sorry dad !!

[timthumb]

just argued with dad lost my temper and stormed off

really poor show on my behalf .....i do appreciate he cant help it but well sometimes its hard to keep cool

its easier to say sorry on here than to dads face

well sorry dad sleep well and hope for a better day tomorrow

i know people here understand

tim x

 

[Jo1958]

Tim, hi
Sleep well and a better day tomorrow, you are doing a wonderful job.
Take good care of yourself, with kind regards from Jo

 

[jenniferpa]

You bet we do.

Sometimes with the best will in the world the mantra "it's just the disease" has absolutely no power to make the situation more bearable.

If you hear of someone who has never lost their temper in this situation, I'll show you either a saint or a liar.

Forgive yourself. At the risk of a cliche: tomorrow is another day (and as a bonus, it's quite possible he won't remember, even if you do).

 

[Lynne]

You bet we do.

Sometimes with the best will in the world the mantra "it's just the disease" has absolutely no power to make the situation more bearable.

If you hear of someone who has never lost their temper in this situation, I'll show you either a saint or a liar.

Forgive yourself. At the risk of a cliche: tomorrow is another day (and as a bonus, it's quite possible he won't remember, even if you do).

What Jennifer said, with bells on

 

[danny]

Oh Tim,you are not alone with this one.

Get a good nights sleep and give dad a big hug in the morning

 

[timthumb]

just apologised in person .......gave him a choccy sweet .next to last one i might add

said we will have a better day tomorrow

i hope he feels better about it all

i sure do

good night everyone and thanks for being so understanding

tim x

 

[lin1]

You bet we do.

If you hear of someone who has never lost their temper in this situation, I'll show you either a saint or a liar.

And It definately wont be the former!!

We all want to be saints, not one of us want to lose our temper , but sometimes .....

 

[Grannie G]

Well done Tim. You will be able to sleep in peace.

I`m glad you feel you can come to TP because we all know how you feel.

 

[longacre]

I so wanted to 'storm off the end of the phone' today but it doesnt have quite the same resonance as storming off out of a room. I have been in the same place as you many times and thought I was going to boil over with frustration and rage sometimes. Oh my goodness it does not get easier.

But ultimately my mother (and my father before her who also had AD) doesnt remember so the only person who really gets wound up / strung out and generally ready to scream from here to Lands End is me....and then the guilt. Oh blimey. lets not even start on that.


So I find that a deep breath, a walk around the block as long as it is not snowing, a moment or two of silence and then a hoot of laughter if one can be rustled up from within me (usually helped by talking to my sister as we always manage to find the humorous side of anything together) helps to do the trick and get things back in perspective - or at least that is the sort of living with Alzheimers perspective we have all grown used to.

 

[Cookie21]

Sat here in tears.... I sometimes hate myself when I argue with Mum... I try to stay calm, but every so often I flip.

Mum says that I dont love her all the time ... I know she cant help it, but she is my world.

This forum is so helpful

 

[timthumb]

dont take it to hard we all go there sometimes

tim x

 

[Contrary Mary]

Hope today is a good day.

Mary

 

[adatog]

My way

My wife of 40 years now tells me that she never loved me and I am a devil tying to do her harm. I had lots of patience and could do fiddly jobs at work all day long without loosing my cool. Now she winds me up so very easily and I loose my temper, not with her because it's not her fault, but with me for not being able to help her.
I leave the room, take some deep breaths, count to 10 slowly, take some more deep breaths, then smack hell out of the door post.
It hurts, but makes me feel better and I go back to her with love.
Chin up son.

 

[timthumb]

thanks fella....it is so up and down .......

like the disease i can be up one day then down the next ...

you never can tell ...but once again thanks for all the support

tim x

 

[TED]

Hi tim

I can empathise with this situation a lot but I just needed to ask something with you, is your Dad the one with dementia here or is he the carer ? Cos if you are going to have more moments like this (and believe me YOU will) it will be best to make up the earliest you can and not leave it till "tomorrow".

