Great timing - mum not so good
- Thread starter piedwarbler
- Start date
With no disrespect to you Pied, carers are generally not medics; whilst you will have educated yourself about MS because it impacts on your family, carers probably don't.
That is not part of their training and (dare I say it) perhaps not reasonable of you to expect it.
Now stop that! You are not letting anyone down, except maybe yourself. You're ill, you're anxious, you're frazzled. I don't mean to be snippy with you, but no-one's going to talk you down, including you!Go to bed sweetheart, you need your sleep.
It's not you fault I'm sure the ladies looking in on your mum will keep you up to date you have got to concentrate on getting your self well so you can look after your mum and family
I know how you must feel though hope she's better tomorrow and I hope you are asleep love larivy
I know how you must feel though hope she's better tomorrow and I hope you are asleep love larivy
Pied so sorry to hear your Mum is poorly, sucky timing yes, but no way is it your fault for not having visited.
Everything emotionwise is heightened for you just now with all you have going on but will not let you get away with lettng the guilt monster in, put it under your pillow and let the tooth fairy take it.
Hope you are able to get some rest and that the call to CH in the morning gives better news and your Mum is improving.
Can't come up with any strategies for visiting that keep you safe, would the kind lady who pops in go more often if you explained how worried you are, does she know you are ill? It seems she has a handle on things. I know it's no substitute when you just want to go and give Mum a hug and see for yourself
Hugs for you
jaynexx
Everything emotionwise is heightened for you just now with all you have going on but will not let you get away with lettng the guilt monster in, put it under your pillow and let the tooth fairy take it
.Hope you are able to get some rest and that the call to CH in the morning gives better news and your Mum is improving.
Can't come up with any strategies for visiting that keep you safe, would the kind lady who pops in go more often if you explained how worried you are, does she know you are ill? It seems she has a handle on things. I know it's no substitute when you just want to go and give Mum a hug and see for yourself
Hugs for you
jaynexx
I was thinking the same Larivy! Pied, would it be possible to ask one of those ladies, just as a special favour, to see if the radiator is on when she goes to visit your mum? No other duty but just to check the radiator?
I have had some thoughts about your sister but they don't bear repeating in polite surroundings.
It is, as Jayne says, indeed a horrible time of year with lots of stupid bugs about, but I too would have wanted the carers to be more sensitive to your mum's needs.
I would have felt exactly the same as you, Pied, but in the circumstances, there has to be another way around these things and I strongly suggest that the kind ladies who visit and who said they would keep an eye out for your mum might be the answer.
I so wish I lived closer and could take on your visits for you, Pied.
Big, big hugs, Deborah x
I also had this Pied and it was awful, exactly as you describe it Annie. It eased after a week or two but I couldn't drive for eight weeks and even things like putting out washing I had to keep my head still and just feel with my hands. It is so debilitating.
Your poor Mum Pied.
But I echo the others a) its not your fault b) you do have
to take care of yourself at this present time c) to be honest - and please don't take this the wrong way - if your Mum is in a care home it is up to them to be looking out for her, not for you to be worrying yourself into a lather when you are not at all well. It doesn't take much to check if Mum is warm or clean. Its their job as carers.
Hope you managed some sleep. Hope you feel a bit better soon so you can go in to see your Mum and kick some b*tt
. Maybe send in little Pied, she sounds like she would give them a run for their money!Take care
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
Morning, and thanks for the vibes and hugs. I do feel better this morning. I think yesterday was a long day, what with the oncologist, and then the GP, and then this news about Mum, right at the end of the day, when I couldn't do anything about it except panic.
Annie, thanks, been thinking about vertigo, it's funny you should say that, and yes, Mum does suffer the symptoms you describe, and has done for years. When we took her out for walks in her wheelchair or for a drive she would always feel nauseous. I know it's distressing and that's partly what upset me last night.
Lynne, thanks for your post; I agree with your comments about carers; I don't expect them to be medics at all, that is why I wrote a sheet of simple medical stuff about MS, it had about three key things on the sheet and the top one was "Please move me slowly as I get very dizzy and feel sick very easily. If you take me for a bath, the slower you go, the happier I will be." That is why I feel it is reasonable to be upset when they ask me if she suffers vertigo - it is something I was careful to warn them of!
