Thank Goodness

[Penfold]

Newbie here, who has thankfully stumbled onto these boards after a Google re Vascular Dementia.

My dad is 82 and was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia a while ago now. He lives at home with mom (who is 80) and to be fair he has managed his condition quite well for some time. When I say he has managed it quite well, perhaps I should say its not been a big issue with mom and us.......

OK, in recent weeks he has been sleeping in till mid-day and early afternoon. (something he had never done) Over Christmas he refused to get out of bed at all saying he felt 'rubbish'

Here is the embarrasing bit he's started to have strong body odour as he's not bathed for over a week. He did get up for an hour or so the other day and promptly fell off the kitchen stool while eating his dinner. Half an hour later he thought mom was making that up as a story.

Sorry that this post is going on a bit but its just good to think someone can give some solid advice.

Dad has had contact with Social Services and a community nurse, however, he simply refuses to let mom call his GP out to check him over. Mom is scared that he will get quite nasty (again not his normal nature) if the GP suddenly turns up at his bedside. My concern (knowing his useless surgery) is that the GP will do sweet FA and leave 'us' in the lurch.

Tomorrow my brother and I will attempt to get dad into the bath and try to encourage him to get out of bed, even if its just for the afternoons.

I'm desperate for advice as I know mom is starting to feel the strain and I worry that dads health and problem will soon bring her down too.

Kindest regards to all

 

[Izzy]

Hi Penfold and welcome. You will find lots of help and support here. Has you dad had a needs assessment and your mum a carer's assessment? Good luck with the bath!

 

[Meercat]

Welcome to TP
Could you or your brother, take on role of 'bad cop' and take your Dad to the GP (saying that all men his age need to go for an 'mot'/flu jab/blood test at his age)- this way avoiding your Mum getting the blaim.
Before you go to the doctors send an e-mail listing all your concerns - we keep a log.

Best wishes
Meercat

 

[Penfold]

Izzy,
Thanks for the welcome and very prompt reply.

Dad has not had a needs assesment (I dont think). My brother and I live locally but have not been able to check whats gone on with the SS etc....My thought was to re-contact them in the first instance and see what they recommend. It was they who put dad in contact with the memory clinic. I do know that the community sister who came to see dad was a blooming marvel and we soon had quite a few forms for mom so she got a careers allowance. Blimey they even sent someone to fill them in for her.

That aside my worry is that dad is fast sliding down a road where he seems to have little idea or inclination as to what's going on and he's loosing that will to care.

 

[Penfold]

Welcome to TP
Could you or your brother, take on role of 'bad cop' and take your Dad to the GP (saying that all men his age need to go for an 'mot'/flu jab/blood test at his age)- this way avoiding your Mum getting the blaim.
Before you go to the doctors send an e-mail listing all your concerns - we keep a log.

Best wishes
Meercat

Meercat.

Thats a good idea that I will mention to Bro tomorrow.

I'm interested in that part of your reply about sending an e-mail, I assume you mean to the GP surgery(?) To be honest I don't know if the surgery publish their e-mail addy. If they do would they 'act' on a message of concern from a lay person?

This is all new to me sorry if I'm being thick

 

[BeckyJan]

the community sister who came to see dad was a blooming marvel

Was this lady from the Mental Health Team? Whoever she was pleae keep in touch with her. Please get back to her and ask all the questions.

The othe point of contact is the local Alzheimers Society. Please phone them as they should know the local area of support for you.

I also recommend keeping a diary/record showing behavioural events to do with dementia. These may well be useful in the future.

 

[Penfold]

BeckyJan,

Yes, I believe she was from the mental health team.

God I feel so bl**dy stupid now, I could have phoned her days ago couldn't I

I would keep a diary but I'm only at dads a few hours a week (Its a long story, bit like everyone else I suppose, kids, grandkids, time management etc etc) Mom cant see to write these days so she couldnt keep one. Mmmmm thinking maybe a hand held tape recorder may work for her...

Well the ball is in motion now so tomorrow is the day 'we' as a family try to get help for both dad and mom.

I have been mooching around the other threads and its so good to discover that others are facing similar problems and seeking similar resolutions.

 

[sallyc]

Hi Penfold

With regard to emailing the GP surgery before an appointment, we always sent a letter in advance, explaining that it was difficult to discuss certain things in front of my Grandad, and telling them of our concerns etc in the letter, so they could question around the subject without us having to actually "say it".

Welcome from me, too.

 

[Penfold]

Sallyc,

Many thanks a good idea....I just wished I had more confidence in the GP's surgery set up....It takes days just to get an appointment and they pull every obsticle they can into avoiding a home visit...."82, can't drive, doesnt have a neighbour with a car? Can't he get on the bus? "

HELLO HE HAS DEMENTIA !!!!!

