It's been some time since I was last on here...and even then I was a newbie (still am I guess). But I have something to say that I hope will be of value and comfort to others who are struggling to come to terms with the effects this destructive and wicked illness. It's nothing new, but I hope it may help someone. My mum, Joan, who was diagnosed some years ago now with vascular dementia, passed away peacefully on New Years Day, aged 78 yrs. Mum had become mildly forgetful and began repeating herself in conversation in the mid 1990s, becoming progressively worse until the requirement for re-assessment 18 months ago. Over the last five years or so, we had witnessed the gradual decline in her pride of personal appearance, independence, cognitive ability, and eventually, mobility. We were forced to place her into the care of a local nursing home for the last 14 months or so, after a short time in residential care showed this course to be clearly inappropriate. Following two seperate hip fractures within a year and the associated trauma, and becoming more and more dependent on the care which was provided, mum began, a few weeks ago, taking less and less of the food offered to her daily, to the point where from Christmas Day onward, she was refusing all attempts at feeding, hydration and personal care. When she was last weighed on 7th December, her weight had fallen to less than 35kg. Her levels of anxiety and agitation had also increased dramatically over the past few weeks. Somehow, I feel she knew that her time left was diminishing. Finally, one week ago, she lost the ability to speak even the few words she had left. Her last word to me was 'Daddy'.... Mum slipped quietly away early yesterday morning, under sedation as I sat beside her, stroking her hair. I can't explain how I am feeling. I have the love and support of my beautiful wife, and how fortunate I am that I also still have my wonderful father and brother with whom to share my grief and recall the lifetime of love and happy memories this wonderful, wonderful woman gave us all...freely and without expectation of anything in return. And what memories we have. If ever there was a pattern for a good life and the warmest, kindest, most loving human being, then Joan was the inspiration. What else is there that I can say? I feel empty. Mum now lives within all of us who are left behind, in a special place just for us where there is no more suffering, only the love and peace that we will give her until we can all be together again. How we loved her. I have to close now but want to leave with a sentiment that many will already know and understand, and that is no matter how remote, or distant, or apparently non-communicative your loved one may be through the effects of this awful condition, never, ever give up trying to reach them. No-one will ever know how much mum knew of our presence as we sat with her as a family towards the end, nor will we know what comfort it was for her. But that time together was precious beyond words and I am so, so grateful that we were able to share with her, her last moments on this earth. Goodbye and God Bless you all.
Joan passed away yesterday morning
- Thread starter mymumisjoan
- Start date
What an important message. I am so sorry to hear your news but it is so obvious that your mum was loved so much. Take care. x
I am sorry to read about the loss of your mother and send you my sincerest sympathy. I am very sure that your love reached your mother and comforted her. She was blessed to have your love and support for so long. Kind regards.
Sorry that you have lost your mother to this desease , Your love for her was special, look after yourself Pam
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please take comfort in knowing you loved and cared so very much. Your Mum will have known that and would be proud of you.
To Joans' son, Please accept my sincere condolences on your mums' passing. Thank you for sharing some of your memories, your post is indeed very moving.
Wishing you and your family comfort and strength, God Bless,
Love, Necion. x
Wishing you and your family comfort and strength, God Bless,
Love, Necion. x
What a beautiful post about your mother and what a very reminder it is for us to make the most of what we still have.
My condolences to you and your family.
My condolences to you and your family.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share such an important time with your Mum.
My thoughts are with you and your family
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
My thoughts are with you and your family
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
What a beautiful tribute to your mum and written straight from the heart. I felt a tear coming on .
take care.
Cynthia
take care.
Cynthia
Sincere condolencese on your Mother's passing.
May you be granted the strength to get you through the coming days.
Christine
May you be granted the strength to get you through the coming days.
Christine
Dear Joan's son,
Your words mean so much. Thank you for sharing your wonderful tribute to your Mum.
I wondered if you would consider continuing to post on TP as I think your experience and wisdom could help many people here.
My sincere condolences to you and family, Jancis xx
Your words mean so much. Thank you for sharing your wonderful tribute to your Mum.
I wondered if you would consider continuing to post on TP as I think your experience and wisdom could help many people here.
My sincere condolences to you and family, Jancis xx
This was the most precious thing you could do for her. Now is the hardest time but eventually the happier times will come back to you and your memories will make you smile.x.
Beautiful Memorial
What a beautiful memorial to your Mum, and thank you for taking the time to reach out us with these wonderful words.
What a beautiful memorial to your Mum, and thank you for taking the time to reach out us with these wonderful words.
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