But, Annie, last time Mum was sick earlier this week, she said to me, "It was weird. I never felt sick at all and I didn't feel ill, all of a sudden it just came from nowhere!" and she was surprised. Now that doesn't sound like vertigo, does it?
It could be a bug. But it could be the MS deteriorating (digestion is a problem in late stage) and it could be vertigo. But it would be lovely if the home rang me - they all know what's wrong with me and they know I am bothered about not visiting.
The kind lady who looks in on Mum for me sees her every day and e mails me an update which is so lovely of her that she has really made it possible for me to live with the not visiting.
Sorry I was a bit down last night, I think emotionally I just came to the end of my tether last night. I know Mum isn't going to last forever, I just would like to be feeling fit enough to look after her when her time comes.
Today Hubby says he will take me after I have had my swine flu jab (which I have to have before chemo starts) - I'll be careful. I will phone Mum's doctor at 9 and see if I can have a phone appointment to talk it through with him.
xx
and thanks for the vibes and hugs. I do feel better this morning. I think yesterday was a long day, what with the oncologist, and then the GP, and then this news about Mum, right at the end of the day, when I couldn't do anything about it except panic. Annie, thanks, been thinking about vertigo, it's funny you should say that, and yes, Mum does suffer the symptoms you describe, and has done for years. When we took her out for walks in her wheelchair or for a drive she would always feel nauseous. I know it's distressing and that's partly what upset me last night.
Lynne, thanks for your post; I agree with your comments about carers; I don't expect them to be medics at all, that is why I wrote a sheet of simple medical stuff about MS, it had about three key things on the sheet and the top one was "Please move me slowly as I get very dizzy and feel sick very easily. If you take me for a bath, the slower you go, the happier I will be." That is why I feel it is reasonable to be upset when they ask me if she suffers vertigo - it is something I was careful to warn them of!
But, Annie, last time Mum was sick earlier this week, she said to me, "It was weird. I never felt sick at all and I didn't feel ill, all of a sudden it just came from nowhere!" and she was surprised. Now that doesn't sound like vertigo, does it?
It could be a bug. But it could be the MS deteriorating (digestion is a problem in late stage) and it could be vertigo. But it would be lovely if the home rang me - they all know what's wrong with me and they know I am bothered about not visiting.
The kind lady who looks in on Mum for me sees her every day and e mails me an update which is so lovely of her that she has really made it possible for me to live with the not visiting.
Sorry I was a bit down last night, I think emotionally I just came to the end of my tether last night. I know Mum isn't going to last forever, I just would like to be feeling fit enough to look after her when her time comes.
Today Hubby says he will take me after I have had my swine flu jab (which I have to have before chemo starts) - I'll be careful. I will phone Mum's doctor at 9 and see if I can have a phone appointment to talk it through with him.
xx
Hi Pied,
Glad you feel a little calmer this morning. I think you have to follow your gut, and if it's only a small risk to your health by visiting your mum, then you're bound to feel it's worth taking. I suppose even going to the supermarket carries risks, so when you weigh it up, just do what you need to do. Just don't compromise yourself if you don't have to. We want you fit and well so you can be there for mum a little later on.
The vertigo thing is always hard to be sure about. If your mum said she didn't feel ill but was suddenly sick, then no...not a symptom I'd put with vertigo, but if she mentioned dizziness with the sudden urge to vomit...then yes. The spell does come on at a rapid speed, with no warning, so suddenness is right, but it would have to go hand in hand with a dramatic head spin. I suppose it's very hard to get this information from your mum, at the best of times.
I know what you mean about communication with the Home though. I always feel slightly miffed when I see changes have either happened with mum herself, or to her care (eg, changes in food, addition of nutritional drinks etc.). I wish they would ring me to keep me updated, even on the things they consider to be small. Because I can only go on weekends, I don't always see the staff who know mum best, and I get a very glossed over explanation of why / how changes have occurred. I have tried calling, but it's so hard to understand the accents over the phone, that I feel it's not very productive.
I get a good sense that they have everything under control, it's just that I don't know about it, and I hate surprises. I always slightly dread the visits, worrying that I'll see something new, and have to chase down staff to explain it to me. So in your case, although you'd worry with a phone call, I suppose it would have been better to have come from them... On the other hand, if they really don't think it's serious, and they are fully aware of your situation, maybe they thought that as they have it under control (in their view) that worrying you would not help.