I tend to "storm out" to the back garden when it's getting too heated indoors, then I come back and apologise regardless of who is to blame .... the sooner the better allows everyone to move on and enjoy what's left of the time available.

reason I say this is that one time we "fell out" I didn't show my face for about a week ... now this was down to work more than anything else but I had no idea that my Dad would be fretting so much that he'd upset ME and it took longer than the week to pull things back together. I wouldn't want to put him through that again for sure having not realised it was happening was no excuse.

Sorry if I have got the wrong end of the stick here.
Anyway may you make good use of your time, it's the one thing we'll never had enough of.

TED

 

[whitefield74]

getting cross

Sorry to read this.

 

[wursty]

In the Big Club!

To everyone who has ever felt anger towards their loved one - you are all in the 'Big Club'! In other words, you are not alone, and if you only knew how many others have felt the same, you wouldn't beat yourself up so much. Dementia in any form changes the personality of the sufferer, and in my Dad's case, he became delusional, aggressive, argumentative and unreasonable. He stretched our patience to the limit, and when my Mum was looking after him, the toll it took on her own health was incredible. My Dad had been the sweetest, most gentle, loving, calm, rational person, and the illness reversed all those qualities, leaving behind someone we hardly recognised. Every single day brought unlimited new challenges, dealing with difficult behaviour and emotions, and for a while, when things were at the their worst, I actually believed that I hated my Dad - and I had always worshipped him.
Dad has now been in care for almost two years, and all the love I have for him has returned. He doesn't remember me being angry. He still knows his close family, and he knows we love him - and he loves us. For those things, we are immensely lucky.
Today Dad had his first seizure, unexpectedly - the care home phoned us to tell us, and we were there within a few minutes. He had 'fitted' for 5 minutes, but had recovered, and had no recollection of any of it, although he seemed more muddled than usual afterwards. We have no idea how much more he will have to endure, or how long he will be with us, but one thing I am so grateful for is that my love for him is as great as ever, and my anger towards him disappeared long ago.
Never feel guilty about how you feel - it is an awful time for you, and your emotions are raw and easily upset. No matter how much you try to stay calm, due to the illness, sometimes the behaviour of your loved one is very difficult to deal with. You should be concentrating on all the wonderful things you do for your loved one, not beating yourself up about your temper fraying. Ultimately, they won't remember you being angry, so be kinder on yourself. You are coping better than you give yourself credit for. I understand what you are going through, as do so many others on this forum. Take care, and know that you are not alone. God Bless.

 

[sarah123]

it's been over a year since I last posted although I've popped in to read the odd time. It was thanks to the newsletter that I read this topic and it really struck a chord with me.

I'm finding more & more that my patience wears thin when I'm with my mum especially when I hear the same stories over & over. And when she tries to be helpful in tellng me exercises that will help get rid of the double chin I apparently have or always asking me how much I weigh and telling me her weight, I know she doesn't mean to be hurtful but it can be hard to sit there while you own mother pretty much calls you fat!

It was really helpful to know that the feeling I have are totally normal. Thank you all

 

[pauline3]

Sorry Dad

Hi Tim

I had a similar situation with my mum. She was supposed to be coming out with me but despite constant reminders didn't get herself ready and I eventually went without her. I felt so guilty I bought her a a tin of Quality Street which I gave her with apologies for my impatience when I got home. The conversation went like this:
Mum - that really wasn't necessry, I don't remember your being impatient with me. (A minute later) Where would you like me to put your sweets.
Me - They're your sweets mum
Mum - Well that's nice but what for?
I repeated the explanation and a few minutes later she again asked "Where shall I put your sweets.

The above conversation was repeated 3 times until I had to accept that they were "my sweets" and told her to put them in the dining room and help herself when she wanted one.

No need to feel guilty Tim, we're the only ones who remember Pauline

 

[applesue]

Losing it

I remember my poor dad feeling guilty at blowing up at my mum. He's 76 now, and she's into the 3rd stage and none of us know how he does it day in and day out. So if, occasionally, he blows, so be it! He's only human. They've been married for nearly 56 years and for the last 3 or maybe 4 of them she hasn't recognised him as her husband. Ouch! I think it's unavoidable, and told him so. It's such a dreadful illness.