said than done.

You really know you are right when you say it is the disease, because it is.

A big <<<<<<<hug>>>>>>>.
 

scared daughter

Account Closed
May 3, 2010
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Thank you so much for the replies, it was just so unexpected. I would never have ever imagined that being said - I have had a long chat to my sister ont he phone about it. She reminded me when I needed a blood transfusion I was the same blood group as my dad - i knwo thats not an exclusive club but it is something.

It just makes you wonder, gosh this disease is cruel =o(
 

Dottie

Registered User
Sep 12, 2010
106
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Dear Scared Daughter,

This disease stinks. As Lin said : you look like your dad because he is your dad. Sending you love & hugs (((((hugs)))))

Love Dottie xx
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,992
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UK
Has your Mum forgotten her recent history and really thinks that her old flame was the bloke she married? In that case, in her mind, he would be your father.

Considering what dementia does to the brain its truly amazing what it can come up with when it tries putting loads of thread together to make a picture.
 

AlsoConfused

Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
1,952
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My Mum's told me that as well as my Dad being not my real Dad, I'm adopted and she and Dad abandoned us on the quayside before returning to this country (they'd no money for our tickets you see!!)and she and her sister whizzed up and down on their motorbikes visiting each other....

My Mum's new "past" only touches on the real past an infinitesmally small fraction of the time and the detail changes within minutes.

Your Mum's relationship with reality sounds equally distant. You'd instantly discount this story if you weren't feeling so hard-pressed and vulnerable.
 

sad nell

Registered User
Mar 21, 2008
3,190
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bradford west yorkshire
My lovely husband at the start of this desease told me somethings which so shocked me, and being new to AD, part of me just wondered,but I think I always knew it was the illness talking, but it does not make it any easier, go with your heart not the words this cruel illness causes Pamx
 

Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
I am sorry to read that you have been so upset. Hang on to the fact that you look like your dad!

FIL became very confused about his past some months ago, he told sitters he has been married three times and that he had travelled the world. We have no idea where all this suddenly came from, it is complete news to us and we don't believe it for one moment. He often said he wished he had visited certain places but that he never could fly because of a problem with his ears. Sadly it seems that he invented a fantasy life for himself.

Sending a hug, take care of yourself xx