Hello everyone

[Monkey]

I'm writing my first message to this board.

My mum was diagnosed a couple of years back and in many respects she's a classic case. People steal or hide things from her (usually my younger brother's girlfriend, and previously her ex partner's daughter - both perceived threats I suppose).

These things do happen very regularly - just as often as she can't find something she's hidden in a really ununsual place and can't remember where. I used to feel quite adept at changing the subject but these days she seems quite intent on refusing to be swayed from it.

Recently the stories she has come up with are more and more vivid, and very distressing, going into abuses and things I couldn't repeat on here.

I live away from home and don't get to spend enough time with her. My two brothers do a grand job seeing her every day and making sure things are ok, but I wonder how many hours per day she sits thinking these thoughts, and this is quite difficult.

I read that the routines and company to be found in homes do improve a situation but if anyone tried discussing any kind of home with her she wouldn't like it, but also it would seem absurd as for the most part she seems quite capable of looking after herself.

I am not sure what I am expecting back from anyone, I guess if anyone has dealt with any of the above successfuly, or has tips or suggestions for taking her mind away from these things she finds so distressing.

 

[Helena]

She sounds like my Mother in 2004 and 2005
sadly things are going downhill rapidly this year

Do be very sure to get her to sign an EPA ........download the forms from guardianship website

Otherwise you will suddenly find bills dont get paid etc etc

 

[Kayla]

How old is your mother? There are different types of Care Homes and some wouldn't take anyone under 65, and from your post, it sounds as if you and your family are still quite young. It might be a good idea to persuade your mother to see her GP, to check her general health and also contact Social Services to see what help might be available. I did find that my mother would sit at home brooding and then she would make mountains out of molehills. Loneliness can make depression and mental health problems a lot worse. Age Concern run Day Centres in most areas, which might help and there are often community run clubs for older people as well.
My Mum was helped by being in a Care Home, but she was 80 and disabled with rheumatoid arthritis. At home she was managing her laundry and cooking simple meals for herself, but once she went into the home, they did everything for her. This was a good thing for Mum, as she was getting very unsteady on her feet. For a younger, more active person, the lack of household chores could make the situation worse.
The false accusations are a real problem and I started to write all the shopping bills down in a notebook, with a brief explanation of what the money had been spent on. Mum did start to talk about the "people who keep taking money off me" and she just meant the window cleaner and hairdresser! She also objected to contacting the plumber to fit a new radiator, because "He only does it for the money," I tried to explain that was how he earnt his living, but it fell on deaf ears.
The correct medication could make a lot of difference to your mother's behaviour and it is probably better to leave the Care Home as a last resort, after other options have been explored.
Kayla

 

[Monkey]

Hi there, thanks for the replies so far. It's a comfort already!
Mum is 66, and has been diagnosed for a couple of years although symptoms go back a while longer.

I'll check out age concern and the other suggestions.

Thanks again!

Monkey

 

[tedsmum]

Hi

Just to reiterate what Helena said please try to get POA as soon as you can. Social Services didn't tell me and now it's too late. I'm faced with getting Court of Protection now which is a mountain of paperwork and much more expensive.
Your mum sounds just like my dad was a year ago I never thought I could talk to him about nursing homes etc but now he's in a mental health unit and I have to sort out a NH for him.If I knew then what I know now I would have found a way to.
Take Care

XX

 

[Monkey]

Hi
Just to clear up, me and my brothers got EPA last year straight after diagnosis.
All your comments re homes have been very helpful, thanks!
xx