Bit of a no-win by the sounds of it.
Anyway, hope the flu-jab is fun! And hope you feel a little better having seen her.
Glad you feel a little calmer this morning. I think you have to follow your gut, and if it's only a small risk to your health by visiting your mum, then you're bound to feel it's worth taking. I suppose even going to the supermarket carries risks, so when you weigh it up, just do what you need to do. Just don't compromise yourself if you don't have to. We want you fit and well so you can be there for mum a little later on.
The vertigo thing is always hard to be sure about. If your mum said she didn't feel ill but was suddenly sick, then no...not a symptom I'd put with vertigo, but if she mentioned dizziness with the sudden urge to vomit...then yes. The spell does come on at a rapid speed, with no warning, so suddenness is right, but it would have to go hand in hand with a dramatic head spin. I suppose it's very hard to get this information from your mum, at the best of times.
I know what you mean about communication with the Home though. I always feel slightly miffed when I see changes have either happened with mum herself, or to her care (eg, changes in food, addition of nutritional drinks etc.). I wish they would ring me to keep me updated, even on the things they consider to be small. Because I can only go on weekends, I don't always see the staff who know mum best, and I get a very glossed over explanation of why / how changes have occurred. I have tried calling, but it's so hard to understand the accents over the phone, that I feel it's not very productive.
I get a good sense that they have everything under control, it's just that I don't know about it, and I hate surprises. I always slightly dread the visits, worrying that I'll see something new, and have to chase down staff to explain it to me. So in your case, although you'd worry with a phone call, I suppose it would have been better to have come from them... On the other hand, if they really don't think it's serious, and they are fully aware of your situation, maybe they thought that as they have it under control (in their view) that worrying you would not help.
Bit of a no-win by the sounds of it.
Anyway, hope the flu-jab is fun! And hope you feel a little better having seen her.
Hi
Well I have made some progress... rang the home first at 9 am, they said Mum was fine and was in the lounge while they clean her room (she never goes out of her room!). I spoke to her and Annie, you're right, she described sudden dizziness when they turned her and then sudden vomiting. So vertigo looks likely.
I asked if she felt ill, no, she feels fine, I said I would ring the doc for advice and she thanked me. I told her I'd had a tooth out and would have visited otherwise, (all these little white lies) and she said she understood, and not to worry. She sounded so small and far away, but not unhappy, and she said everyone was being kind.
Then I spoke to the nurse again, and asked her to remind staff to move Mum slowly as that helps her.
I rang the GP and I have a phone appointment this afternoon to discuss things - do you think there is a medication that could help? Mum's friend has suggested soda water, do you think that would help? I can get her some of that when I go out for my flu jab.
My tooth (or rather the hole) is a little achey this morning, but nothing like as bad as I might have expected.
I will let you know how things go this afternoon. Off for flu jab now. My dad told me his jab made him ill for a week - thanks Dad!!
Thanks all for your support... Kassy, how lovely to hear from you my dear friend. Hope you are okay.
Well I have made some progress... rang the home first at 9 am, they said Mum was fine and was in the lounge while they clean her room (she never goes out of her room!). I spoke to her and Annie, you're right, she described sudden dizziness when they turned her and then sudden vomiting. So vertigo looks likely.
I asked if she felt ill, no, she feels fine, I said I would ring the doc for advice and she thanked me.
I told her I'd had a tooth out and would have visited otherwise, (all these little white lies) and she said she understood, and not to worry. She sounded so small and far away, but not unhappy, and she said everyone was being kind. Then I spoke to the nurse again, and asked her to remind staff to move Mum slowly as that helps her.
I rang the GP and I have a phone appointment this afternoon to discuss things - do you think there is a medication that could help? Mum's friend has suggested soda water, do you think that would help? I can get her some of that when I go out for my flu jab.
My tooth (or rather the hole) is a little achey this morning, but nothing like as bad as I might have expected.
I will let you know how things go this afternoon. Off for flu jab now. My dad told me his jab made him ill for a week - thanks Dad!!