God if I could wring that reception womans neck Grrrrrrr

 

[ella24]

I just wished I had more confidence in the GP's surgery set up....It takes days just to get an appointment and they pull every obsticle they can into avoiding a home visit...."82, can't drive, doesnt have a neighbour with a car? Can't he get on the bus? "

Hiya and welcome,

If you are getting no joy with the GP (or receptionist), one way of tackling it is to contact the practise manager, at the surgery. They are usually very good at 'customer service' and getting things organised (they dont have medical training as such). The will also often be able to phrase things in the right way to get the GP to act - maybe you could even call him/her to 'ask advice on how to tackle this' - and get them onside to help you find a way through it. (make sure you call off-peak and they are usually very helpful.

Our one will tackle consultants secretaries!

And keep posting!

 

[Penfold]

Ella24,

Again wise words....Its very strange to me when my own GP operates a 'come when you like' arrangement for appointments and is so helpful. I've tried to get mom and dad to swap GP but that's a worry too far for them at the moment.

I'm so glad I found this forum its an absolute mine of ideas/information.

Thanks for the welcome too

 

[nicoise]

Don't beat yourself up....!

Hi Penfold,

Don't beat yourself up about not being an expert yet - you'll get to know more than you ever wanted to about this bl***y disease in a very short time!

Keep reading other threads - you'll find lots of answers to your questions and thoughts which will really help.

On contacting the GP - they also have fax machines too, if you need to send something through quickly (a GP actually reading the letter may be another matter ...)

good luck and keep posting

 

[sistermillicent]

Hi Penfold, definitely try to get an appointment, some surgeries will get the gp to ring you before coming out, so you can explain direct to them why you need them rather than trying to go via receptionist. It doesn't matter if your dad loses it while the gp is there, it may even be a good idea because then the gp will see what he is like.

My mum took a dislike to the bath, and smelled really bad. Most of that was down to her clothes to be honest, so we got very crafty at removing things while she was asleep and washing them. We kept trying with the bath and managed to sort of whirlwind her into it, by declaring it bath night, that she was to go first, then me, then my sister, then dad..... sort of familiar from her childhood days. Turned out she didn't really know how to take her clothes off and needed help. She got in the bath anyway. Nowadays she is better about bathing but still needs a lot of prompting, and definitely needs undressing.

The other thing, and sorry if this is a long post, older people can be very very worried about assessments, as if this is something judging how they are managing , or sort of like an exam. In the end I went to every single assessment with my dad, my mum was kept out of it, this reassured dad. Most of the time they don't need to see the person with dementia, they can get all the information they need from the carer.

Pippa

 

[Izzy]

I agree re assessments. The SW took all information from me in regard to both mum and Bill.

 

[May]

Hi Penfold

Just a thought, if you can't get Dad to bathe, baby wipes are wonderful. My Mum used to hate water (think this is a common problem) but we could use baby wipes with her.
Hope you get all the help you need.

 

[sleepless]

Hello, Penfold, I'd agree with the idea of a letter in advance of a visit (whether GP or Consultant etc) as it is difficult to discuss things when the person with dementia is present. But keep it as simple as you can, with bullet-points, not a long rambling letter, or he/she may feel they haven't the time to wade through it.
sleepless

 

[Izzy]

I think there is also some kind of dry wash stuff. Someone else may know what it is. Mum also got an aerosol of foam away with her when she came out of hospital. I'll get the name in the morning.

 

[Nanak]

Hi from me too Penfold
There is also dry shampoo you can use (providing Dad has hair of course ).
Baby wipes are a boon and I don't know if you get them in UK but there are wet wipes for use after the toilet which would freshen things up a bit
Hope things improve for you
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come

 

[jenniferpa]

Oh yes you can (get the flushable wet wipes).

Sorry - everytime I think of these I am reminded of a visit we paid to my mother, and my then under 5 year old son sidled up to me after a visit to the loo and said "I used those wet wipes Grandma had in her bathroom and now my bottom smells of roses" in a tone of wonderment.

I digress.

 

[Penfold]

Very big thanks to all

Dear all,

Great ideas re the wet wipes and the GP's surgery

Well today is the day (as they say)

I have to drop wifey and daughter at the shops (she works on the theory that if we have cheques in the book we must have money in the account )
Then I have to ring my Brother and we will form the wagons in a circle and rustle up that bubble bath.

I shall pass on all these usefull hints and tips to mom and bro today.....

Can I ask another SFQ. (Silly f****** question)

The wet wipes, how do you actualy monitor that he/she is using them after toilet visits? I can forsee that dad would just do the normal lavatory duties and walk out, still not "Smelling of Roses". I anticipate that again they are not in his normal routine so may not come to mind. (does that make sense)

Anyway wish 'us' all luck and bon voyage as we go where no man has been before.