Bristol carers....

[Bristolbelle]

Things are beginning to come to a head, and we had a major family meeting earlier this evening to discuss the best path forward.
My feelings are that I am ready to start preparing the pathway for residential as I really do not feel I can face another winter. But the rest of the family seem to want to keep her at home (of course it is me that is the main carer). Anyway I know care packages are a bit of a postcode lottery, and to be honest I don't think my social worker knows her care packages that well.
So if there are any Bristol carers out there what kind of help are you getting? Just to put you in the picture Mum currently attends one day centre twice a week and two others once a week, as well as receiving one week in six respite care. She receives no care at home yet. If anyone has any specific recommendations about care homes or service providers in the North/West Bristol area a pm would be very welcome. Many thanks.

 

[Lucille]

Hello Bristolbelle

Can't offer anything constructive re your quest, because, like you, I am just looking into it for my mum. The same part of Bristol too! The difficulty I have is that my mum is based in Manchester and so I have the logistics of that to deal with!

As I do my research, I will PM you and would be grateful if you could do the same, as it seems like a nightmare trying to suss out what is the best way forward.

(For info, my mum had a stroke this month, was admitted to hosp and then had another. She has vascular dementia and has suffered from it for 5+ years). Up to the stroke, she was "managing" on her own - I use the term loosely, because she was malnourished when she went into hospital. She spent Xmas with me and the deal with the hospital was that medically she is ok, but in terms of fall-risk she is not. Post-stroke she veers to the right a lot and overbalances. I feel, at the time of writing this here, I want a professional assessment of her capabilities. This was the original idea - that she go into a unit to be assessed. This morning the social worker seemed very keen to get her put before a panel to go into care, without a week or so assessment in a unit. Whilst I want to protect her, I don't want her shunted into a home too soon. It's very difficult! Anyway, that's a bit of background.

Let me know how you fare and, as I say, I'll PM you if I get the heads up or do any visits that I think are okay.

Best wishes with it all. It is a terrible time. Today, mum seems to have been lucid and much like her old self (except for staggering) and I have felt so very guilty, knowing that whilst she is sitting downstairs "reading" (and re-reading and re-reading) her paper, I am looking at homes. Oh! It's awful.

 

[longacre]

I am not in Bristol I am afraid, but all I would say to your family is that if they would like to come and be the main carer perhaps their view of what your mother needed would be different!

You know how it is looking after your mother as you are with her all the time. It might help if you wrote down the day-to-day issues as they occur and then go through them with the others in a non-emotional way so they can get a better understanding of what you are dealing with.

My experience is that people often have no idea really what caring is like and therefore have a sort of romanticised view of what they want for their relative. Of course every situation is different but if you can find the right care package (and the CQC site is a good place to go for an objective view of care homes) I think it can work well and I am sure that you are absolutely right to be thinking through the care home options along with all others.

My mother is now in a residential home (just 2 months ago) and my father was in a different EMI one for 2.5 years. The advice I was given was that if you get them in earlier they settle better and I also met several people in both care homes whose view was that actually they put their parents in too late and that it was much more difficult for everyone.

I would follow your own instincts, back them up with some evidence if this is needed for the others in what you are coping with, maybe get some professional back up as well and then move forward. Good luck.

 

[Lucille]

but all I would say to your family is that if they would like to come and be the main carer perhaps their view of what your mother needed would be different!

How true! People say to me, "oh your mum sounds great, there's nothing wrong with her."

And I feel like saying, "Erm, okay, perhaps you'd like to persuade her into the shower, or answer the same question twenty times. Whilst retaining patience and interest." Your are right. There is a romantic notion amongst some that caring involves gently taking someone's hand and going for a lovely stroll across a green field bathed in sunlight and talking about the old days. The reality is a wet Monday morning when you have to get up for work, deal with all the agencies involved in someone's care as well as the cared for person. In my mum's case, a woman completely resistant to help from anyone, because she can do it herself (or so she thinks).

 

[Bronwen]

Hello love..my husband in a care home in Bristol. the staff and carers are wonderful and the home only a year old. I will p.m. you the address in Bristol

love
Bronwen x

 

[Resigned]

Hello Bristolbelle

My mother is in a care home in Portishead. I'll pm you the name if that area is any good for you.

R