Thanks all for your support... Kassy, how lovely to hear from you my dear friend. Hope you are okay.
Pied, I suffer from vertigo too. There is a medication to control dizziness, I'll try to find the name.
In an emergency, travel sickness pills (Stugeron) will work, but obviously you wouldn't give them to your mum without medical approval.
I hope the GP is helpful.
love,
In an emergency, travel sickness pills (Stugeron) will work, but obviously you wouldn't give them to your mum without medical approval.
I hope the GP is helpful.
love,
Well, that's all positive, sort of!!
Now...the thing with moving is difficult, but for me it helps to know which side of me is the affected side. It's my right side, so I need to lie on my left side and try to stay there... Very difficult if your mum needs turning in bed, and also if she remembers to stay on one side. But it's unlikely she'll know which is her affected side, so probably the best thing is to keep her head in one position while they move her, as much as possible, and to keep it very very slow and gradual, looking for signs of dizziness on her face. If she seems dizzy, they need to stop, or if she reaches out to grab something, they need to stop. It just feels like gravity has disappeared and that the whole floor had dropped from beneath her. She will possibly feel very hot and clammy too. Then, when it passes, they can continue.
Tough job.
But it might be worth asking the GP about medication for disturbed balance. I was prescribed Cinnarizine and it's been wonderful. For ten years I've had vertigo and was told there was nothing I could do, then a friend mentioned these to me, I mentioned these to my GP. I got them the next day, and the difference is amazing. But see what the GP says.
Best of luck today, and keep us updated on you and on mum.
Lots of love,
Now...the thing with moving is difficult, but for me it helps to know which side of me is the affected side. It's my right side, so I need to lie on my left side and try to stay there... Very difficult if your mum needs turning in bed, and also if she remembers to stay on one side. But it's unlikely she'll know which is her affected side, so probably the best thing is to keep her head in one position while they move her, as much as possible, and to keep it very very slow and gradual, looking for signs of dizziness on her face. If she seems dizzy, they need to stop, or if she reaches out to grab something, they need to stop. It just feels like gravity has disappeared and that the whole floor had dropped from beneath her. She will possibly feel very hot and clammy too. Then, when it passes, they can continue.
Tough job.
But it might be worth asking the GP about medication for disturbed balance. I was prescribed Cinnarizine and it's been wonderful. For ten years I've had vertigo and was told there was nothing I could do, then a friend mentioned these to me, I mentioned these to my GP. I got them the next day, and the difference is amazing. But see what the GP says.
Best of luck today, and keep us updated on you and on mum.
Lots of love,
Hello Pied
Just catching up with your news. Sorry to hear that Mum is poorly and hope something is sorted soon. Hope you get on OK with GP this afternoon. Mum had a horrible dizzy spell which lasted about a fortnight and the GP said was a virus, and she too was prescribed Stemetil.
Mary
x
Just catching up with your news. Sorry to hear that Mum is poorly and hope something is sorted soon. Hope you get on OK with GP this afternoon. Mum had a horrible dizzy spell which lasted about a fortnight and the GP said was a virus, and she too was prescribed Stemetil.
Mary
x
Thanks everyone - where would I be without TP, I ask myself daily!
I just rang the doctor and had a chat with him. He was lovely, asked all about her symptoms, which if course I couldn't say too much about, as I am not there when it happens. He asked if she had vomited before and I said only last September when she had query impacted bowels but it seemed to be a UTI in the end.
He said he didn't like to prescribe without seeing her so he is going this afternoon. I am so delighted about that.
I rang the home to tell them the GP was going and they sounded, well, amost disappointed, as though they were thinking "don't you trust us?" or "it's not necessary but if you must", am I being paranoid?? Would have liked a comment like, "Oh good, we can see what the doctor can do to help".
With luck I might be there when he calls which would be even better, just waiting impatiently for poor Hubby to get home from work and hoping he'll take me.
The flu jab was nothing, and they said Hubby can have one as he is my "carer"!!
I just rang the doctor and had a chat with him. He was lovely, asked all about her symptoms, which if course I couldn't say too much about, as I am not there when it happens. He asked if she had vomited before and I said only last September when she had query impacted bowels but it seemed to be a UTI in the end.
He said he didn't like to prescribe without seeing her so he is going this afternoon.
