Same question....again!

[kd7279]

Probably been asked several times but how do you cope with the same question (could be anything) being asked over and over again?
I give an honest and simple answer every time but within minutes she is asking it again.
I suppose that there is no simple answer.
KD

 

[sussexsue]

There is no simply answer. I often want to shout - why ask, you wont remember the answer. However I just keep telling myself that although its annoying, it is best to just be stoic and keep answering.

I must to confess to being a bit naughty though. On the way back from Day Care, mum always asks "what have you been up to today". It's an 10 minute journey so probably get asked about 6 or 7 times. Each time I give a different answer. She is happy and never notices. It makes me realise that the answers are all quite irrelevant, and often just a way to make conversation.

To start with I found it very irritating, but hardly notice it now.

 

[MissisT]

My husband doesn't do this (yet) but I can imagine how irritating it must be. On the other hand, he doesn't instigate any kind of conversation unless he wants something so the odd 'what have you been up to' would be nice. I have a feeling I'm going to regret saying that one day

 

[cragmaid]

Give me strength

Oh Lord give me strength is what I cry(silently)more times in the day than can possibly be good for me. I so get what you are saying. I now have a special voice for explaining otherwise I get accused of being angry with Mum, but then sometimes she'll say I'm being patronising. You cannot win, you just take another deep breath and start again. I know there are those who say you'll miss it when it doesn't happen any more but there are times when I want to say back "Try me!!"

 

[lin1]

oh how I remember,
I too used to have that special voice, or all hell would break loose,

occasionally distraction may help if only for a while,

sorry have no answer for you

 

[Canadian Joanne]

It is a very trying phase and the best thing is to answer the question as if it is the first time it has been asked. Much easier said than done, I know!

I know there are those who say you'll miss it when it doesn't happen any more but there are times when I want to say back "Try me!!"

You will miss it one day but that doesn't help you now, does it?

Back in the bad old days with my mother, I more than once walked out of the nursing home 5 minutes after walking in, because my mother was so nasty and vicious. I learned I had to keep my tongue reined in (soooooo hard for me) because it didn't make sense to scream at her. She just didn't understand what I was going on about but remembered the bad emotions and that would keep her miserable for hours, if not the whole day.

 

[Jameela]

Oooh, I can relate to this. Trying to keep one's tone light and even while answering the same question for the Nth time, yet still being accused of being patronising... sigh.

During the night I was in A&E with my mum, I got the repeat qestion "so where are we then?" - fair enough. However, and maybe it was the bang on the head etc, it wasn't minutes apart, it was seconds. Plus, if I answered it simply ("we're in A&E") that would give rise to a load of subsequent repeat questions. I ended up having a little script that I repeated while trying not to sound mechanical: "we-are-in-A&E-at-****-Hospital.-You-have-had-a-fall-and-hurt-your-head.-We-are-waiting-for-you-to-be-stitched/seen-by-a-doctor/taken-up-to-the-ward.-You-fell-in-your-bedroom-at-***-Road-and-bashed-your-head-on-the-wardrobe." Within around 10 seconds of my finishing this, she'd ask again. I eventually got some peace by pretending to be asleep!

 

[Bristolbelle]

What is the question??

I'm wondering if you were less direct witgh the answer might it help? Could you tell us what the question is and see if we can offer other ideas?

 

[larivy]

know the feeling well mums questions are when we going home or will they know where to deliver my post i get this i dont know how many times a day i just explain yes we are at home lived here9years and the postman knows i usually give her a letter even if its mine she cant open them so i just make some thing up theres not much else you can do i must admit sometimes i lose it but she soon asks again larivy

 

[alfjess]

Hi
Would distaction work. In the past Mum would repeat and repeat questions

I would then try to distact her by telling her a story from her past. (Do you remember?)sometimes it worked and she might (or not) remember, however it always distracted her from the repetitive questions.

I think the secret is to try to be calm and have a laugh, ie. see the funny side.
ALFJESS