I am so delighted about that. I rang the home to tell them the GP was going and they sounded, well, amost disappointed, as though they were thinking "don't you trust us?" or "it's not necessary but if you must", am I being paranoid?? Would have liked a comment like, "Oh good, we can see what the doctor can do to help".
With luck I might be there when he calls which would be even better, just waiting impatiently for poor Hubby to get home from work and hoping he'll take me.
The flu jab was nothing, and they said Hubby can have one as he is my "carer"!!
Excellent news Pied, well done. xHe said he didn't like to prescribe without seeing her so he is going this afternoon.
I went to the home as soon as Hubby got home and arrived at exactly the same time as Doctor L., who was really nice, about my age. We found Mum in the lounge, her room was clean and fresh, and Mum was sitting with some rice pudding (cold) and a cold cup of tea.
Doctor examined her all over and said it was probably vertigo, he could prescribe a tablet but he said if it was only happening infrequently Mum might prefer to wait and see if it was troublesome. He also noticed her lipoma and examined that which I was really glad about. Mum was really with it and described her symptoms to him and how she doesn't like being "tipped upside down", so the doctor said no roller coasters, then.
I had goodies with me. First, a fresh cream Victoria sponge from the bakers. Mum's eyes lit up. It didn't touch the sides, and there was enough for Mum's friend in the lounge to have a slice and also for the carers to have a slice.
In fact, Mum tried to get the last bit in her mouth all at the same time and failed, she enjoyed it so much! Result!
Then, I had soda water which her friend had said would help. Mum's face was a picture as she tried it: "Eurch, it's a bit strong, isn't it?" But when I said E had sent it with her love, she drank it all!
Mum was amazingly perky, very bright and very aware, knew us straight away, I told her I'd had a tooth out and she was really sympathetic, she pointed out a man walking his dog in the park opposite the window, and the cars coming and going. I haven't seen her so bright for ages.
I also took some ginger cookies and chocolate which I left in her room.
As I came to leave, Mum had some spasms in her legs and I noticed a bad tremor in her arm. I really do think all this is the progression of the MS which is taking her over by inches.
The important thing to me is that Mum has had an MOT and a cream prescribed for a sticky eye which again I pointed out and noticed as soon as we said hello.
Very thorough doctor.
I feel much happier now. Sadder that the MS is slowly taking her away, but happy the doctor offered her some help and support and she was able to make a choice not to take a daily tablet.
Thanks to everyone for their advice and ideas. I am going to keep a note of the meds just in case we come back to them.
Doctor examined her all over and said it was probably vertigo, he could prescribe a tablet but he said if it was only happening infrequently Mum might prefer to wait and see if it was troublesome. He also noticed her lipoma and examined that which I was really glad about. Mum was really with it and described her symptoms to him and how she doesn't like being "tipped upside down", so the doctor said no roller coasters, then.
I had goodies with me. First, a fresh cream Victoria sponge from the bakers. Mum's eyes lit up. It didn't touch the sides, and there was enough for Mum's friend in the lounge to have a slice and also for the carers to have a slice.
In fact, Mum tried to get the last bit in her mouth all at the same time and failed, she enjoyed it so much! Result!
Then, I had soda water which her friend had said would help. Mum's face was a picture as she tried it: "Eurch, it's a bit strong, isn't it?" But when I said E had sent it with her love, she drank it all!
Mum was amazingly perky, very bright and very aware, knew us straight away, I told her I'd had a tooth out and she was really sympathetic, she pointed out a man walking his dog in the park opposite the window, and the cars coming and going. I haven't seen her so bright for ages.
I also took some ginger cookies and chocolate which I left in her room.
As I came to leave, Mum had some spasms in her legs and I noticed a bad tremor in her arm. I really do think all this is the progression of the MS which is taking her over by inches.
The important thing to me is that Mum has had an MOT and a cream prescribed for a sticky eye which again I pointed out and noticed as soon as we said hello.
Very thorough doctor.
I feel much happier now. Sadder that the MS is slowly taking her away, but happy the doctor offered her some help and support and she was able to make a choice not to take a daily tablet.
Thanks to everyone for their advice and ideas. I am going to keep a note of the meds just in case we come back to them.